Modern Nerd Cartoons

We all know that the 90's were the greatest decade for nerdtoons, but you don't always have to look back 20 years to find a great animated geek show. Here are 5 cartoons from just the last 10 years that you can watch with your kids and still feel hip.

5: Teen Titans

Marvel may make the better movies, but DC dominates the comic book cartoon medium. Teen Titans was a fresh take on my favorite superhero team, done in an anime style. The show is funny, extremely well voice acted, and action packed. The show also gave underrated villains like Lobo and Deathstroke a great 2nd impression. Teen Titans also has one hell of a catchy theme song, available in English and Japanese!

4: The Clone Wars

So remember how the prequels sucked and they ruined your life? Well, the animated adaptation of the infamous Clone Wars is fucking brilliant. You get to see Jedi's actually using their brains to solve problems and the action is believable for once. 

3: Batman Beyond

Yes, two DC shows on the list, but if you've ever seen Batman Beyond, then you know why. The show has a silly premise, it's Gotham City 60 years from now, all high tech and futuristic, and Bruce Wayne, (now an old man) trains a young teenager named Terry McGinnis to be the new Batman. What makes this show so spectacular is the attention to detail and the dark exploration of hypothetical ideas. What if Superman was a brutal vigilante in the future? What if The Riddler and The Scarecrow had children who became evil best friends? The show is dark, riveting, and supremely compelling. Also, the Batman Beyond movie, Return of The Joker, is in my opinion, the greatest animated superhero movie ever made.

2: Adventure Time

This show is made for those who live in the nostalgic nerd past. With a video game or dungeons and dragons reference in every single episode, Adventure Time is a giggle fest based on all the different influences of geek culture. This show has a bizarre but intelligent sense of humor, and two main characters you can really relate too if you love elves, lasers, and Nintendo. This show is made by nerds, for nerds, and Jake the Dog is voiced by my favorite voice actor John Dimaggio! Adventure Time is already a classic that will be playing in my house for the rest of my life. 

1: Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra

Avatar The Last Airbender ran for 3 seasons. In that short amount of time, the creators of this masterpiece were able to craft one of the most beautiful stories ever told, cartoon or not. This series has a soul, and every single character absolutely drips with intrigue. The choreography, the sound design, the story itself, the voice acting, the dramatic moments and the comedic moments are all absolutely perfect. And after all of that extreme wonderfulness, they follow up with a spinoff series that rivals the greatness of the first with The Legend of Korra. My son will watch this with me when he gets just a little older, and he will know what true animated art is. If you haven't seen Avatar yet, do yourself a favor, your heart will forever thank you for it.

Review: Sakura Samurai

I've been very happy with my 3ds so far, and I have been trying to stockpile some games from the Virtual Console onto the system. I downloaded the original Zelda and replayed it again for some nostalgic giggles, but sometimes you get sick of retro shit and just want something new. So, at 7.99$, Sakura Samurai looked interesting and original, so I bought it on a whim without reading anything about it.

What I got was a wonderfully unique tactical swordfighter that really mimics the animes that got me interested in the entire samurai thing to begin with. Every fight is slow, with pattern memorization and precise striking required to dispatch your enemies. Every opponent can kill you quickly, so instead of absent-minded button mashing you have to focus, waiting to counter after a perfect block. Learning patterns, precision blocks and strikes, it takes a lot of skill to get good at this game.

Needless to say, I die a lot, and the game makes up for this by showering you with cash. Here's how it works; Whenever you die, your Kappa master appears on screen and points to a level that you have already completed. If you re-visit this level, you will find that every enemy now drops 5x the gold that they would normally give up. The sword upgrades and health items are extremely expensive in each new town that you go to, making frequent deaths actually A SMART FUCKING STRATEGY. Isn't that dumb?

Other than that small gripe, I really love this game. It looks good in 3d, (don't let my poopy screenshots fool you), and Sakura Samurai really is unique, a smart fighter with some incredibly challenging boss battles and a mini game system that is both relaxing, and massively rewarding. It's worth every penny of it's small price tag. What a great find.

Why I am no longer a Final Fantasy fan

My FF collection

My first exposure to Final Fantasy was on the Super Nintendo with 4. It was the first game that really blew my mind. I had conquered Mario and Zelda by this point, but Final Fantasy 4 gave me something that I had never really associated with video games before, a story. It was incredible, and even at such a young age, I grinded levels, built my party, and eventually beat Golbez on the moon. FF4 was always my answer to the favorite game question for years to come.

Square really had me by the balls as a teenager. Final Fantasy 7 changed what video games are, and the standard they are held too, and Final Fantasy 8 completely changed what can be accomplished musically. I fondly remember beating FF9 and devouring 10's religious based story. I wasted hundreds and hundreds of dollars on FF11, and even 12 was damn good. It really seemed as if Square couldn't fuck up their signature franchise, then of course, they did.

The Final Fantasy series has always cranked out disappointments, but they were never the signature installments, the core games were always great. But games like Crystal Chronicles, Chocobo's Dungeon, Dissidia, Revenant Wings, and Mystic Quest were all donkey shit, and the product milking was always bearable, because the actually numerical installments of Final Fantasy were always good. Until 13.

After the success of Kingdom Hearts and it's vague, friendship feelgood story, Tetsuya Nomura took over the Final Fantasy directing job after 12. What he wrote for us, was absolute garbage. Instead of morally ambiguous politics like in 12, we got teen angst. Instead of the religious power abuse we got in 10, he gave us a convoluted race relations snore story. We got a linear path to a vague story, complete with probably the worst dialogue I've ever seen in a big budget RPG. Also, NO TOWNS IN A FUCKING 80 HOUR ROLE PLAYING GAME.

Exactly where this shitty game is from

So if Square just made one bad game out of 14, then why do I want out so bad? It's the same reason Cubs fans leave their beloved team after years of devotion, the company simply doesn't care about quality anymore. I guess it was bound to happen, but Square really has devoted itself to making money, and money alone. Games get direct sequels now, anime spinoffs, major motion pictures, and formulaic, cookie cutter characters that have proven their worth by being popular in other games. Its artistic laziness, and its sad, because I do really believe that Square has, in the past, told some of the most interesting, unique, and exciting stories in video games. They made me cry before. And now, its a Disney Channel tween show, complete with every single anime cliche you can think of.

Should Square re-make 7? I don't think so, but honestly, I've stopped caring. If Square wants to enjoy the return of their hardcore fans, then stop making sequels, stop re-treading over the old stuff, and really pour your hearts and souls into making 15 the juggernaut of story telling that we used to think Final Fantasy was. However, they won't do that, and with western RPG companies like Bethesda, Bioware, Lionhead, 2K, and competing Japanese RPG companies like the always innovative Atlus, there really isn't any need to pay attention to Square anymore. Thanks for the childhood memories guys, but I'm moving on.

Game Dad: Thane Krios

First off, it has to be said, that Thane Krios is in actuality, a terrible father. If asked about it, Thane will spit a few paragraphs explaining why, but to sum it up, he abandoned his wife and baby son because he was too good of an assassin (really?). So, this is about how bad of a dad Thane is.

So Thane did the douchebag move that Superman and Andrew Ryan did when they learned that they were fathers. Leave. Thane uses the argument that he "didn't want my son to be lured down the same path I was", but it's a cop-out, and finally his guilt builds up inside and he intervenes in his son's life by throwing him in jail to save his life. Way to go dad!

Thane has Drell cancer, and is dying. He uses this to constantly get whatever his selfish heart wants, femshep in bed, or conning his son into forgiving him. For such a progressive sci-fi franchise, Mass Effect sure made some bad space assassins. Ride the bench Thane!

500 Pageviews!? Random top 5 list!

So, I love lists. Here's one that's personal to me, my top 5 favorite Pokemon and the reasons behind the choices in reverse order!!

5.Pikachu
He simply has to be on every true pokemaniac's list because he is the mascot who made everything possible. Without Pikachu, we wouldn't still have the franchise almost 15 years later.

4.Dugtrio
I tend to love and appreciate the pokemon that I can remember kicking a lot of ass with. In the orginal red/blue, you could catch a lvl 30 Dugtrio outside of Vermilion City. Thats a lvl 30 ground type being used at a lvl 22-28 lightning gym. I fucked up everybody AND got to escape from dungeons for free.

3.Magnezone
I've always preferred a rock and lightning heavy squad, and in the days Magneton was my go to electric type. Even over Zapdos! And now that the new generations gave him a third evolution, it's rare that he isn't present on my roster. He even learns Steel moves!

2.Porygon-Z
He is the pinnacle of technology! The precious child of science! The accomplishment of geniuses! I love science, and I love porygonZ.

1.Geodude
He is tattoed on my arm. He is the 1st choice of my favorite gym leader. He is also, the very first pokemon I ever caught on my own. I evolved him twice, and he never left my squad, even after he, as Golem, single handedly beat Agatha of the Elite four. Geodude reminds me of childhood, and will forever be, my rock.

Election Day Celebration: Random Political Games!

I love taking pictures of my stuff.

So, Obama got elected last night, and I've been celebrating all morning. However, instead of me posting about how I am so excited that we are getting four more years of compassion, patience, and sympathy the nobel prize winning captain of peace Obama is going to give us, I decided to go vanilla and non-threatening with a mention of a few of my favorite political/patriotic games. In reverse order of course. Fuck you Nixon!

5. Red Faction Guerilla

My boy Mason goes to Mars, only to have his brother murdered by a genocidic, slave trafficking, concentration camp runnin Mars rock mining company. It seems a little Soviet at some points, but overall a nice poor murdering the rich story. Fuck the corporations!

4. Streets of Rage

The text that scrolls as the game starts: "As the chaos continued at full strength, three young police officers tried to establish a special attack unit. They were repeatedly turned down by their superiors, most of whom had been bought by the organization or were too afraid to make a stand. One day, when they could no longer stand by and watch their city being demolished, they quit the force!'

"Adam Hunter, Axel Stone and Blaze Fielding decided to forgo their careers in legal law enforcement and put their lives on the line. They are without weapons, but each possesses great hand-to-hand combat abilities. Take them into the heart of the city and battle the most dangerous wave of bad dudes and chicks ever assembled. Make the city a place where people no longer have to walk the Streets of Rage!" Fuck you crime!

3. Final Fantasy 12

Unlike most of my fellow nerdies, I loved FF12. Truly the last good Final Fantasy, 12 pulled the persepective back and told a rich, engagin political narrative where you truly felt a sense of accomplishment when your team actually ends up changing things. Fuck you England!

2. Suikoden 3

Easily in my top 5 RPG's, Suikoden 3 is probably one of the best political dramas you could ever experience. Beautifully told, extremely well written, and just silly enough to get through all the child death, it's a masterpiece. Fuck you God!

1. Bioshock

The best example of why video games are art, and in my opinion, the game that truly started the next gen for gaming, Bioshock was one hell of a politcally charged story. And with Infinite coming out with a world based on American Capitalism, it's only going to get better. Fuck you dad!

Yay four more for Obama, and yay for political video games. Some may notice that a favorite series of mine, Metal Gear didn't make the list, but I have my own personal, depressing reasons and I ask that you respect them. 

How To Be A Great Dwarven Dad

I admire the dwarven culture, I always have. Everytime I play D&D, I'm a dwarf, in Dragon Age, I was a dwarf, Amalur, Baldur's Gate, and in pretty much every game I played that had an option to be a dwarf, I was a dwarf. (Why Skyrim would leave out dwarves entirely is a mystery to me you racist fucks). One of the many reasons that I fawn over dwarves so much is their approach to parenthood, particularly, dads.

Being a dwarven father is serious, and unlike other fantasy races, dwarves don't prefer to have boys. Regardless of the gender of your baby, they more than likely have centuries upon millennia of direct ancestors to live up to. Dwarves typically live 500 years, which means that if you're a kid, your grandfather's great-great-great grandfather is probably still alive. Dwarf dads are just one of the father figures in a young dwarf's life, but most definately the most important one.

So, if you're a dwarf and you have a kid, here are a few things you're sure to teach him.
1. The difference between mead and grog.
2. Why goblins and orcs are an enemy to the dwarven community
3. How to get the woman with the sexiest beard
4. Smithin, forgin, temperin, synthesizin, alterin, constructin, sword makin, hammerin.....
5. Why elves and magic are what pussies find interesting.

I want to be a great dwarf dad for my son, which is why I grow my beard as intensely as I do. The dwarven beard is long enough to have thick war braids, and to lose your beard is a disgrace and a source of much shame. My son will admire his father's dwarven beard, and will strive to grow a beard of his own while he learns the secrets of the mountain.

Dwarves are my favorite of the medieval fantasy races. I love the way they fight, and the way they raise their children. I always related to the dwarven stories ever since I was a kid because there is a sense of community between dwarves like no other group. Hopefully, my son won't fall into the elf loving trap that everyone else seems to fall into, and appreciate the real heroes, the real warriors, the dwarves.