How To Be A Great Dwarven Dad

I admire the dwarven culture, I always have. Everytime I play D&D, I'm a dwarf, in Dragon Age, I was a dwarf, Amalur, Baldur's Gate, and in pretty much every game I played that had an option to be a dwarf, I was a dwarf. (Why Skyrim would leave out dwarves entirely is a mystery to me you racist fucks). One of the many reasons that I fawn over dwarves so much is their approach to parenthood, particularly, dads.

Being a dwarven father is serious, and unlike other fantasy races, dwarves don't prefer to have boys. Regardless of the gender of your baby, they more than likely have centuries upon millennia of direct ancestors to live up to. Dwarves typically live 500 years, which means that if you're a kid, your grandfather's great-great-great grandfather is probably still alive. Dwarf dads are just one of the father figures in a young dwarf's life, but most definately the most important one.

So, if you're a dwarf and you have a kid, here are a few things you're sure to teach him.
1. The difference between mead and grog.
2. Why goblins and orcs are an enemy to the dwarven community
3. How to get the woman with the sexiest beard
4. Smithin, forgin, temperin, synthesizin, alterin, constructin, sword makin, hammerin.....
5. Why elves and magic are what pussies find interesting.

I want to be a great dwarf dad for my son, which is why I grow my beard as intensely as I do. The dwarven beard is long enough to have thick war braids, and to lose your beard is a disgrace and a source of much shame. My son will admire his father's dwarven beard, and will strive to grow a beard of his own while he learns the secrets of the mountain.

Dwarves are my favorite of the medieval fantasy races. I love the way they fight, and the way they raise their children. I always related to the dwarven stories ever since I was a kid because there is a sense of community between dwarves like no other group. Hopefully, my son won't fall into the elf loving trap that everyone else seems to fall into, and appreciate the real heroes, the real warriors, the dwarves.