10. Bobby Jindal
Bobby Jindal is a weird republican. He is currently governor of Louisiana, his parents are Indian immigrants, he converted to Catholicism from Hinduism and he has a thick Swamp People southern accent. Aside from being a weird motherfucker, Bobby opposes abortion, same sex marriage and FLAG BURNING. Thats an issue? How? However, Bobby knows who's pocket he's in, so he is fighting hard for gun rights. Don't you love it when republicans argue that gun rights are protected by the constitution, but then try to ban abortion and free speech, WHICH IS ALSO PROTECTED BY THE CONSTITUTION. Oh yeah, #1 weirdest thing about Mr. Jindal, his real name is Piyush, he changed it to Bobby to make it to a political office. Bravo.
Best Quote:
9. Donald Trump
Now, Trump is in fact, fucking insane, but he is only technically a republican. Michelle Bachmann wanted him as her vice president candidate, which would make one assume he's super GOP, but he has been on record, several times blasting George W. Now, before you applaud the man with the beautiful cotton-candy-made-of-piss hair, remember, this is the man who still, to this day claims that Obama is a muslim and not an american citizen.
Best Quote: "A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate."
8. John McCain
I almost legitimately like John McCain, and not in a sarcastic way. He flips fellow senators off, and routinely uses profanity to express his anger. What's not to like? Oh yeah, the surge in Afghanistan was his baby, he opposes Barrack on every issue simply because the president's name is on it, reamed his former colleague Chuck Hagel when Chuck raised reasonable doubts about entering unnecessary war, and he hates Mexicans. John McCain was a prisoner of war at one point where his balls got fish hooked, he deserves respect for his service, but political office was a really, really bad idea.
Best Quote:
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/johnmccain/youtube/mccainjerk.htm
7. Marco Rubio
Before his 2013 Watergate, I was seriously afraid of this man. He had that slick, "it isn't obvious I'm evil" republican attitude about him. His speeches are deceptively calm and reasonable, getting you to subliminally agree with him while omitting that he wants to raise the retirement age, get rid of property taxes entirely, and while publicly stating that he supports the Violence Against Women Act, he secretly voted against it. He's pro-life (I hate calling it that), pro-guns, pro- patriot act wire taps and called Obama's administration a bunch of "radical islamic terrorists". Before he became a laughing stock, this gentleman was one scary douche. Oh yeah, that middle class neighborhood he screamed that he was from? He sold that house to move into a gated white community in DC.
Best Quote: "I love what Barack Obama's candidacy says about America. I just fear what his candidacy would do to America," he said. "To leave our children with a centrally planned socialist economy is not a better plan."
6. Michelle Bachmann
The highest ranking female member of the Tea Party Movement, and Minnesota Congresswoman, Michelle is also an Evangelical Lutheran, (a sect of Christianity near and dear to my atheist heart), although she removed herself from the church two weeks before running for president. In her college years, she prayed and assaulted citizens outside of abortion clinics, and has been screaming at the top of her lungs that global warming is a fairy tale. She also publicly stated that she believes Hillary Clinton is a member of the Muslim Brotherhood. Michelle is also a supporter of teaching Creationism to our children alongside Evolution, stating the ridiculous sentence, "there is a controversy among scientists about whether evolution is a fact or not.... There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design."
Michelle and her church believe that the pope is the anti-christ, so hey, we agree on something.
Best quote: "Public schools would have to teach that homosexuality and same-sex marriage are normal, natural and that maybe children should try them."
5. Lindsey Graham
Senator Graham from South Carolina is the only politician currently in office who has been given a 0% rating by The Human Rights Campaign. Why? Well, he believes in absolutely no rights whatsoever for any enemy combatant we capture and he also believes, get ready for it, that we should amend the constitution to make the children of illegal immigrants that are born here, also considered illegal immigrants. He wants to deport children born in this country! What. The. Fuck. Also, he originally supported a climate change bill alongside John Kerry, but withdrew his support when Kerry and Obama refused to endorse the cruel Arizona immigration laws. He opposes same sex marriage, and same sex adoption, signing laws that ban both.
Best quote: "When they say, ‘I want my lawyer,’ you tell them: ‘Shut up. You don’t get a lawyer. You are an enemy combatant, and we are going to talk to you about why you joined Al Qaeda.’"
4. Charlton Heston
Although he did star in one of my favorite movies, Heston is a douchebag for showing up to do an NRA rally in Littleton Colorado after the Columbine massacre despite pleas from grieving families not to appear. He calls out hispanics and blacks for waging a war on white people, and although he defends free speech regardless of what is being said, he spearheaded Time Warner's banning of Ice T's classic album Cop Killer. Another gun toting white racist afraid of the all scary black man.
Best quote: "... Now his positions track the N.R.A.'s. Trigger locks? "A ludicrous invention. If you can't put it on a weapon without taking the bullets out, why put it on?" A five-day waiting period? "It's hard for me to accept that a guy says, 'I'm going to kill that s.o.b., but, darn, I have this five-day waiting period.' He probably still wants to kill him after five days." Ban Saturday-night specials? "The black and Hispanic women who clean office buildings until 3 a.m. and then walk home – of course, they want a handgun in their purse." Limit purchases to one gun a month? "It's the camel's nose in the tent. Look at Stalin, Mussolini, Hitler, Mao Zedong, Pol Pot, Idi Amin – every one of these monsters, on seizing power, their first act was to confiscate all firearms in private hands. ..."
3. Ann Coulter
Ann Coulter is usually every liberal's favorite punching bag, but I hesitate to to get angry, seeing how that's exactly how she makes her money. With books like, "If liberals had any brains they'd be republicans", and "How to talk to a liberal", Ann relishes in stirring up the pot, and seriously enjoys being controversial. This makes her a bitch without morals, and her motivations also make her beliefs suspect. Ann lives to make us upset, so it's easy to laugh her off, but what makes that impossible sometimes are her blatantly racist and homophobic statements that she just loves chuckling on national television. I hope you enjoy this clip as much as I did.
Best quote: "The gays have got to be pro-life," and "As soon as they find the gay gene, guess who the liberal yuppies are gonna start aborting?"
2. Dubya
Now, we all know that George is the king of dumb quotes, but what makes him one of my favorites is how consistently he shocks me. From his outright opposition to gay marriage, his profiting from war, his pardoning of child molesters to his personal responsibility for the deaths of thousands of american soldiers he sent to die based on a lie, George Bush is indeed the real life manifestation of Darth Vader. Unlike most of my libby friends, I do not believe that Bush orchestrated the 9/11 attacks, but I do believe he pounced on the opportunity to construct the great Iraq lie to get support for his war. Fuck you George, I will miss you dearly.
Best quote: "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
1. Herman Cain
This blog is called Poke'dad, which means that I am a pokemon fanatic. Herman Cain quoted the Pokemon Movie 2000 in a campaign speech. Thats what got my attention in the first place, and boy was I showered with beautiful republican bullshit afterwards. After being accused of sexual harassment by dozens of women, Herman defended himself by saying, "I value my character and my integrity more than anything else. And for every one person that comes forward with a false accusation, there are probably, there are thousands who would say none of that sort of activity ever came from Herman Cain.” He talks about himself in the 3rd person, and defends his sexual harassment of women by using ratios! So of course, I was devastated when intelligent people stopped supporting him and he lost the GOP nomination. I was even sadder upon hearing that he would not, in fact, be running for Georgia senator. However, he has just been hired as Fox new's newest correspondent. Yay! I leave you with, what possibly is, the greatest political quote of our generation. Enjoy.
I agree with your top ten not necessarily the order, I view Bush as the worst of them all and would have found a place for Dick Chaney. How were you able to narrow it down to just ten? That had to be a hard decision since there literally dozens.
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