Assassin's Creed 4: Black Flag Review

As I write this, I am twenty-six years old. Twelve year old me had very different tastes and looked for very different things in my video games. My favorite game of my twelfth year was Conker's Bad Fur Day. Now that I am an adult, and a father, I need something a little more than gratuitous violence and cock jokes in my virtual experiences. Watching the suggested sex scenes in GTA just doesn't give me the same sort of excitement that it did back when my voice was dropping. The fact that my tastes are changing with my age is exactly why Assassin's Creed 4 is so good. I get plenty of violence, suggested sex, and a well-built game that adds a mature sci-fi angle and a detailed history lesson to boot. It's like playing a social studies textbook, with an upgradable pirate ship.

A lot of my favorite games are my favorites because they ask unique questions about the future of technology, and the morals that get tested as a result. Mass Effect for example, asks if a justifiable genocide could ever truly be the most humane option, Deus Ex challenges the player to decide if the information that the human race receives should be controlled and Bioshock asks what would happen if a city free of god, government and taxes really did exist. Assassin's Creed 4 brings their animus machine to the masses, putting you in the shoes of a new tech hire at a corporation whose goal it is to record actual history by taping their employees' experiences in the animus. The idea is that you login to the animus, relive one of your ancestor's memories, and then make the actual historical events into a movie. Real history as entertainment. It sounds like the greatest invention ever until your boss starts changing dates around, altering and photoshopping real historical events to make them more exciting to a paying audience. This is where the game got morally grey for me, and super interesting. 

Assassin's Creed games always consist of two timeline extremes; the near-future technology revolution and the distant past. Black Flag is simply the most believable pirate experience I have ever had, including movies and books. Ubisoft went the extra mile to ensure that every pirate's backstory was historically accurate, including the details of real battles and untimely ends. Obviously, the narrative about Edward Kenway is fiction, but it is woven into the very true story about the pirates of the Caribbean. Instead of portraying Blackbeard as a mythical, undead water god like every other depiction, in Black Flag he is just a man with a lot of bravery, a lot of crew members, and a hate of colonial governments. So when Blackbeard does something truly remarkable in AC4, it feels so much more intense, because you know he is just a man, and you know that what you are seeing in the game really happened. It is an achievement that I haven't ever seen before in a video game, except for others in this series. 

The parkour controls are the best that they have ever been and this is the busiest sandbox that I've played in a while. Gold is difficult to obtain so big upgrades feel immensely satisfying when you can finally afford them and the swordplay has adapted to the addition of guns seamlessly. Listing the good and bad things about a game like this is unnecessary because the art that has been presented here has to be witnessed, occasional frustrating escort missions be damned. Black Flag is incredible, and marks the high point in a franchise that has only recently garnered my full attention. Can't wait for the next one.

Tim Huelskamp is an enormous douche

Hit play and watch the best part of last night's State of the Union festivities. Tim Huelskamp of Kansas calls my girl a cheerleader while saying Benghazi over and over again. What I liked so much about this little interview is that it seems to be an accurate metaphor for today's American politics. Democrats and Obama try to discuss the issues that we all want solutions to, Republicans hammer home fake conspiracy theories as if convincing us that Hilary Clinton murdering a diplomat will somehow also get us all to agree that the size of your bank account should determine how much democracy you get. 

3 more awesome things about Sleeping Dogs

As you know, I've been playing a lot of Sleeping Dogs lately. I was not expecting to enjoy this GTA-clone so much, but the game has a lot of unique features and good ideas. Take this bloody wedding suit for instance, not only does it look really cool, but you receive this outfit after a very major plot twist. Wearing this disgusting blood suit as you drive through Hong Kong keeps your mind focused on all the revenge that you need to get around to exacting. 

Yes, that is Wei holding a fish by the tail as a weapon. Yes, Saints Row has been doing goofy stuff like this in sandbox games for years, but unlike the Row, Sleeping Dogs's fight sequences are all Kung-fu. What's the difference? Well, backflip kicking an enemy Triad then finishing him off with a brutal fish-smack is just better in Sleeping Dogs because of the pretty martial arts.

Finally, there's this guy. According to the Sleeping Dogs's wiki page, his name is Keith Liu, and he runs the parking garage outside of your character's apartment building. You talk to him every time you take one of your cars out, and he always has something melancholy to say. Running around Hong Kong busting drug dealers and collecting protection money is only made cooler when the blue collar sucker at the car park says, "I wish I could live your life, for just one day" as you peel away in your Chinese Porsche.

The quest for a decent iPhone RPG continues

I'm not one of those gamers who looks down on the iPhone's gaming industry, in fact, I hold out hope that we will soon start receiving stellar iGames that aren't exclusively puzzle or tower defense. If the Gameboy color can release one of the greatest strategy RPG's ever made, then surely the iPhone can deliver an RPG that is worth my time. So I downloaded Dawn of Magic, an RPG that looks pretty good and might actually have some depth.

So I rolled my eyes through the story (you've read through all of this text before in a million other RPG's from the 90's), battled a bunch of spiders, leveled up 5 times before reaching the first city. This asshole (above) challenged me to a fight as soon as I walked in. Turns out he's a mini-boss not to be attempted until the endgame, but no warning was given to me, so I lost. Just a minor inconvenience right? Well, I got a game over screen and had to completely restart the game from the beginning. I won't be playing Dawn of Magic anymore, and the quest for a decent iPhone RPG continues..

3 Good Ideas from Sleeping Dogs

GUIDE ARROWS ON THE STREET

In Sleeping Dogs, while driving to a destination, I get turn by turn directions in the form of guide arrows that appear in the middle of the street. You don't have to glance down at your minimap to confirm that you are going in the right direction, ever. It sounds like a small thing, but it drastically cuts down on collisions and it's minor convenience is something you can't live without after a couple hours.

YOUR CLOTHES HAVE STATS

It's a complaint that I have had with the GTA series for years, you give us all of these appearance customization options, but for what? Why should I care what my custom criminal is wearing? Well, when a certain shirt/pants combo can increase your melee damage by 5%, or wearing sunglasses and cowboy boots give you an XP boost, you care. I love that about Sleeping Dogs.

ACTION HIJACKING!

In Sleeping Dogs, if you drive your motorcycle behind a car/van/truck at a steady speed, you may hold down the A button and if timed properly, you can jump from speeding bike to the top of speeding car. It's exhilarating, tricky, and I just unlocked a perk that allows me to lower my wanted level by doing an Action Hijack during a police chase. 

I love the snow

That's a picture of Jefferson Park in 1999, the Chicago neighborhood that I lived in when the 99 blizzard hit. Growing up in that city, I developed a deep love of snow and cold, a love that has re-flourished here in Philadelphia as we dig out of the accumulated 13 inches we received over the past couple days. In fact Philly right now feels a lot like those Chicago winters of my childhood, (except with waaaayyyy more bitching from those local residents) and the 3 of us have spent these couple snow days indoors, re-arranging furniture and playing video games.

Maybe I love the cold so much because it forces you to remain indoors, where the video games are. I've been playing Sleeping Dogs, Oliver has been playing with his iPad toddler games and Stephanie has the new Fables Telltale game to keep her occupied. Im excited about snow, and I'm excited about raising gamer kids to make the most out of snow days in the future.

Sleeping Dogs vs River City Ransom

Sleeping Dogs is free on Xbox Gold this month, so I thought I'd give it a try and see how Square Enix handles a GTA clone. So far I really like it, and despite the bland-awful story, the game introduces a lot of cool new ideas. I've never played a crime-sandbox with this many RPG elements before, and I really enjoy scouring Hong Kong for collectibles. 

After a couple hours though, I started thinking about one of my favorite NES games from childhood, River City Ransom. Sleeping Dogs reminds me of it at every turn, the Chinese turf wars, the brutal environmental takedowns, the greasy hair, almost everything about Sleeping Dogs just feels like a polished-up modernization of the grandfather of good beat-em-ups. So I saved my game in Dogs, and turned on the old virtual console to play some River City Ransom, something I haven't done in years.

River City Ransom was the first side scrolling beat em up that I ever played, and I consider it the best of it's era. This was an NES game that gave you the ability to upgrade your damage and defense, more moves than just punch and kick, with way more weapons than Streets of Rage or Double Dragon. It had money, and shops, restaurants to fill your health bar and punks who would scream BARF when you kicked them.

When you play Sleeping Dogs, think about River City Ransom and just how far the old Hong Kong street punk theme has come in video games.

Do you ever think about cords?

I remember being 9 years old, growing up on an American army base in Germany. I remember a day there very well, a day where I had just received Phantasy Star 4 for my Sega, and A Link to The Past for my Snes. I had 3 friends over after school that day, and we ripped into Phantasy Star 4 first. After getting a few towns in, the consensus was that we stop and switch to Zelda, which meant that I had to lay down on my side, slide behind the dresser, and switch the consoles. I had to unhook the Sega cord coming out the back of my tv, then screw on the Snes cord, then unplug the giant Sega brick from the outlet, replacing it with the gray Snes brick.

Cords back in the day were a galactic pain in the ass. When the Dreamcast/PS2/Xbox/Gamecube era came around, I had 8 consoles dedicated to one tv, meaning the cord-work behind the dresser now came with an Amazon rainforest of cords to crawl through. However, I had them all memorized. I knew PS2 color cords apart from the Xbox's, and I could easily pick out the Saturn's power brick despite it looking identical to others. Cords were an art, not one that I miss, but a necessary evil during the retro days. To this day I have yet to encounter an electronic that I have been unable to hook up or set-up properly, and I give credit to the trillions of cords that I have untangled and sifted through in my lifetime.

I think about my son Oliver and the total lack of cord knowledge that he will have. I was born in 1987, which means that the NES was the current system at the time. Looking at what we have now, and seeing how advanced we have become since then, a startling fact always bubbles up; when Oliver was born, the current systems were 360/PS3. Those are the consoles that were at their prime when he was born. By the time he is a teenager, do you think his video game systems will have cords? Will they even have controllers? With all of those amazing NES/Snes/Sega games that we grew up with looking more and more outdated with each day, how are we ever going to convince our children that they are worth experiencing? I just hope that Oliver can maintain a level of patience while watching his father untangle the Sega cords for over an hour just to show off how awesome Battletoads is.

Walking Dead Season 2: Episode 1

Telltale's 2nd season of their amazing Walking Dead point and click adventure game came out recently, and now that I am done with Black Flag, I finally had some time to sit down with it. You play as Clementine this time around, directing her actions as she tries to survive in this zombie world alone. I finished episode 1, and if you take a look at my decision list that they provide at the end of every episode, one fact is very clear, what I did to that dog was so fucked up. Only 13% of other players made the same dog decision that I did, and while I won't give any spoilers, I knew it was pretty horrific when I did it.

This episode was a great start, all of the same mechanics are there, same great writing, and split second decisions that you know will affect absolutely everything. There are already 2 major choices that I wish I could re-make, but I will not replay any chapter. I urge you as well to stick to every decision you make in this game regardless of consequences instead of starting over, because thats kinda what the entire experience is about. Make choices, witness the fallout from said choices, then figure out the next best move to survive. 

I'm so happy this series is back! 

What An Asshole

Freedom Industries press conference regarding chemical spill

When you click the link above, you are going to see the president of the company responsible for spilling a dangerous chemical into West Virginia's drinking water addressing reporters for the first time since the accident. This man, Gary Southern, obviously does not want to be there and demonstrates this by attempting to leave the press conference repeatedly. What makes Mr. Southern such an asshole though, is that while disrespecting a frustrated, thirsty town's questions about their contaminated drinking water by trying to leave over and over again, is that GARY SOUTHERN IS DRINKING BOTTLED WATER DURING THE ENTIRE PRESS CONFERENCE. Your company is responsible for the contaminated drinking water that is ruining the lives of over a quarter million people, who are struggling to get enough water into their own homes by other means, and you have the brass balls required to drink Aquafina in front of them?

See it? What a chode.

here's an article about the entire disaster

My Favorite Video Game Voice Actors

The video game voice actor job is much harder than most gamers realize, and since we all know that games are the most astounding form of art that humanity has in modern times, then I think it behooves us all to distinguish those who are truly great at it. I'll list my five favorite game actors here, and hopefully all of my readers will start to appreciate the craft the way they do with normie movie stars.

Vic Mignogna

Mr. Mignogna is arguably the most famous anime VA there is, with a crazy fan following of screaming girls and Naruto cosplaying yuppie teenagers. However, other than being Ed from Full Metal Alchemist, Vic has lent his voice to dozens of video games, my favorite being Junpei from the revolutionary Persona 3. Vic Mignogna's voices in the Dragonball Z: Budokai make the fights very intense and greatly helped that franchise achieve incredible success. Vic might not be the leading role in every game he voices, but he is a master of doing 8-10 supporting characters in one project, making the world around the player so very real and engaging. If you see his name in the credits, pay attention to the role, and see for yourself just how immersive his voice can be. 

(Kind of a side note here, but I went to one of his panels at ACEN, and witnessed him passing out voice acted Biblical scripture cd's that he had made for free to anyone who would like one. Vic is an example of a Christian who doesn't make my eyes roll.)

Gideon Emery

Gideon Emery is currently a heartthrob on MTV's Teen Wolf, but the man also has a seriously impressive video game resume'. Sun Quan from the Dynasty Warriors series, 3 voices in The Last of Us, Starcraft 2's marines, Reginald from Assassin's Creed 3, a bunch of Skyrim voices, the Thrashball fan from Gears of War 3, Fenris from Dragon Age 2, a Quarian shop owner in Mass Effect 2, Steve Fox from Tekken, and my absolute favorite, Balthier from Final Fantasy 12. Gideon Emery has that rare (in the video game world) South African spin on a British accent that makes his characters extremely unique. Balthier is the wittiest game character that I can think of, and hearing Emery's voice do a Chinese Sun Quan is very impressive. He also does Carlos from Resident Evil 3!

Jennifer Hale

Jennifer Hale used to be an NFL correspondent for FOX, but she's also been an actor in tons of tv shows, and a voice actor in many, many video games. Jennifer Hale is considered the most recognizable female voice actor out there, and for good reason, she's the voice of Samus Aran from Metroid. However, Jen is also Hawkgirl/Killer Frost in Injustice, Rosalind Lutece in Bioshock Infinite, Sara Palmer from Halo 4, Starfire in Teen Titans, Naomi Hunter AND Emma Emmerich from Metal Gear. Almost every role she takes in the video game industry ends up being a character that makes the leap to icon status. 

Jennifer Hale is also the voice behind FemShep, the female version of Shepard in the Mass Effect series. Her skills are superior to her male counterpart's, and I strongly encourage all of those who have not played through Mass Effect as a chick to do so. I promise you will come out of the experience with a much stronger appreciation for the craft.

James Arnold Taylor

James Taylor is Ratchet from Ratchet and Clank. He is also Obi-wan Kenobi in the Clone Wars tv series, and the Lego Star Wars games. He is Loki in all Marvel video games, and Leonardo in the TMNT tv show that is now entering it's 7th season. He was Yggdrasill in Tales of Symphonia, and Spiderman in our Spidey games. James Arnold also happens to do a perfect Johnny Depp voice, playing the roles of Jack Sparrow and Willy Wonka in video games, and playing Johnny Depp himself on Celebrity Deathmatch.

That's all impressive for sure, and all of us nerds know him well, but the reason I'm such a fan of Taylor's is because his is the voice of Tidus from Final Fantasy 10. FFX was such a big deal to me as a kid, and Tidus was a character I was really interested in. Had the role been given to someone else, I don't know if Final Fantasy 10, Kingdom hearts, or 10-2 would have been the same.

John DiMaggio

John DiMaggio is my favorite voice actor. I really do not believe that anyone is on his level, and perhaps if his resume' was a tad larger, others would feel the same way. John is the voice of Bender from Futurama, which is obviously his biggest success, but he is also Jake on Adventure Time and Brother Blood from Teen Titans. Did you ever see the Batman: Under the Red Hood movie? John DiMaggio played the Joker in that and did it well, despite Mark Hamill's monopoly on that role. 

When you shift your attention to video games, you'll notice that DiMaggio is the voice of Marcus Fenix in Gears of War, and Wakka from Final Fantasy 10. If you read this blog regularly, you'll no doubt remember that Wakka is my favorite video game character ever, and that is because of John DiMaggio. Wakka is an island water-soccer player with deep, traditional beliefs that border on racism, and becomes a new father as well during the game. Following Wakka's growth is what made me love games on a deeper level than before, and DiMaggio's voice was the most important part of that. He created an entirely new and unheard of accent for that game, which I have yet to see a single other voice actor do. Wakka's voice is a mix of Jamaican and Australian, with a British twang that makes those from Besaid such a believable group despite being 100% fictional. I consider him the Tom Hanks of voice acting, and everyone reading this should spend some time looking into his career. John DiMaggio has also been given the greatest honor that any actor can receive, he got to be a bartender in an episode of Law and Order!

The Ghost Ship

The coolest thing about Assassin's Creed 4: Black Flag are the optional "Legendary Ship" bosses, scattered around the four corners of the Caribbean. According to most, these should be avoided until every ship upgrade has been purchased and you consider yourself a very seasoned captain. I said fuck it and tried to take down The Ghost Ship. 

Sorry to say that I lost after a very exhilirating aquatic battle. I got the HMS Prince to about half-health, before it loaded it's broadside canons and proceeded to rape me with heavy shot. These bonus boss fights are awesome and very difficult, but not beyond reach. I'll try again when I can afford a stronger hull. 

The Drug Using Welfare Recipient Stereotype

What we think our tax money should be spent on is one of the biggest things that Republicans and Democrats argue about. Republicans have this peculiar belief that the poor are lazy, and that if you really wanted something, you would have it. This may sound like the philosophy of a pre-renaissance French monarch, but it is just as big of a backbone to the red party as being anti-abortion is. Cutting welfare, unemployment benefits, and destroying anything that helps the poor cope is a vital part of being an American Republican.

The right-wing recently had their big opportunity to prove us lefties wrong, when they proposed a bill in Florida, that would require all welfare recipients to pass a drug test before receiving their benefits.  Ignoring for a moment how disgustingly unconstitutional this is, or just how many basic human rights this violates, let us just take a look at the results of such a grand experiment. 

Only 108 out of 4,086 people failed the drug test

That's 2.6 percent of Florida's welfare recipients who failed the mandatory test to receive their benefits. 8 percent of our general population use illegal drugs, which means that those on welfare are 3 times LESS LIKELY to be drug users. Imagine that, some bone headed stubborn Republican belief turns out to be nothing more than an ignorant stereotype. 

Pokédad's 2013 Game of the Year Is....

Bioshock Infinite

After going through my list of the best games of 2013, I used my embarrassingly arbitrary criteria to narrow the field to just two games. Bioshock Infinite and The Last of Us. Both games were stellar, and looking back at the notes I made while playing through them, they both had very few flaws. If the decision between the two is based on how much fun the games are, or how well they're made, then I think it would be impossible to choose. What gives Bioshock Infinite the edge is that the game has something very important to say. And for me personally, as an American politics geek, I was really interested in hearing it.

The way Infinite begins was a smart introduction to the game's political point of view. You walk through a beautiful city in the sky, a perfect place with no crime and happy kids playing everywhere. It's like Mayberry in the clouds, but just a few minutes later you're entered into a raffle at the fair in which the winner gets to bean an interracial couple with a baseball. Columbia is a reflection of the America that was when the city separated itself from the rest of the globe. Manifest destiny, American exceptionalism, racial purity, Infinite never lets you forget how fine the line between patriotism and disgusting evil can be.

While you are admiring that thought provoking plot, you will be busy shooting robotic gatling gun wielding George Washingtons, and launching goons off of zeppelins with blasts of magic water. The frantic shootouts and gunplay are the best the series has ever shown, and Infinite is as fun as it is complex. Unlike the previous two games, my play style was catered to in Infinite, sniping from far away while laying traps for those who try to come find me. 

2K has found a way to make every installment in their Bioshock series important. Yes, they are all fun shooters, but now we are seeing the Bioshock games made with the intent to start intelligent, grown-up conversations. I eagerly await the next one, and while The Last of Us is just as life changing and amazing, Bioshock Infinite makes you question a lot of things that you had never thought to question before. Gaming sure has changed hasn't it?

Pokédad's 2013 Game of the Year

I compiled a big fat list of all the games that I played this year, and then shortened the list to 25. I then shortened it again to my 10 favorite 2013 games. I did this last year, Mass Effect 3 won, and I got the most page views ever because of it, so I'm doing it again. Here are my ten favorite games that were released in 2013.

GTA5

Modernized with bits of nostalgia here and there, an insane-in-a-good-way plot, and some of the best video game voice acting that I have ever experienced, GTA5 was really, really good. The online was an incredible letdown though, but the single player was way more than enough.

Assassin's Creed 4: Black Flag

I'm very shocked by just how much I love this game. It has absolutely done away with every problem that I had with the series, and gave such an interesting sic-fi twist to it's overarcing plot that I can't put it down. Black Flag is also a lot of fun.

Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons

Its an artistic adventure of terrain puzzles, Brothers was a beautiful thing to play. The achievements were really clever, and one of the few examples of play being enhanced by them. The story is sweet and like I said in my review of it a few months ago, the giant level is mind blowing.

Batman Arkham Origins

The newest Batman game set before the other Batman games, where you traverse Gotham fighting all of the famous and not so famous villains while upgrading your shit and collecting riddle packs. Whats extra interesting about this installment is the fact that you play a Batman thats new to the job.

Bioshock Infinite

I said it was my favorite installment in the Bioshock series and I stand by that. Also, note that I consider the original Bioshock to be one of the greatest leap forwards that the industry has ever made. It's rare to have so much anticipation, and then not be let down in any way. I really loved Infinite.

State of Decay

Completely out of left field, State of Decay was a 20$ downloadable game that I really stressed over buying. I'm glad I did, because what you get with State of Decay is a genius zombie survival game that is all about resource management, and making good choices. Your characters are average people, who will die if bitten, so you have to be careful, plan ahead, and build a super strong base. State of Decay was a very pleasant surprise.

Luigi's Mansion: Dark Moon

Luigi's Mansion was a Gamecube game that I remember fondly, so I was very excited to play it's sequel. There are things about this title that I didn't like, like timed levels, but I had a lot of fun, and that spider boss was pretty sweet.

Pokémon Y

Every new release into the Pokémon series is a big deal, but X/Y this year felt a little bigger. 3D environments, lots of wifi stuff, X/Y were ambitious and very well executed. I had fun, but it felt routine, and left me wondering if any of us Pokénerds will ever get what we really want.

The Last of Us

I play games for the story first and foremost, which makes The Last of Us feel like it was made just for me. This is video game plot writing at it's finest, progressing a beautiful narrative with every second that ticks by. The Last of Us is scary, very intense at times, and the complete story is a tear jerker. It is the best survival horror game ever made.

The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds

If you want Zelda fanboys to cum in their tunics, then making a sequel to A Link to the Past is a great start. The music is nostalgic, the areas themselves are the same, this new Zelda is a fantastic reminder of why the old Zeldas are so fondly remembered. You also get this cool new 2D wall walking power.

I'll pick a winner and let you know, thanks for another year!

My Patience Is Gone

I'm a few hours into the new Zelda for the 3DS, A Link Between Worlds, and this picture here has been the cause of much stress. You see, I was having trouble figuring out how to get inside the 2nd light world dungeon in the middle of Lake Hylia. I explored every adjacent screen, tried a million times to hookshot my way there, or find a clear patch of wall for 2D access, but no luck. I talked to the random Zora guy above a few times, not realizing that I needed to painting-walk across the gap he is staring at. I was pulling my hair out, pissed off and refusing to let the internet guide me in any way. I had lost my patience and finally gave in, slapping my chubby face as soon as I learned how easy the solution to my problem was. There is a truth here that haunts me a little, and thats the fact that when I was a little kid, this problem would not have phased me.

This is a picture of an epic boss battle in Lunar: Silver Star Story. I remember this fight very vividly, because I fought it hundreds of times in a row. You see, in Lunar, one single stat point can mean the difference between victory and defeat, and every boss battle can be up to an hour long. Lunar is a hardcore JRPG, that forces you to try and try again until preparation, memorization and luck finally pay off. I could not win this fight now, I know that, but I did when I was 12. I do not believe that I am rusty, or that my reflexes have dulled with age, but I do admit that my patience has evaporated.

This is the famous mine cart level from Donkey Kong Country, and that is the hardest jump in the whole fucking game. Responsible for a million game overs, this level is frustrating, cheap, and really, really long. I beat this level when I was a tiny child, but only after hours, and hours of rinsing and repeating. There is a duplicate level in the new Donkey Kong Country Returns for the Wii, and I quit after the 3rd death. It's a timing issue, the jump is so difficult because your instincts about when to press B are wrong. I can figure that problem out with enough tries, but I simply don't have the patience for it anymore.

So I got my flippers and I'm ready to continue on in Zelda, but this tiny little snag in my forward progress made me think about that old retro vs modern gaming argument. Games aren't just different these days because of looks, the fundamentals have changed, but so have we. I will never have to brave another brutal JRPG like Lunar again, because companies don't do that anymore. Games have changed, not because our swords have dulled, but because our patience stayed behind with our child selves. The lesson to be learned from all of this? TELL ME THAT I NEED THE FUCKING FLIPPERS BEFORE GOING TO THE 2ND DUNGEON INSTEAD OF BEING ALL GAY VAGUE ABOUT IT.