Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Booker DeWitt is a Chode


Booker DeWitt has exploded as a popular character. He is being cosplayed to death, which is fine, but what shocks me about his new fame, is that people seem to admire him. Booker DeWitt has no empathy, no concern for his fellow man. He can see racial injustice and calmly continue on his way. He can be thrust into a revolution where those who have never had anything desperately strike against their oppressors, and say dark evil things like, "And what happens when the rebel leader takes over? More of the same if you ask me." Booker DeWitt is indifferent, out for himself, fighting to increase his standing, achieve his personal goals, the welfare of others never plays into his decisions, and to me, that certainly isn't deserving of anyone's praise.


Video games create these characters occasionally, and almost all of the examples I can think of have gotten pretty popular. Sam Marston here, just wants to tend his ranch and live out his days in peace. Too bad he lives on the Mexican border during the perfectly named Mexican Revolution, and is forced to witness some of the atrocities that tend to accompany regime changes. Like DeWitt though, Sam Marston sees it all as a waste of time, a struggle to replace a leader with a similar figurehead. This way of thinking is lazy, but the gaming industry tends to lean towards these characters, and I think it's because playing a character like that elevates the player above the questions the story is asking. To feel smarter than all of the other characters by being indifferent, watching things play out. Seeing a revolution as a futile attempt to obtain your rights isn't a smarter way of thinking, it's just dickish.


Now Tidus is rarely called cool, but I would admire him long before DeWitt or Marston. Tidus makes mistakes, and is incredibly naive, but his heart guides his actions. He cares, and risks his life to ease the pain and suffering of others. He loves his friends, and more impressively, he loves the people he has just met, instantly placing himself in someone else's shoes as soon as he learns of a hardship. I feel the same way about Solid Snake, (who is an exception, very popular, very moral), who reluctantly practices the craft of espionage, refusing to let the bad win over the good. These are men we should applaud.


Sure, it's cool when Booker DeWitt jams his pinwheel knife into some soldier's neck, or when Sam Marston wins a shootout against forty-five bandits, but isn't it cooler when a protagonist resists temptation and does the right thing anyway? Isn't it cooler when Solid Snake tells Otacon that his only goal is unconditional world peace? Isn't it more admirable, when Tidus dies protecting a country that he has lived in for a month? I'm not saying don't dress up as evil femshep for your next convention, I'm just asking that those characters who accomplish truly noble things are talked about too.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Bioshock Infinite DLC


I love the Bioshock trilogy, and it's latest installment, Bioshock Infinite, somehow managed to be even better than the first two. I beat the game, and then beat it again, getting every achievement, waiting patiently for some sort of DLC announcement. Here it is. A combat pack will be released today, called Clash in the Clouds, which will feature a type of horde mode, but the big news is Burial at Sea, which will let you play as Elizabeth in Rapture. I won't spoil anything, because Infinite's plot twist is truly jaw-dropping, but they just barely hinted at a link between the libertarian city of Rapture and the capitalist fuck awful city of Columbia. It seems this DLC is going to actually explore that in-depth.


Video games today make political and religious statements all the time. I love the Bioshock series because it isn't just a point of view that is offered, but it really does feel like a chance to explore social experiments. What if a libertarian man who wants to be free of god, government, and entitlement actually got the money to build a city with those principles? (Turns out, he's a maniac.) Or what if a loud sister-fucking-baptist-minister got to govern an entire city built in the sky? You get to examine points of view like this behind John Galt-esque protagonists who don't seem to give a shit one way or the other until a pretty girl starts getting hurt. The games are well written, and all three installments have a signature plot twist, that turns the whole story upside down.


Bioshock 2 had a ten dollar DLC called Minerva's Den, and I consider it the best downloadable content that I have ever purchased. Never have I played a game add-on that had so much to offer, with such a tear jerking story behind it. If this new DLC for Infinite is anything like Minerva's Den, then I will be one happy splicer.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Drift: The Unmooring of American Military Power


The last book I read was Everyday is an Athiest Holiday by Penn Jillette, and the book before that was Penn's other book, God, No! Before that was Dan Barker's book Godless, and although the ride was great, I was certainly ready to cuddle up with a different subject. How about the idiocy that is today's modern American military? Now, I am a Maddow superfan, which makes me quite biased, but I will try my best to review her first book professionally, and without hyperbole. This is the best political book that I have ever read. Ever.


America's military was something we used to be proud of. I have always wondered what happened to our country's confidence in our troops, in our military leaders. I watch shows like Band of Brothers, or old History Channel WW2 docs with wide-eyed amazement as I see this country, (apparently, it's the same one I live in today) coming together to support our troops, support our involvement in something bigger than us. Rachel Maddow really explores the decisions we made in the last 70 years that changed the way things work in our armed forces. From privatization of maintenance jobs to the elimination of Congress's approval being necessary to go to war, Rachel changed my mind about a lot of things with her writing here. I needed my highlighter. A lot.


The part of the book that really stunned me, was around chapter 7 when the idea was presented that maybe the draft is a good thing. The idea presented is that if average citizens had to personally sacrifice, like we did before 1950, by buying war bonds, conserving paper, or dying, maybe we would take this war shit a little more seriously. Maybe we would actually, as a people, look into it when a president says that there is just cause to send our kids to Iraq. Perhaps we would demand quicker resolutions to our armed conflicts if it meant our next door neighbor got to stay home because of it. We've been in the Middle East for a decade, we were tricked, knowingly tricked into going into Iraq and we can prove it, but nothing is being done about it. This book asks great questions, at just the right time, and it doesn't hurt that it is beautifully written. If you are at all interested in some of the bigger blunders that our military has been responsible for, or concerned about our fighting forces going into the future, then buy this. It's one hell of an impressive narrative.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Jorge Ramos


Do you know who Jorge Ramos is? You should. Mr. Ramos has been the top news anchor for Univision since the late 80's, and is one hell of a journalist. He has personally interviewed Fidel Castro, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Hugo Chavez, Joe Biden and George W. Bush. He even mediated a debate between then senators Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton when they were trying to get their democratic nominations back in 08. Jorge Ramos is very liberal, and very passionate about immigration reform. Why should you care about a Univision news anchor and political talk show host? Well, Univision just became the most watched television channel in the United States. In any language. Period. Univision has the most viewers over 55 of any other channel spanish or english, but also have the most viewers under 30 of any spanish or english television station.



This is a really big deal. When a television station reaches ratings on that massive of a level, and then start to voice a political opinion more frequently than ever, the consequences for opponents get higher. Steve King is a Congressman from Iowa, who recently in a speech compared illegal immigrants to dogs. Steve King then went onto Ramos's political show, Al Punto, to um, not apologize for it. Here, watch.


Did you watch it? Did you see Jorge tear Steve to pieces? This isn't just funny, it's a stern message. Republicans, if you really are trying to save the latino vote, then your first step would be to take the latino people seriously. Going on the #1 rated television show in our hemisphere and trying to justify your bigotry isn't a good idea. No matter how you spin it, like Jorge Ramos said, "I don't think it is complimentary to compare people to animals." If you would like to see the actual video of Steve King comparing illegal immigrants to bird dogs, here it is, just so you don't think that I'm taking something out of context.



Am I the only one who thinks that we, as a country are losing our empathy? Did we somehow stumble in our ability to put ourselves in other peoples' shoes? How come our elected officials are so full of generic hate? Ready to get really mad? The committee that is going to decide whether or not comprehensive immigration reform is going to get done or not has this man, Steve King, Mr. Frisky Latino Bird Dogs as a member. Joy. Go look up other videos of Jorge Ramos's interviews. Familiarize yourself with him, he is a very important leader for immigration reform, and the ethical treatment of our fellow human beings.

Monday, July 22, 2013

I Want To Be Your Next Earth Councilor


Mass Effect's multi-species council is a monumentally important group. We all know that being an American president is a difficult job, but imagine being the judge and enforcer of intergalactic law for over sixteen space traversing species, each with their own governments and home planets. Being a member of the council, (there are only four), means being the most important member of your species that has ever been born. To be Earth's councilor means you have more control over humankind than George Washington, Albert Einstein, or Bryan Adams ever had. I also happen to think I would be perfect for the job.


Here's how it works. The council is the governing body of Citadel Space. Citadel Space consists of nine species who agree to be members. Only four of these Citadel Species are considered council races, and are granted representation on the council. To become a council race you have to prove to the Citadel community that the galaxy couldn't stay together if it lost what your people are contributing. So, obviously, you won't vote me into such an enormous position based on my personality alone, here is my platform.


Put The Volus On The Council

As Earth's Councilor, I would push to allow every race residing on the citadel to have a councilor representing them. I know that a task that huge would take some time, but instating a Volus Councilor is something that could be done immediately, and should have been done a long time ago. They are the wealthiest race in the galaxy, which more than makes up for their peoples' lack of military power. The Volus spent a lot of money saving a Citadel that didn't equally represent them, and they should be rewarded for it. Also, space abortion is legal. 


 Start Arresting Batarian Slavers

The Batarians have an economy based on slavery. While it is outlawed in Citadel space, actual prosecution and apprehension of known Batarian slavers is rare. This is a consequence of the "that's just our way", argument that certain cultures use to justify atrocities. Everyone but the Batarian government disagrees with the practice of slavery, and now, the laws that keep it outside our space borders need to be used to hunt these assholes down too. No tolerance for slavery, it's the year 2186 CE for fuck's sake!


Eliminate The Spectre Program

This isn't as controversial as it sounds. The only reason you like the Spectre program is because it is fun to play as a Spectre in the video game. Look at what Spectres really are. A branch of the Citadel government who specially assigned agents are IMMUNE TO ALL LAW. Every Spectre agent can legally commit murder, rape, torture, terrorism, etc, as long as they claim that it is in the best interest of the galaxy. (Shocker, they say that it is in the best interest of the galaxy every time, go figure). This is a stupid idea, and I'm not just against Spectres in principle, they have caused very real, irreversible damage, and were able to do so because of the infinite power bestowed upon them by their adoring council. Let us equip our Citadel spectre candidates in a similar way, but hold them accountable for their decisions. This might make the job less appealing, but that's kinda the whole fucking point. Also, why not two person spectre teams? Like Mulder and Scully.

I've got lots of ideas on how to make our galaxy safer, (granted you daydream in the Mass Effect universe like I do), and if this post gets a good response, I'll do a part 2 or something. On  the flip, if you don't agree with the things I stand for as your future Earth Councilor, well, just remember, we are appointed, not voted on, so all I have to really do is grease the right palms.






Friday, July 19, 2013

Barack Shepard


I know what you're thinking, Barack Obama is the closest thing the real world has to an actual Commander Shepard. Savior of the galaxy, humanity's last hope, uses his machismo to appeal to other cultures and bridge us as a species. Yep. Obviously, somebody else thought the same exact thing and made a Commander Shepard that looks just like our beloved B-Rock. Doesn't it just feel natural? Also, I had never noticed just how similar The Illusive Man and Mitt Romney look. Interesting. 


What an evil son of a bitch.


If Barack Obama had been Commander Shepard, then there would have been no need for Mass Effect 3, he would have wrapped it all up nicely with just two terms. Is there anyone else that would do as good a job as Obama? Anyone?

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Pacific Rim


Pacific Rim is certainly a change of pace, half Godzilla, half Gundam, this mech vs big fish movie was a lot of fun, even if the story itself seems to have been written by a hamster.


These big fish called Kaiju are attacking big cities that harbor the Pacific, like San Francisco, Sydney, and Anchorage, and the world must come together to figure out a plan to stop these things. So what is the plan they decide on? Tactical nuclear strikes? Perhaps a controlled seismic event that covers the creature's underwater dimensional portal with rocks? None of those good ideas, instead, every country builds a mech and fistfights these things. Awesome.


Every second outside of the fights is bad. There is a tempermental hotshot rival who eventually respects the protagonist, but not until after they have a macho punch-out. The female lead must prove her worth as a pilot in a male dominated workplace, and the leader exudes a cold, calm exterior that shelters a traumatic military past. The leader, (Marshall), also gives the worst pep talk speech I have ever heard. "Today, we cancel the apocalypse!" It's laughably bad.


Charlie Day here, was easily the best part of the movie, even though the entire scientist sub-plot could have been omitted. This movie is about the fights, and when they do happen, they are fucking great. Using a freight ship as a sword, rock bottoms through skyscrapers, the giant brawls are really cool, and make this movie worth seeing. It's a fun theater movie, and if shitty Evengelion episodes impress you, then this movie will make you very happy. 

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Three Of My Favorite Video Game Commercials







The commercial for Bomberman 64 is one I remember fondly, and not just because it is done to the old Spiderman theme, but also because I remember getting so excited for this game, and then it turned out to be a complete pile of shit.


This is the first commercial for the original Super Smash Bros. The day after I saw this, my elementary school was absolutely buzzing about it. Who would get a copy first? What was this 4th suit that Link is in? Is it the white suit from the NES game? If so, can I be it when we all play 4 player? This game was revolutionary, and the commercial makes me smile.


I was really, really little when this commercial was around, but that doesn't mean that I don't remember it. Darth Vader invades some suburban white family's house and demands to see where the kids are. (The kids who are currently kicking his ass on Nintendo upstairs). The mother puts herself between Darth Vader and her son's bedroom door, and just before he chokes her to death and kills the kids, the teens vanquish him. Spectacular.


Monday, July 15, 2013

Trayvon Martin: My Opinion


In the wake of the verdict, I've heard all sorts of opinions about it. I listened to every side, from he's a killer to he's innocent, some say he just deserved manslaughter, but one opinion stood out, a friend asked me last night, "Why are we so focused on this one murder? This type of thing happens everyday." I told him that he's missing the point, this case has national attention because it is bigger than the murder of young Trayvon Martin, this case is so big because of what the not guilty verdict means. To me, it means that if you're black, then you better justify to white people why you are in certain neighborhoods at certain times, and even in 2013, you will defer to the caucasians. Dr. King's daughter, Dr. Bernice King said, "Only in America can a young black child be put on trial for his own murder." It certainly feels like Trayvon was the one on trial here, and not the adult responsible for his death.


George Zimmerman and his legal team successfully convinced the jury that George wasn't racist, that his actions had nothing to do with race. They said he was simply a good samaritan who got in over his head. However, at the same time, they painted Trayvon Martin as a menace who failed to properly justify his existence. How does an adult with a gun, chase down a child, kill him, and claim self-defense? It's amazing what a law school and some good old fashioned spin can do to other people's opinions.


The aftermath of this decision scares me. It gives the green light to every racially paranoid cracker out there, who now knows that they can hide behind racist "Stand your ground", and "Stop and frisk" laws. This acquittal promotes a vigilante mentality, and lets sadistic bigots police others. This is why gun capitalism is so fucking dangerous, it's paranoid logic. It isn't the entire country though, and that remains the lone silver lining here. Millions of white people are devastated by this news. Millions of white people don't make it their business to self-police people of color. Trayvon Martin is dead because he's black, and that's a fact.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Swords and Sworcery, Scurvy Scallywags, and Vampire Weekend


Swords and Sworcery is a iphone game that I insist all of my readers check out. The music is absolutely incredible, with a no information exploration concept that reminds me of Shadow of the Colossus, or Fez. I was completely blindsided by this one, and it just keeps impressing me the further I get. 


It manages to keep a decent sense of humor and a veil of mystery at the same time. 


Also, I've been playing Ron Gilbert's Scurvy Scallwags for a couple months now, but just haven't had a chance to mention it. It's 1.99, and a puzzle game that actually keeps my attention over a long period because of it's genius rpg ideas. It's no Puzzle Quest, but still pretty awesome. Fuck hard too.




I haven't talked much about music, I think it's pretty annoying to do so, but Vampire Weekend's new album is super sweet. Hit play.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Dad Talk: Your Significant Other


In the fifties, gender roles were socially defined. It was common and expected of men to think of women as housewives, subservient, fuck, we didn't even let them vote. The role of the man was that of leader, the head of household, the captain of a misogynistic ship of abuse. Why is it that sixty-three years later, there is still a whole class of these cavemen who still think of women this way? It's not just roles of marriage, but I feel like I am constantly hearing men around me talk about what a woman is supposed to do, or how she should be acting. I even heard, "I wouldn't stand for a woman speaking that way to me, she should know better," by a man I respected up until that point. 

The problem that I have with this is that I really do believe, (I also feel this way about most Christians) that most of these dudes know that they are wrong. Any thinking man knows that a woman shouldn't be pressure-limited to what she may accomplish in her life, yet, men still behave this way. Is it some sort of sick power fulfillment? I am certainly not judging anyone who chooses to cater to a man like this, if that's what you want in a relationship, then awesome, but my issue is with this barbaric idea that somehow the man is genetically pre-disposed to being dominant. It reminds me of all that gay isn't natural bullshit that spews out of O'Reilly's mouth every saturday.

On top of the fact that behaving in such a way is a borderline human rights violation, I have a big question for all of those bros who think that by giving your lady an equal piece of the power pie that you are somehow less of a man. Why do you want that? When I watch Madmen, I see that old-timey marriage, and I wonder to myself, "Why would any man want that?" To live out a lifetime of companionship not knowing what your wife really thinks? To spend the rest of your days denying equal opinion- decision making rights to a woman by omitting her identity? Wouldn't you, as a man, rather be with a partner who challenges your thoughts, contraries your opinions frequently, and openly offers her point of view even when it clashes with yours? Isn't that more manly?

Just a thought, brought on by a very specific incident that I witnessed. Have a great day, and stop being assholes. All of you.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

The Walking Dead: 400 Days Review


If you read this blog regularly, then you know that Telltale's Walking Dead adventure game became an obsession of mine. I recommend it to everyone I know who games, and I consider it to be proof that the adventure genre is not outdated, it just needs some new ideas. Telltale released 5 episodes in their first season, and on Friday they released 400 Days, a quick introduction to the 5 main characters that the game series will be focusing on in season 2. 


Before I highlight the characters themselves, I want to point out the one single gripe that I have with the series so far. I do not feel like I am rewarded for extra exploration. I search every area I encounter thoroughly, it's just the way I play, and yes, I am treated to some extra story, or information about what Im looking at, but please, please, in season 2, let me actually affect what happens by having an item that I shouldn't normally have, or knowledge I gained by digging through some dumpsters. I am not attacking this game whatsoever, just a suggestion, I love what Telltale is doing, so let's talk about the characters, in the order I played them.


Bonnie
Bonnie is a recovering junkie, traveling with a middle aged married couple, near the gas station/diner that every character in 400 Days has in common. The husband, (Leland I think his name is) is obviously falling for Bonnie, and the wife is on to her. The trio gets attacked in a cornfield by a group of humans, who shoot Bonnie right in the arm as they run away. Frightened, Bonnie hides behind a tractor, pulls a pipe out of the ground, and attacks one of the assailants. It turns out to be the wife that Bonnie hit, who proceeds to bleed out in the middle of the field. Leland discovers this, and as the player I chose to be honest, since it was just an accident. Leland refuses to come with me, so Bonnie runs away alone, leaving Leland behind to get executed by the armed group. Fun. 


Russell
Russell is alone, walking down the highway, talking to himself about getting to his grandmother's house in the nearby city. A truck pulls up alongside him, Russell gets in and meets Nate. Nate is a pervert, and is obviously crazy, but he still manages to get some of Russell's backstory, like the fact that Russ is running away from the overly violent group he was tagging along with. They pull into the gas station and are promptly shot at, leaving Russ and Nate no choice but to run around the diner, and burst inside to kill the shooter. The shooter turns out to be an old man protecting his wounded wife, and Nate decides to execute them and take all of their shit. As the player I decided that this man was a lunatic, and I made Russell run away, hearing two distinct gunshots as I fled.


Shel
Shel and her little sister Becca are in a large group that has set camp in the gas station, (a couple months after Russell and Nate were there.) It is also revealed that this group are the ones responsible for attacking Bonnie and the married couple. Shel is in a moral dilemma as she watches her little sis slowly lose her humanity. When a fellow member is caught stealing supplies, Shel is told by Roman, (who considers himself leader), to execute her. As the player, you get to decide whether to shoot the woman, or jump in the RV and drive away with your sister. I chose the second option, fleeing the scene and saying fuck you to Roman and his unnecessarily cruel solution. Also, it is revealed that this group was responsible for attacking Kenny and stealing his boat in season 1.


Wyatt
Wyatt and his friend Eddie are speeding away from a deadly confrontation, and are being chased by a big truck. (It looks like Nate's truck, but that doesn't get confirmed.) As soon as they lose their pursuer, Eddie hits a cop, one that isn't a zombie, and Wyatt gets out to see if he's okay. The cop is definitely not okay, but still alive, so as the player, I decided to have Wyatt drag the man back to the car. While I am dragging this pig through the mud back to the vehicle, the angry truck returns, and Eddie drives off, leaving Wyatt stranded.


Vince
We meet Vince on a prison bus, just two days into the outbreak. He was convicted of murder, and his two new prison buddies, Danny and Justin, have a pretty long conversation about their respective murders too. The bus stops, and one of the other inmates attacks a fellow prisoner after an argument. One of the two police officers shoots the assailant with his shotgun, and is then promptly bitten by the now zombified prisoner. Vince takes the opportunity to grab the shotgun, and as the player I chose to shoot the ankle cuff off of Danny (blowing his foot apart in the process) so that myself and Justin could get away. Justin was convicted of embezzlement, while Danny for rape, I punished the rapist. Also, the 2nd police officer who bails, is the cop that Eddie hits with his car.

These 5 people somehow form a new group, and are approached by a woman claiming to be a recruiter for a bigger community. Depending on the choices you make, some characters will go with her, and some will stay behind. For me, Vince, Bonnie and Shel decided to go, and Russell and Wyatt decided to stay. I can't wait to find out what consequences that will have.

Monday, July 8, 2013

Pokemon US Nationals



The Pokemon US Nationals was held this week, and there are a couple surprising things to talk about. One is the crazy fact that if you were born between 1998-2001, then you enter in the senior division. The SENIOR division. If you, like me, were born in the 80's, then you get to compete in the masters division, for any of us old fucks who were born 1997 or before. Aside from the overwhelming number of young children in attendance, the big surprise for me was the announcement that this year's Pokemon Nationals had the highest turnout and number of participants ever. Bigger than those legendary Nationals events from the late 90's, when Pokemon was supposedly at the height of it's popularity. Pokemon is more popular than ever, the fans aren't decreasing and dropping off, they are increasing, and bringing their kids.



Six winners emerged from the coliseum dust, and those six will advance to the even crazier 2013 Pokemon World Championship in Vancouver. These six will represent our glorious USA against the likes of South Korea, Japan, China, Germany, Canada, and the biggest Pokefan country of them all, Sweden. Here's a list of our red white and blue champs.

Video Games

Junior Division (born 2002 or later): Beau Berg, playing with Tyranitar, Garchomp, Zapdos, Cresselia, Hitmontop, and Scizor.
Senior Division (born 1998 to 2001): Paul Chua, playing with Politoed, Kingdra, Cresselia, Scrafty, Metagross and Thundurus.
Masters Division (Born 1997 or earlier): Gavin Michaels, playing with Ludicolo, Amoonguss, Landorus, Metagross, Volcarona, and Tyranitar.

Trading Card Game

Junior Division: Carson St. Denis, running a team Plasma deck.
Senior Division: Calvin Connor, running a team Plasma deck.
Masters Division: Edmund Kuras running a "Deck and Cover" Gothitelle/Accelgor deck.


Original Pokemon fans are all in their twenties now, and what is so cool is that they still attend events like this, and they bring their kids with them. Pokemon is all about bonding, and maintaining friendships even under the most dire circumstances. It's great to see that these fellow Pokedads and Pokemoms didn't let this franchise fade away with their childhood, but they embraced it as a way to strengthen the connection between themselves and their children. It just further establishes Pokemon as more than a card/video game, but as an experience that teaches important values, and improves the way you treat others. 


You know how much a shadowless, first edition booster pack from the original series card line will cost you? 250$ Jesus.


I could never play Pokemon competitively, it's simply gotten too complicated. Nature, breeding, I skip over all that shit and just try to catch as match as I can and cultivate a powerhouse team that can get me through Victory Road. These kids are hardcore, and put just as much time and effort into their craft as Magic, Starcraft, and DDR champions do. I can't wait till Vancouver, where not only will we see a new champion, but theres also going to be really big X/Y news revealed there too. Still pissed about the new fairy type, just saying!

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Happy Wars


Happy Wars is a free to play online war game that fills a hole in the XBLA library. I've been obsessed with it lately, and now special events are rolling out left and right. It's free to play, so if you haven't, read this, then go download it.


Happy Wars pits two teams of twelve to sixteen players against each other, building towers to advance your spawn points, killing mages your rivals leave unprotected, and assaulting the opposing castle. Its hectic, and a lot of fun, especially since the character models are adorable, and the insults you can shout at each other are G rated. 


You get three classes to choose from, warrior, cleric or mage. You can switch to any of the three whenever you die, and it corrects the problem of nobody on your team picking a healer. You get items after each match, and the quality of the item is based on your performance in battle. This simple idea works wonders, causing every single member of your team to try their best, because there might be a glowing suit of armor in it for them.


When you begin an assault on the opponent's castle, thats when the game really shines. You smash up against the front gate, trying to break it down while the other team scrambles inside, shooting arrows and summoning tornadoes. You can build a battering ram, or tiny ladders on the sides, or just hack at the gate until it collapses. These events are tense, and breaking into a castle and breaking the tower inside to win is a crazy awesome feeling. Go download this.