The 1950s Were Not That Great

Sometimes I think that if I was born in the 1950s, that things would be better. I am twenty-six now, and going through the stressful process of buying a home. A man of my age and profession in the American 50s would not only be able to afford a home, but wouldn't need a two income household to do it. Instead now, in 2014, my lady needs to work and I need to settle on a house that is a little less than what my dreams want it to be. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like for my young little family had we been born just 60 years earlier.

Nostalgia can cloud the obvious truth though. I would have the best of opportunities in the 1950s of course, because I'm a man, and more importantly to that era's citizens, I'm white. However, I am an atheist, and living with the true religious freedom of today can cause one to forget what life would be like just a short time ago for someone who doesn't think that god is real. I would be forced to keep my atheism from everyone, a little blasphemic series of thoughts hidden safely away in the back of my skull. Were I alive in that age, I would not be me, instead, an imposter, pretending to agree with the status quo for fear of the accepted violence and destruction of those who didn't agree with the white christian majority.

I would fear for my son. He is three years old now, and is a member of the first generation that will (by the time they are adults) enjoy marriage equality, and legal weed. My son won't have to be shy about whatever his religious beliefs may be, and will be able to marry another man if he so chooses, with only the extremely old and senile casting poor judgement on him. Sure, if we lived here in suburban Philadelphia back in the day, we'd have a big house with a giant yard, a dog named Spot and a mother that was always home, but my kids would be uniform, products of few real individuality choices and even fewer relationship ones. Back then, the only path to true fiscal and physical security was conformity. 

Here in the present however, fiscal problems seem insurmountable. My generation, (Gen X, 80s babies) are drowning in debt, and a majority of us have less than one thousand dollars in the bank. Those like me, who managed to save enough for a down payment, are just now learning the new tricks of the trade that banks employ these days, especially the enormous penalties for the most minor of mortgage infractions. Compared to the economic boom that white men were enjoying in the 1950s, we are definitely backsliding, at least fiscally.

But today, things are better. Sure, my kids will have to struggle to own their own homes, and pay their student loans. They will probably be worked to depression by their corporate bosses and have their pensions weaseled away from them. These are problems that are dire of course, but the trade off seems to be the immense personal freedom. Today you don't have to marry anyone if you don't want to, and if you do decide to marry and then don't like it, you can get a divorce easier than ever before. You don't have to give birth to your rapist's baby, and you don't have to have sex with the opposite gender if that's not your cup of tea. Today you can walk into a Barnes and Noble and buy a book called "Jesus is an asshole" and nobody cares. It simply doesn't matter anymore. If the choice was between being broke and free or rich and confined, I'll take the first one. Everytime.

It All Started With Tetris

I had the old Tengen cart

I have been on an extreme nostalgia binge lately. I've been replaying Persona 3 and Suikoden 3 for the PS2, trying to recapture that new millennium console magic that so consumed my high school years. I've been replaying Earthworm Jim and Battletoads, proving to my adult self that the 16-bit genre made great games that last forever, not just for that generation. When I think of my 26 year journey through video games, all of the RPGs and dungeon crawlers, all of the fighting games and shooters, the sims and RTSs, I also remember the 3 that started it all. Tetris, Tiny Toon Adventures, and Adventures in the Magic Kingdom. 

The first video game controller I ever held was the perfect NES rectangle. I got an NES fairly young, 4-ish, and unlike most other kids, I did not receive Mario Bros automatically. I'm not positive why, perhaps my mother bought the console only, or maybe gave that cart to someone, but the first games I ever played were these 3, and Tetris was literally the first game I ever played. Ever. I remember it being absolutely life changing to be playing such an intense puzzle game in the comfort of my tacky 70's style living room, trying all the different music and color schemes. Tetris was a big deal back then, and I still consider the title music to be one of the best midi tracks ever made. 

Tiny Toon Adventures was my very first platformer. The game is extremely difficult, but with great references to the show, and a decent character switch system. Every toon has their own special move and benefit, (Buster jumps high, Plucky can fly, etc). This is where I did my first double-jump, got my first extra life, collected my first carrots/coins/general collectibles, but to this day I have never beaten it. The game gets so cheap and merciless towards the end, with quick game overs and no save points. I did get Mario Bros soon after this though, and I don't think I ever came back to Tiny Toons. However, although this game may not stand the test of time, I wasn't aware of how video games worked back then, so it holds a very special place in my heart. Everything in this game was new to me, and I can still feel the wonder that I felt when I was trying to figure it out.

Adventures in the Magic Kingdom is a cult classic that us nerds still bring up all the time. Replaying it today however, you realize that this cart is really just a collection of frustrating mini-games, as opposed to a wonderful Disney adventure. This game is much cooler in my memories, because when I was a kid, I could only complete a couple of the 6 required mini-games, leaving a lot of mystery swirling around my brain. "What happens when I get all 6 keys?", "I don't have enough keys to open that door, what's behind it?" I vividly remember thinking that the game must be hiding some massive secret, a cool reward for those with the skill and patience to grind-earn all the keys, but alas, nope, the game just sucks. It was the first time I ever piloted a space ship in a video game however, and the first time I jumped barrels.

These 3 games were my very first, and while they taught me some valuable lessons in how games work, the next games that graced my NES were Mario Bros, Final Fantasy and Zelda. Their lessons were much more important.

Most Anime Sucks

Some discover the truth early, in middle school perhaps, but we all learn it eventually. Most anime sucks. It's not like the Hollywood film industry, or the NBA, where most are bad but there is enough quality at the top to keep everyone happy. No, anime is a desert, a desolate tundra where there was once something great. Modern anime is the crumbling ruins of a once vast and influential empire. Modern anime is terrible.

Japanese anime can really catch you off guard when you're young. For most, watching anime for the first time is a dual experience. I remember seeing Dragonball Z as a kid and not only being blown away by the story, but also by this weird culture that I had never before been exposed to. Japan is cool, with unique customs and samurai swords, sushi and extreme respect for those who are even just a little older than you. We all fall for it, letting our tiny child brains mistake "new and interesting" for "well written art". The anime industry as a whole is just one giant shiny box with nothing of value inside.

There was a period however, when anime was worth paying attention to. You used to be able to turn on any number of cartoon channels and see Akira Toriyama at his prime, or stay up late and watch absolutely groundbreaking shows like Cowboy Bebop, or Ghost in the Shell. Anime has always been filled with enormous wastes of time, but there used to be just enough hidden gems to make it all worth it. I sadly don't believe that is the case anymore. Maybe I'm not as willing to sift through the shit to find them as I maybe was years ago, but I have been trying a little. I watched Black Cat, and Death Note, two of the most popular titles nowadays, and all I witnessed was high resolution cliches.

Japan's ego was obviously inflated when all of us American kids freaked out during the Pokemon era. Seeing their style of storytelling make so much money, I can understand why they stuck with it. But those Pokemaniacs are in their twenties now, and we are a little more deliberate with our choices. Japan is stuck in a way of thinking that will not allow their industry to grow with it's fans, and we are going elsewhere. Why are American cartoons enjoying higher ratings while the Japanese animation studios keep shutting down? Maybe it's the beautiful lack of face palms, nosebleeds, giant mallets and purple hair.

My Son Is A Very Lucky Child

The morning news is always a depressing wake-up call. I was watching the 4-hour A.M. murder report while making Oliver pancakes this morning, thinking about my own young family as a list of violent teenage suspects scrolled down the television screen. Parents being interviewed, talking about their child's drug abuse, lack of academic interest, incarcerated fathers, it's easy to glance over at your own kid doodling on an iPad and think of all the scary stuff that might happen in the future.

Yet, when I really think about it, Oliver is pretty fortunate. If every parent's goal is to provide their children with a better life than they had, then my goal was met the second Ollie was born. I never met my father, my mother was an alcoholic and an "every narcotic under the sun" abuser. I lived in a teeny one bedroom apartment on a busy street in Chicago with my space-case mom and my secretly gang affiliated little brother. I grew up with a heavy fog of Christianity, (lutheran specifically) choking the life out of me, my mother ironically talking about Jesus in between vodka/coke binges.

I was old enough not to be tricked though, and cutting my family out of my life turned out to be way easier than I had thought. As soon as I moved away, I learned that "family is the most important" and the idea of "unconditional love" is the purest of bullshits. My mother and brother are my blood relatives, sure, but every loving relationship has a line in the sand. 

Oliver has a 3-story house with 12 rooms to explore and make messes in. He has access to electronics that would have made my 9 year old Giga-pet obsessed brain implode. Oliver lives in liberal atheist household, where nobody tells him that a space magician will punish him if he thinks about breasts. Most importantly, especially in 2014, I believe Oliver has the advantage of living with his mom and dad. It's scary, because I have no example of fatherhood from my own childhood to use as a reference point, and I certainly didn't experience any 2 parent households. However, the way I feel about Stephanie, my forever g/f and parental teammate, proves to me that blood doesn't really mean anything. It's the quality of time spent, the affection given and received, and the sacrifices that you make for each other that means something.

Could Oliver grow up to be a violent criminal? Sure, of course that's a possibility, he could make the wrong friends and develop a prescription addiction. Kids like that come from happy stable homes all the time. But every child is at risk for stuff like that, and without getting too egotistical about it, I really think that Oliver has a better chance than most, and for that, he's lucky.

Cloud Is A Pathological Liar

Remember when you crawled out of Dickensian Midgar and stretched your legs on the open grasslands outside on your way to Kalm? A team of adventurers, some new acquaintances, all renting a room in the local inn to sit down and talk about all that had transpired. When you think about it, that little group, Cloud, Barrett, Aeris, Tifa and Nanaki had already been through so much. Collapsing an entire section of the city onto another section of the city, beating up a sewer pimp, killing a piece of the evil guy's mom, and rooftop fighting the Shinra president and his tentacle dog. Remember the exciting bond that this game was making you feel with your weird little group? Remember when Cloud stood up, declared himself leader, then spent the next 30 minutes lying straight to your fucking face?

Cloud's backstory is a weird one, but just because your past is complicated, doesn't give you the right to withhold information or outright lie to those who have entrusted you to steer the team in the right direction. This isn't a Morgan-Stanley team building exercise in the park, this is a hunt for the most powerful being on the planet, a mission to kill what is basically immortal to save everyone and everything. Cloud is asking every single team member to risk their lives on a daily basis without giving them the full truth beforehand. Before you start screaming that the team does eventually learn everything, remember that Aeris died before that reveal, a consequence of the lies that Cloud narcissistically invented.

You find a similar situation in FFX. The player assumes the role of Tidus, who isn't told the truth behind the group's violent pilgrimage. He does finally learn the reality of the situation, after he has already fought dozens of bosses and escaped certain death. Obviously, Tidus is a more forgiving man than I am, because my reaction would be that of someone who felt tricked, deceived into giving my help. Sure, the death fish is Tidus's dad, which involves him whether he likes it or not, but the group he is supposed to rely on omitted the fact that Yuna dies at the end of her pilgrimage from their big recruitment speech.

I'm replaying one of my favorite games of all time, Suikoden 3. Geddoe, a character I remember liking a lot, seems to be pulling a Cloud. I must not have noticed it when I was younger, but Geddoe knows immediately who the Flame Champion is but decides to keep it from the rest of the group. Even as Zexen's massive army marches to war with the grassland clans over a misunderstanding that Geddoe could easily clear up, he remains silent. To some, this type of personality from a leader comes across as "enigmatic", or "mysterious", but if I were on Cloud, Yuna, or Geddoe's team, these lies would be the reason for my leaving the group. Fuck you guys. Next time, be honest.

Star Trek vs Star Wars

There has been a lot of sci-fi produced over the past century that deals with humans coming into contact with aliens. Whether it's us discovering them or vice-versa, all first contact science fiction has one thing in common; conflict. I have always preferred Trek to Wars, and originally that was because I loved Roddenberry's vision of human empathy, but I'm starting to truly believe that we are actually heading in that direction. For real.

Here on Earth things are very fucked up. I won't argue that. I will however, argue that mankind has been growing more tolerant and progressive over time. We have become less scared of those who are different, and more understanding of cultures separate from our own. What has accelerated our empathetic enlightenment is technology, giving us newfound unlimited access to information. Chris Christie stands on his load bearing stage and paints a beautiful account of his innocence, while the facts that contradict him scroll along the bottom of the screen. Being evil is harder now, and while the bad will always happen, we now have the ability to make the entire globe focus their attention on the corrupt, using the larger liberal-leaning hive mind to shame the bigots and bad guys.

This gives me more than just hope for our cosmic future, it gives me confidence. We are slowly coming together as a global community, and by the time we meet another alien race, I am sure that we will be less Death Star planet cannon, and more Starfleet diplomacy. Will we really respond to a different intelligent race with terror and confusion? 1000 years from now? I can't imagine that being the case. Despite what conservatives say, violence, heterosexuality, and race loyalty have nothing to do with human nature. In actuality, human nature consists of only two things, evolution, and adaptability.

When I watch A New Hope, and see the thuggery in the Mos Eisley Cantina, or the libertarian fantasyland that is Jabba's Tattoine empire, I dismiss those political climates because I think we have already evolved beyond that. Could Darth Vader really get away will planet annihilation with the video and crew interviews plastered all over CNN? If Rand Paul can't get away with minor plagiarism today, or if Paul Ryan's comment that inner city "urban" people have no work ethic that was spoken in front of just a few dozen gets leaked to Dateline, then what chance does Palpatine have of masking his secret starvation of Naboo? No, the true future of mankind feels like it is leaning more towards the Enterprise's way of doing things. We should all be grateful for that.

Star Wars is action-packed, exciting, and well worth all of the time that all of us nerds have spent memorizing it's layered universe. It's just not who we are, and definitely not who we will be. Kirk, Picard, Riker, combed the universe and offered all new species and societies a respectable place in our United Federation of Planets. Of course, some people just can't be reasoned with, and since America will most certainly be the driving force behind our space-utopia's emergency-only military, then I certainly fear no Klingon. Trek is better than Wars because its optimistic, not cynical. Trek reflects who we really are, and who we are growing to be, and Wars reflects what we think we will revert to. So don't listen to Darth Vader, resistance isn't futile, in fact, our resistance to the dark side is already paying off.

Turns Out I Make A Terrible President

Democracy 3 is a very unique game that I bought on Steam for 25$ and don't entirely understand yet. You get to be President of either the UK, USA, Germany, Australia or Canada, and then work as hard as you can to get re-elected. I played one campaign as President of the United States, (although Canada was tempting) and according to this intelligent game, I suck.

Try to find the Monty Pythoin reference in this picture

I wanted to remain as realistic as possible for my first try, so I picked liberal Democrat as my party, and then chose the Republicans as the group I disagreed with the most. You must make policy changes, write bills, increase or decrease funding, and make a million other decisions. Then, you sit back and see what the electorate thinks of your changes. I learned a really, really valuable lesson here, apparently, legalizing all drugs and taking guns away from all police officers has some pretty extreme consequences.

As you can see here, I began to receive threats from The Black Power movement. I am completely sympathetic to their plight, I really am, but after taking all of the guns away from police, which unbeknownst to me at the time increases crime in poor black neighborhoods considerably, I found that I was unable to reverse my decision. My fellow Americans had adapted to my radical "no guns for cops" bill, and then threatened to impeach me if I enacted a "omg I was wrong more guns for cops" bill a mere 6 months later.

The result? Black Panthers stormed the capital and assassinated me and my entire cabinet in a hail of machine gun fire. Yay Democracy!

Has Anyone Else Played King's Field?

Lately I've been obsessed with replaying all of the games from my childhood and re-experiencing them as a dad. King's Field was one of the shittier games that I loved as a kid, and it's always fun to plug them in decades later and laugh at the idea that you were ever impressed by such a bad game. I found out this morning that the King's Field series is considered by many to be the original Dark Souls. I'm now a little more impressed with this uncommon piece of gaming history.

My mother bought this game for me, she always got me random games whenever she was feeling guilty for the shitty parenting job that she was doing. Since the games she always provided were completely impulsive and random, I got to enter these experiences blind, having no knowledge whatsoever of the game's premise. King's Field certainly supported that, because the game's story takes forever to discover. You start the game by getting dropped in a vast network of underground tunnels and cave towns with no explanation. You explore the tunnels with literally no clue what to expect, "Are there dragons in this game?", "Will I ever meet another human?", and the entire map is available right from the start. The best sword in the game just has to be stumbled upon, but the same is true for the strongest creature in the game too.

It was first person sword combat, it was man-eating plants and cryptic clues found on mysterious dead adventurers. It was pure exploration. I loved King's Field despite all of it's flaws, (I was much less critical at that age mind you) but reading the internets you'd think that this game was Zelda with all the praise it receives. I suppose I can see the similarity between King's Field  and Demon Souls, but I refuse to recommend these old FPS (that's first-person-swordyfights) games to anyone today. The nostalgia is there, but the games are hard to play again, they look like shit, the confusion is monumental, and the save points are the rarest treasure in the game. But hey, 12 year old me put 50+ hours into it.

My Son Is Growing Up Too Fast

I remember when this picture was taken, I recall that day vividly. I feel like this picture was taken weeks ago instead of the 3 years that have actually passed. At the time this was taken, Oliver was still crawling, still eating carrots out of a jar, and still taking baths in his little plastic baby tub.

While I was at work yesterday, Stephanie sent this picture to me, of Oliver getting ready to go shopping with her. He is 3 1/2 now, but I swear he looks 15. You always hear parents claim that your kids grow up fast, or that you look up one day and they're in college, and that reality hit me like a freight train yesterday. Oliver fluently uses an iPad now, he rides a bike, he uses the bathroom on his own and knows what procrastinate means. His little sister Phoebe will be born in just under 2 months, and I'm realizing how scared I am that after the frantic paranoia that is parenting a newborn is finished, I'm going to turn around and see my son even older. 

Sometimes things feel like they're moving much too quickly.

Room 237

I am a Kubrick superfan and have been thoroughly changed by his movies. I watched Room 237 today, a film about the many theories surrounding The Shining and the evidence that these ideas are based upon. Regardless of whether you think that The Shining is a metaphor for the Holocaust, the USA's genocide of the Native Americans or a confession of Kubrick's assistance with faking the moon landing, Room 237 is a must watch for anyone who's seen The Shining more than twice.

Although I am always fascinated by conspiracy theories and "hidden messages" in art, I rarely believe them. I am extremely interested in the popular conspiracy theory that Paul McCartney is actually dead, but I know that it's nonsense, or the Vinland Map that supposedly shows the Vikings in New England long before it could be possible. The difference between topics like that and Kubrick's Shining, is that in Kubrick's case, there really are hidden messages.

Mr. Kubrick is obsessed with little background details and depth perception. He purposely moves chairs and changes the properties of objects mid-scene, or frame by frame. Carpet patterns change directions in a split second, scenes fade into each other causing startling images that last for just a moment, like an outdoors scene going indoors, and for just a split second it looks like a teepee is on fire. The Calumet can is something I specifically remember from the first time I saw the movie, and Room 237 really explains the meaning behind the placement of such a unique item.

Now, not every idea in Room 237 is a valid one, for instance, I don't believe anything substantial can be learned from playing the movie forwards and backwards at the same time overlapping, but I love the fanaticism. Looking deeper into Kubrick's movies isn't something you can show someone, or pressure them into doing, it only happens when your brain spontaneously clicks on it's own during one of his films. When your mind starts piecing together all of the Native American clues, it becomes very exciting when you think you're onto something, and then confirm it. If you appreciate Stanley Kubrick's genius, or are at all interested in seeing what happens when a super genius intentionally fills a masterpiece with subliminal messages, then watch Room 237. Right now.

Final Fantasy Incest

So I've been playing Final Fantasy Dimensions on my iPhone, and while strolling around the Lux town I spoke to an NPC who was most definitely deserving of a screenshot.

Incest aside, FFD is worth checking out, it's cheap, it's long, and Dimensions was crafted by the same team who made The After Years, the sequel to FF4.

The Last Of Us: Left Behind Review

Left Behind is the first DLC released for The Last of Us, and it shows us what Ellie was up to when Joel was recovering from his pipe-impalement, and it also tells us a little bit about who Ellie was before she met Joel. When the game is in the present, you'll run around collecting medical supplies for wounded Joel, killing humans and clickers, but you'll also be living through flashbacks of Ellie exploring a mall with her old friend Riley. A majority of the action takes place in the present, with Ellie alone searching for supplies, but despite the shootouts, Left Behind feels quiet, a slower, more peaceful post-apocalyptic experience than what The Last of Us generally offered.

The flashbacks are the best part about this DLC, as the player you really feel like you're a part of one of the happier memories that Ellie possesses. The mall adventure is one of the few times that Ellie has ever experienced being a teenager, and it's fun to play through it. Powering up an old carousel, having a windshield breaking contest, and digging through an old Halloween shop are fun because Ellie is having fun. You get to relax a little, and breathe while learning just a little more about the girl that I felt such a father/daughter connection to back when I was controlling Joel.

It's hard to talk about Left Behind without spoiling things, but I'll finish by simply applauding Naughty Dog for making such a quality side story that I wasn't sure I even wanted. If you asked me a couple weeks ago what sort of DLC I would like, I would have answered, "anything with Joel", but Left Behind is wonderful, and when it comes to which character is the most interesting, I stand corrected.

Fishing For A Sword

Im playing through Dark Cloud again for a couple reasons. I've only beaten the game once, and that was a long time ago, I think I was 13 at the time. Also, 13 years ago when I played this RPG, I didn't do everything, like getting ultimate weapons and defeating the optional tower dungeon. I consider Dark Cloud to be one of my favorite games, certainly among my favorite PS2 adventures, and now that I am an older father, I've been feeling this urge to re-experience some of my childhood games with my grown-up brain. 

There is a sword in Dark Cloud that you can only obtain by fishing, and the sword is a spectacular weapon to upgrade to other weapons with. Your weapons in Dark Cloud are constantly growing and changing, meaning that the sword you start to build with is just as important as the final product 40+ hours later. Having a starting sword with great stats is the most valuable item you can obtain, making the Mardan Twei the best weapon in the game.

Here's how you get it. You must first catch the rarest fish in the game, the Mardan Garayan. So, buy poisonous apples to use as bait, (the only kind that works with Garayans) and head to Matataki Village's waterfall pond. Catch this fucker after hours of frustration, and that will unlock a sword called the Mardan Eins on the list of items you can buy with Fishing Points. You still need 2500 Fishing Points to buy it, and the rarest fish only gives you 175-200 points. So......keep fishing.

After catching fish after fish, bankrupting yourself on expensive bait, trade in your 2500 FP for the sword, then head to a dungeon and start building it. Everytime your sword levels up, add the correct materia to it until it becomes the Mardan Twei. This isn't the most frustrating ultimate weapon that I have ever suffered for, (the 2nd Zodiac Spear comes to mind) but the Dark Cloud UW pisses me off because the method for obtaining this sword is so vaguely explained to the player. By the time you figure out how the fishing system works, you're several towns deep, forcing you to stop and grind for the sword instead of gradually working your way towards it through the course of the entire game. I got it though, so, mission accomplished.