Bioshock Infinite Board Game and a Raptor Prank

I was going to post this big piece about my favorite dwarves today, but the new Bioshock Infinite board game is way more important. It looks super fun, and unlike the terrible Resident Evil card game that I purchased, it might actually be one of those rare video game to board game crossovers that is genuinely fun.

Here's a link to the Plaid Hat Games website, where you can learn all about this ambitious, (and adorably collectible) board game. All of you who know me for real and are sick of playing Munchkin should be extra excited. Also, before you go, watch this clip of a Japanese game show prank where they convince some poor bastard that he is being chased by a real Velociraptor. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZGNk8pUj4Y

Fantasy football and the best video game line ever

This is my 5th consecutive year playing fantasy football, and just like every year, I feel really good about my chances. The problem is, I've never won, and my team has only been in the playoffs once, where I was thrashed immediately. My very first year playing, when I worked at Whole Foods and joined a league with all of the dock workers and a couple grease delivery men, my team, The Gluten Allergies, went an impressive 8-5, which I was very proud of for a first try. The next year, at the Grand Lux, my Asian Nachos went an embarrassing 3-10, followed by an ungodly 2-11 the following year for my Multiple Scorgasms. Last year was heartbreaking, as I missed the playoffs my first year in Pennsylvania, with my new team, The Old Timey English Mustaches. This year will be different, I have another new team, (I will continue to change team names until I win with one), The Geraldo Riveras, who had a really good draft last night. I stuck to my guns, drafting two RBs immediately, followed by three WRs. Everyone snickered at me because I waited until the 6th round to draft a QB, but I really feel like I made the right decision. Here's how it turned out.

The 2013 Geraldo Riveras

-Jamaal Charles

-Matt Forte

-Victor Cruz

-Wes Welker

-Pierre Garcon

-Tony Romo

-Kyle Randolph

-Eli Manning

-Bears D

-Danny Woodhead

-Brandon Pettigrew

-Santana Moss

-Robbie Gould

-Jacoby Jones

Thats right, I put all of my eggs in Matt Forte's basket. Chicago will always be my home, and I got to witness first hand just how amazing this guy is, and how he receives little recognition for it. He is going to produce, and I am going to win.

And being a Cowboys fan, I just couldn't help but draft the handsomest man in football, my personal captain, Tony Romo.

Also, I was involved in a discussion about favorite NPC quotes from video games, and I just had to post my personal favorite. I peed the first time I saw it.

On a thankful note, August has been the biggest month for this blog so far, and Pokedad just keeps growing. I never thought that there would be this many people who would care about what I have to say, so seriously, thank you. Now, go love your country and watch some goddamn football. It's okay to be nerdy about it too.

Ben Affleck is the new Batman

I am not a fan of this, and I don't think anyone really is, but before we start slitting our wrists, why don't we try to figure out just why there has never been a great Batman portrayal? We all have our favorites, but none of them really did justice to the Batman character. Keaton was a good Batman, but a terrible Bruce Wayne, Clooney was the exact opposite, and Kilmer was middle of the road. Bale did a great job rebooting Batman for a new generation, but in my opinion, he just isn't Batman. Why is it so hard to play this guy?

This isn't true for all superheroes. Superman had a perfect portrayal, Christopher Reeves, who completely transformed himself into an exact replica of the comic book hero. Patrick Stewart is a spectacular Professor X, and as much as I hate Iron Man, Downey IS Tony Stark. We have gone through 6+ actors who have played the role of Batman, and none of them have done it justice. So I agree with all of you, Affleck is going to suck intense ass, but look at it from the studio's point of view, we can't get it right, even when we cast people who seem to have the best chance, so why not try a wild card? Worst case scenario? He pisses off 100 million nerds at once, and trust me, DC can live with that.

Mikey, you sir, have always been my favorite. The world needs you. America needs you. Gotham City needs you. I need you.

Dishonored Review

Let me paint a vivid picture for you, it's midnight, Stephanie went to bed early, and Oliver is snoring, (exhausted from a day of manipulating his father's blood pressure) and the thunderstorm outside is getting nasty. I have brewed a fresh pot of coffee, sitting in the dark, navigating Dunwall Tower. Do you see this man in the picture above? Well, he is the regent, the ruler of Dunwall, and he attained that title by murdering the empress and framing me for it. ME! He knows I'm alive, that I escaped prison, and I have been picking off his little friends, one by one. I kidnapped his royal scientist, and threw him in a dog kennel back at my HQ. I snuck into his mistress's bedroom, punched her out, then handed her unconscious body to some lunatic in a mask, who took off with her in a boat, never to be seen again. He has these two nobles who fund all of his ruthless and inhumane laws, the Pendleton brothers, I broke into their brothel, cut their tongues out of their mouths, and sold them as slaves to their own mining company. I infiltrated the church where his biggest supporter lives, the High Overseer himself, tied that fucker to a chair, and branded the mark of the apostate into his old face flesh. Yeah, this asshole knows I'm alive, and he knows that he's next.

But holy crap this tower is big. I creep around, trying to stay up in the rafters as opposed to the ducts, but there are just too many guards. I picked out a bathroom next to the torturer's room (I possessed the torturer's dog, and then ate him. Classic.) where I have been stashing all of the bodies that I've had to knock out. This tower seems endless, and each floor just brings more and more guards with better equipment than the last group. I even had to knock out this stupid maid who started screaming because I emerged from the fireplace I've been hiding inside of. I heard you mumbling to yourself miss, how they make you undress and stuff, so if they are raping you, then how about you keep your mouth shut so I can fix this? Why are you ratting me out? I put a sleeping dart in her jugular. I'm getting frustrated, I walk into a room with a huge dining room table, slit the throat of the masked asshole patrolling, and....there he is...the regent, just chilling in his Matrix-white bedroom. I sneak up behind him, and put him in the crippler crossface. He's passed out on the floor, as I search the room for the most twisted way I can get my revenge on his pasty body. The fire poker is a good start.

Oh wait, what's this? Next to this beaten old man's body is a safe. Inside, is a tape of him confessing to administering the plague that a third of his people are dying from, just to achieve the office of regent. This is where I have to stay my hand and not kill. I let him sleep, then broadcast his confession over the radio to the entire city. I got my kills, the public can enjoy the big one. The guards haul him away, beating him mercilessly, as I possess a rat and run through the sewers to Samuel who has the boat ready. Ready to take me back to the pub that my group, The Loyalists work out of. The place where we conspire to bring justice to our beaten city, and restore the empress's daughter to the throne. I arrive and we all drink, and as we party, I pass out. Poison. I've been bamboozled!!

So....yeah, I beat Dishonored, and I loved it. Way better than I thought it would be. The stealth is great, the powers are unique, and there's this party with some of the most disturbing noble masquerade masks I have ever seen. Fuck...it's 4am..

The Middle

This is a text representation of my absolute frustration with people who straddle the middle in political arguments. They're the worst, not picking a side, seeing both points of view, when did this become some noble virtue? I find people who don't follow politics at all a tad annoying, but much worse is the person who spends the time and energy to learn about a topic, then take no position. I am a liberal, who strongly, angrily, sadistically disagrees with republicans, they are fools, and they are wrong. However, being wrong is not evil. Being wrong is not free of responsibility. Taking no sides is evil, sitting on the fence indefinitely is allowing what is wrong to compromise with what is right. We don't get along, lefties and righties, because the way we think we should solve the nation's many problems are opposite. That said, I would rather talk to a republican for 5 hours than an independent middle hugger for 5 minutes, who thinks we should all get along and compromise. This isn't football, this isn't Trading Spaces, this is the welfare and quality of life of 600 million+ citizens of the United States. Think about what you believe is correct. You don't have to join a team, you don't have to say that you're a Democrat, or Republican, but when asked if gays should be allowed to marry, or if women should be allowed to get abortions after a certain number of weeks, you answer yes, or no. Do not answer with a vague double crowd pleasing bullshit opinion that makes you look like you've figured this whole thing out. You haven't. Pick a fucking side.

(I don't agree with Ayn Rand's philosophy, at all, but damn is this quote sexy)

“The man who refuses to judge, who neither agrees nor disagrees, who declares that there are no absolutes and believes that he escapes responsibility, is the man responsible for all the blood that is now spilled in the world. Reality is an absolute, existence is an absolute, a speck of dust is an absolute and so is a human life. Whether you live or die is an absolute. Whether you have a piece of bread or not, is an absolute. Whether you eat your bread or see it vanish into a looter's stomach, is an absolute.

There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil. The man who is wrong still retains some respect for truth, if only by accepting the responsibility of choice. But the man in the middle is the knave who blanks out the truth in order to pretend that no choice or values exist, who is willing to sit out the course of any battle, willing to cash in on the blood of the innocent or to crawl on his belly to the guilty, who dispenses justice by condemning both the robber and the robbed to jail, who solves conflicts by ordering the thinker and the fool to meet each other halfway. In any compromise between food and poison, it is only death that can win. In any compromise between good and evil, it is only evil that can profit. In that transfusion of blood which drains the good to feed the evil, the compromise is the transmitting rubber tube.”

Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

Oliver's First Movie

Oliver is two and a half, and he got to see his very first movie in a movie theater on a beautiful Tuesday afternoon. He loves Pixar's Cars, so Stephanie and I thought that Planes would be a safe bet, with minimum risk for a freak out in public. Turns out, the theater was completely empty except for us, and our giant bag of popcorn.

It went well.

I still remember my very first movie at a genuine theater. I miss the 90's.

Cyclops vs Wolverine

I hate Wolverine. He's one of these heroes who benefit from over-exposure, and gains the enthusiasm of the casual fan. Wolverine is beloved because he's considered cool, but not by serious Marvel Zombies or avid comic book readers, but by Call of Duty jocks and perpetrators of domestic violence. I want to talk about why he's a fraud, a clown, and a waste of your time. I want to talk about why Cyclops is the best character Marvel has to offer, and why you should be spending your precious nerd money on Scott Summers, not James Howlett. Here's a list of the big reasons why Cyclops is better than Wolverine.

1. Cable

Everyone loves Cable. The Cable and Bishop arcs are among the most celebrated Marvel comics ever, and he's just an all around good character. He also happens to be Scott Summers's son, so if you happen to like Cable (which you do), then you must thank Cyclops for shooting him out in the first place. Thanks Scott!

2. Wolverine Loses Fights Like, All The Time

Wolverine can't fight, at least not on the level of others that he shares a team with. Sabretooth beats him on the regular, so does Deadpool, Lady Deathstrike, Cyber, Magneto and Omega Red, (Omega Red and Logan have fought one on one ten times and douche-claws lost every time). If Wolverine did not possess the ability to never fucking die, then he would be fucking dead. A thousand times over.

3. Wolverine Is A Pedophile

Wolverine was born in the late 1880's, Jean Grey most certainly was not. If you watch X-men Evolution, you can watch in horror as Logan suavely hits on an 18 year old Jean while driving her to and from high school. I understand it isn't illegal, but a 130 year old actively chasing and falling in love with a teenager? You Wolverine fanboys are really okay with that? Is that a guy you really admire? 

4. Professor X Chose Cyclops To Be Captain Of The Blue Team

There are a lot of Cyclops haters out there, people who say outlandish things like, "Jean should be with Logan, not Scott!", or "Wolverine should be captain of the X-men, not smelly Cyclops." To all of those who don't agree with Cyclops being in a position of leadership, I ask you this, do you question Professor X's judgement? It's his team, his direction, and his goddamn house. Professor Xavier has saved every human being on the planet earth, multiple times, and has defeated villain after villain by staying dozens of steps ahead of them. He is beyond a genius level intelligence, and with a squad consisting of heroes like Beast and Archangel, X chose Cyclops to lead his blue team. Who knows better than Xavier? Nobody does.

5. Cyclops's Resume

Just because Cyclops doesn't splatter his muscled body all over the cover of every issue of X-men, doesn't mean that he hasn't defeated villains. In fact, his resume of bad guys downed is incredibly impressive. For clarification, this is a list of villains that Scott has defeated in one on one combat. Just read it, and decide for yourself.

-Jack O' Diamonds

-Magneto

-Blob

-D'Spayre

-Shadow King

-Omega Red

-Caliban

-Ord of the Breakworld

-Bishop

-Hulk (out of control)

-Leper Queen

-Black Queen

-Juggernaut

-Mr. Sinister

There you have it. Change your mind, and be a smarter, more respected comic book fan by rejecting popular culture's obsession with the super shitty Wolverine.

Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons Review

XBLA has had some incredible titles over the past few years. Some of my favorite gaming experiences ever came from ambitious little games like Limbo, Stacking, Costume Quest, Castle Crashers, and of course, Bastion. Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons, is the perfect game for this downloadable market. It's innovative, but that can often be a bad thing when you're making a 60$ game. However, publishers seem to be much more comfortable taking the risk with a new idea at 15$, but honestly, the game is so short, that I've been struggling to justify even the 15 bucks.

The game's featured gimmick are the unique controls. You use the left stick to control the older brother, and the right stick to control the younger. It works a lot better than you think, but I will admit that it has a decent learning curve, and even after you master the mechanics you still lose track of who's controlled by what every once in a while. It makes for some crazy imaginative puzzles though, my favorite is a solution that involves the little brother getting on the older's shoulders, covering yourselves in blood, (you do this at the blood waterfall of course) and then scaring a bunch of evil tribesmen. 

The world you explore is awesome. The graphics don't impress in the first chapter, but as soon as you get out of the village and into the countryside, everything opens up and the scenery is gorgeous. Everyone speaks in a weird simlish-style language, with no subtitles, conveying the story through hand gestures and facial expressions. This is done really well, you'll never be confused as to what's going on, which makes me think that all the talking in other games might be unnecessary. The story is beautiful, as two brothers journey to find a magical tree that can save their dying father, and along the way you free a troll prisoner from giants, stop of tribal ritual that involves sacrificing a young girl, and get two parrots to bone each other.

Brothers has a problem though, it's really, really short. I beat the entire experience, getting every achievement along the way, in two sittings, just under 4 hours. 15$ for a 4 hour game is a hard sell, and I'm afraid that the unfortunate length holds this title back from rising to the upper-echelon of XBLA games. I don't think that game length matters all that much except in extreme cases, but it applies here. However, if you're like me, and don't factor in game-length to how good a game is, then I highly recommend Brothers, if only for the outstanding dead giant soldier level, where you have to kick over hundred feet tall hatchets and swords to severe the limbs of the dead giants that block your path. Gross, disturbing and giggle-awesome, that macabre level is the best part of the game.

Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies

If you read this blog on the regular, then you know that Chris Kluwe is one of my heroes. He wrote a book, and I read it. If you have read any of his famous letters that Deadspin usually posts, then you know that Kluwe has refined cursing into a beautiful art form. He uses his talent for profanity to poke fun at Ayn Rand, bigots, and generally anyone who seems to be lacking in the empathy department. He also makes one of the best arguments for the existence of time travel that I have ever read, and draws a picture of what he thinks the hi-tech future will be. Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies is more wonderful than I had imagined, and Chris Kluwe's world view is something everyone should admire. He talks about politics, but it's about treating people fairly, not about picking a side. He talks a lot about gay rights, and he spectacularly leaves religion out of it. His messages are uplifting, imaginative, and holy fucking shit hilarious.

This book has a chapter titled Aliens, it also has a chapter titled Hey Douchebag. Kluwe covers so many topics that are close to nerd hearts, like futuristic computer goggles and the shame you should feel when you mix up Star Trek and Star Wars. He also has a couple chapters about football, it's idiotic popularity, and what it's like to have Devin Hester return your punts. I watch Rachel Maddow every single weekday, and her book was one of the most anticipated reads that I have ever waited for, but Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies blows it out of the water. This is the best book I've read this year, and I encourage every single person who cares at all about anything that I write about here to give Chris Kluwe's book a chance. 

Stop and Frisk Ruled Unconstitutional

New York has a very controversial law. It's called Stop and Frisk, and it means that NYPD officers can stop any citizen, anytime, for any reason, and frisk them. For the past few months, civil rights activists, and any American who learns of this and has a conscience have been talking about the racial profiling that this law condones. Black and hispanic New Yorkers are being stopped and searched way more than whites are, and the great thing about this story, is that it is impossible to argue. Every single stop and frisk is documented, which means we now have a group of beautiful facts, numbers that can't be denied, telling us the truth. That truth? Wait for it.......turns out white people have way more drugs and guns on their person than minorities do. Who knew!?

The data for these searches is compiled by the New York Public Advocate's Office, and their newly released findings are certainly eye-widening. In their analysis of 2012 statistics, the advocate office found that black citizens searched were HALF as likely to be in possession of a handgun or illegal substance as white people were. Officer Pedro Serrano, an 8 year police force veteran, testified in court that the Deputy Inspector Christopher McCormick had told him exactly who to focus all of his stop and frisk attention on. “I don’t have any trouble telling you this: male blacks 14 to 20, 21,”. That conversation was recorded. 

The problem here is that minorities are stopped and searched way more than white people are, despite the numbers showing that technically, white people are the much bigger threat in terms of illegal drugs and weapons. Also, the law states that the police have to be aware of a crime, or think that a crime is about to happen in order to stop someone, but they haven't been following that rule. Darius Charney, the attorney representing the plaintiffs in court this morning said that the NYPD "laid siege to black and Latino communities" through "arbitrary, unnecessary and unconstitutional harassment". The judge agreed, and has ruled this law unconstitutional, appointing an independent moderator to oversee the reform.

In my opinion, not only does this entire ordeal say something quite somber about who Americans perceive as criminals, but it also provides me with more evidence against our police forces' quota system. Here in Pennsylvania, the end of the month is a scary time to drive, because cops need to get the correct amount of arrests to fill their quota before the new month begins. Chicago was the same way. Crime should be stopped as you learn of it, not by how many crimes you want there to be, or think there should be. This is a disgusting way to serve your citizens, you know, the ones you stop and search because of their brown-ness, but ironically pay your salaries with their tax money? Yeah, those people.

5 Games I Hate That You Love

Ever hope that a movie is good, and then it isn't? Have you ever read a book that's a bestseller, and you hate it? Video games are unique because unlike books, movies, and music, games that sell well, are almost always good. Call of Duty and Madden are always the top sellers, and while they aren't my cup of tea, they certainly aren't bad games. Britney Spears has sold more records than anyone, but does she make good music? The best selling book ever is the bible, (it's actually a biography of Mao that every Chinese citizen must own) and the bible is fucking awful. However, there are 5 games that everyone adores, praises, and worships, and I fucking hate them. It's not that they just aren't for me, these are 5 rare examples of games that are crazy popular, and are bad. Actually bad. Please, before reading, understand that these games are generally liked and that means that you may disagree with me. But that's okay! Remember, when you disagree with me, that means that you are wrong, and realizing that you are wrong is the first step to thinking correctly.

Ico

Everybody loves this piece of lettuce, and I have no idea why. You play as the saddest excuse for a viking ever, who has to lead a princess, by the hand, for the entirety of the game. You'll hear that this game is art, that it moves a piece of your soul as you experience it, but it's a 10 hour escort mission, with invisible walls and frustratingly vague objectives. Ico sucks, and is considered one of the most popular cult classics ever. People are so stupid.

Chrono Trigger

I've never been in a fight before, but I came close, twice, and both times it was over my opinion of this game. I do not like Chrono Trigger, it simply isn't very good. The characters are bleh, and the models are not Akira Toriyama's best work. The story is the worst, it feels like a hodge-podge of all the bad anime characters in the universe, with a combat system that makes you fall asleep as you pick the same move over, and over, and over. Chrono Trigger is widely considered to be one of the greatest RPGs ever made, but in an era of SNES masterpieces like Secret of Mana, FF4, Link to the Past, Super Mario RPG and Earthbound, I have no idea why.

Ecco the Dolphin

Before you freak the fuck out, stop, and think. Why do you like this game? Really, just think about it for 2 minutes. Is it the controls? Well, if you think that this game has a good control scheme, then you probably think Jeff Dunham is funny. Do you like the game because of the story? Well, there isn't a story to speak of, so that makes you a liar. No plot, bad controls, and an always nagging WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO !!??repeating in your skull over and over makes this game a poop pile. (It's in a million top 10 sega games lists. Morons.)

God Of War

Here's a small exception. These games suck ass, but unlike the other 4 on my list, I know why you guys like God of War. It's easy. Really, really easy. Why waste your time on superior PS2 adventure games like Prince of Persia or Shadow of the Colossus that make you restart at your previous checkpoint (SHOCK!) every once in a while, when you could play God of War, an uninspired, unoriginal, run of the mill greek gods game that requires you to tap x and then triangle to beat the entire damn thing. If I want to watch a movie, I'll do just that, I don't enjoy watching cutscenes for 12 hours.

Metroid Prime

Like the FPS genre or not, it's by far the most popular type of game. With so many shooters on the market, each one has been fine tuned, taking something truly innovative and monumental to stand out. That's why I don't understand the popularity of the Metroid Prime series. It's like, 15th best in every category. The shooting itself? We've all played better. The enemies? Monochromatic and boring, (dinosaurs?). The story? It's generic, I'm sorry Metroid fans, but it is time to be honest with yourselves. Every planet in the Metroid universe has a number for a name like a rejected Roddenberry script. My biggest problem with this horseshit is the lore. Everytime I walk down a hallway, enter a new room, lift a new box, or pick my nose, I HAVE TO SCAN EVERY SINGLE PIXEL OF THE ENVIRONMENT FROM TOP TO BOTTOM. The Metroid Prime series in my opinion, is completely unplayable, it would be one thing if the lore revealed something worth reading, but it doesn't. 

Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons

Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons is a downloadable title that I want to play. Bad. The gaming industry has become afraid of risks on the top level, going with safe ideas that guarantee at least some profit, leaving the true innovation to the small games, the 15$ XBLA downloads and Ipad/phone gems. Games like Braid, Limbo, Bastion, have changed the way I appreciate the indie developer, and everything that I have seen so far about Brothers has me believing that it is next in line. 

Brothers is the brainchild of Ezio Auditore look-a-like Josef Fares, who has invented a system for controlling both Brothers at the same time. The older brother moves with the left stick, the younger with the right. In a hype video that you can find on the Xbox Live Summer of Arcade page, Fares seemed irritated when asked why the game wasn't co-op, using a well-thought shoe-tying metaphor for explaining how your thumbs, in concert, provide a much smoother experience than if you split control of the two dudes with someone else. This game is ambitious, especially because of it's length. If this dual stick mechanic doesn't work well, then you can't expect the gamer to sit through 30+ hours of story.

Watch this video of Josef Fares explaining his game, (he even talks like Ezio), and get excited for this game. I know I am.

"A man, clinging to life. His two sons, desperate to cure their ailing father, are left with but one option. They must set out upon a journey to find and bring back the "Water of Life" as they come to rely on one another to survive. One must be strong where the other is weak, brave where the other is fearful, they must be... Brothers."

Joe Eddins

You may have thought that Oklahoma born democrats were a thing of myth, similar to the unicorn, the hobbit, or the pretty girl who doesn't mind doing dishes. However, I happen to be an Oklahoma-crat, the rarest of creatures, and so is this man, Joe Eddins. As a lefty sooner, Mr. Eddins became a congressman, and proceeded to do something good, something very important. In a political system where Oklahoma contributes nothing positive, Joe Eddins made pre-k available to all children no matter their family's income, and the results are shocking.

This expanded access pre-k program was silently slipped into an unrelated bill, successfully dodging the radar of the dozens of Oklahoma republican congressman who lack empathy. Now pre-kindergarten participation in Oklahoma is higher than any other state in the union, a holy-shit 74% of all four-year-olds attend. The bill also increases the standards and necessary qualifications for the teachers who instruct pre-k, making an even bigger impact on early education. William Gormley, a researcher for Georgia University's Center for Research on Children in the United States, studied children in these pre-k programs extensively, concluding that all children who participate leap ahead 9 months in reading ability, letter reading, and problem solving. “Those are really big gains,” Gormley said. “Oklahoma decided that it was a waste of time and money to have a low quality program, so it decided to have high quality programs…which can produce really big improvement in school readiness for a wide range of children.”

For once, Oklahoma has contributed something to the political stage that voters can be proud of. Finally I have something to say about my home state that isn't shameful. B-rock himself had nothing but great things to say about Oklahoma's pre-k system, “In states that make it a priority to educate our youngest children — like Georgia or Oklahoma,” President Obama said in his State of the Union address, “studies show students grow up more likely to read and do math at grade level, graduate high school, hold a job, form more stable families of their own. We know this works.” 

This is a big deal. By giving something so beneficial to everyone, poor and middle-class families across racial lines, and by spending a quality amount of money on it, Oklahoma has done something truly beautiful. I certainly would not mind my tax money being used to give children a fighting chance in our insane education system. You know, I'd like it a hell of a lot more than using my tax money to imprison non-violent criminals, or spending my tax cash on even more lube for the eternal butt-fucking of the country that corporations and oil companies get to enjoy. Joe Eddins is a democrat, in the most insane of budget cutting states, who has actually achieved something. Bravo.

Giving Assassin's Creed Another Chance

I hated the first Assassin's Creed. The sci-fi concept was so interesting, that it made it such a shame that the meat of the game was bad. I wanted to like it, I wanted to fall head over heels for such a unique blending of futuristic technology and detailed world history. But the game itself sucked, and I quit about halfway through, never to try again. I agreed to play #2 after much persuasion, but honestly, I think I played maybe ten minutes before turning it off, letting my hatred of the original spoil my objectivity for the sequel. That, was a big mistake.

Microsoft let us download Assassin's Creed 2 for free last month, so I took the opportunity to give the game another chance. My opinion has completely changed. I love how this game is built, I love that they provide me with the history of each historical Italian landmark instead of insulting my intelligence with omission. I like that Ezio's sudden change of lifestyle from banker's spoiled son to legacy assassin is so believable. I love that I feel powerful enough to fight four guards at once, but not forty, or that I can scale any tower of any height, but I have to be careful about falling. What makes this game so good is balance, you're highly skilled, very lethal, but mortal, and you certainly feel it.

I liked the sci-fi ideas that the first game presented, and they really drive it home in two. Now there is another person leaving me clues inside the animus, in the form of hidden glyphs. They took a game that was already a mix of Grand Theft Auto, Prince of Persia, Tomb Raider and Splinter Cell, and added a Da Vinci Code element. With the apple of eden and crazy monolithic conspiracy theories, Assassin's Creed 2 is interesting, and not just to 13 year olds who like stabbing prostitutes in the ear, but also fascinating to the history buffs and Dan Brown readers. This game speculates about Thomas Edison, Nikola Tesla, Henry Ford, and their involvement in a Free Mason like world control plot. It's unique, and worthwhile. 

Im excited to have a new franchise to slowly catch up with. Hopefully, Brotherhood is just as good, because I think I owe it to this story to seek out the next installment at least. My only request, is that they get rid of this chick. She's annoying, poorly voiced, and talks about hacking like they did in the 90's. "I'll just bypass the mainframe and siphon the data externally." You do that.