Zealot: Review

Being an atheist is so much fun. It's especially enjoyable if you happen to be an atheist and a history nerd. It's even more sublime if you happen to be an atheist and a religious history nerd. You get to learn so much without a religious bias directing your attention, or disavowing things you discover. I love biblical times, reading all I can, learning about the beginnings of our modern civilization. You see, Christians think Jesus is amazing because he is a super-being, the son of a bigger super-being, but I don't think there is anything supernatural about him at all. Which is why I find it even more amazing that this ordinary man was able to start such a massive, globe altering religious movement. 

The problem is that I want to learn about Jesus. Not Jesus the Christ, but Jesus of Nazareth. I've always been interested in learning about the man, not the stories about his vigilante messiah deeds, but the actual happenings of the actual man. A book that details just the historical Jesus without entering the tall tales of the bible is a tough thing to find, which is why I loved Zealot so much.

First, the author, Reza Aslan is not an atheist. He is a Christian, who has endeavored to write about the Jesus that you can only find through historical documentation, relying little on the bible's shoddy record keeping. The Jesus you learn about in Zealot is the true portrait of the man, a man who, despite the popular 21st century interpretation, was actually quite the violent religious fanatic. Jesus had brothers and sisters, biological ones (I was a little startled to learn just how many). This is the man I've always wanted to learn about, the plain, unremarkable person who has so changed every aspect of future generations. If you are at all fascinated by history, and would like to learn about the strictly historical Jesus from one hell of a scholar, then buy this, it's worth every penny.

The Last of Us: Advice

It certainly has a lot of bells and fancy whistles dangling from it's fanny pack, but deep down The Last of Us is a resource management game. I went into the game completely blind, and while The Last of Us is amazing in almost every way, here's a couple of tips that I wish I knew before diving in.

1: Make Shivs a Priority

Do you remember how power nodes worked in Dead Space? It's the exact same system in The Last of Us. Shivs are super useful, they make a beautifully silent stealth takedown, and they can save you from a Clicker's insta-kill. However, parts to make a shiv become harder to find, especially later on, and you need a spare to open hidden treasure rooms. I missed two shiv rooms in a row because I decided to make nail bombs instead, having no idea how hard it would be towards the end to find the needed parts. 

2: Respect Your Flamethrower

You receive the flamethrower fairly early, but that is not an excuse to use it. The flamethrower is the most powerful gun you'll receive for the entire game, and it eats ammo quickly. Save it for Bloaters only, and when you squeeze the trigger, don't miss.

3: You're Stronger Than The Game Wants You To Think You Are

Although similar in many ways, The Last of Us is different than all other survival horror games in one huge way, you're quite capable of killing everything. Other than Clickers, there really isn't anything The Last of Us can throw at you that should make you nervous. Yes, the cutscene before this giant 1 vs 40 was intense, but if you calm down, and start looking around for patterns, you'll do fine. The Last of Us is very good at making you feel overwhelmed, but with a couple upgraded weapons and a nail bomb, you'll do just fine.

4: Hatchet 

Drop the leadpipe, the crowbar, the 2x4, the machete, and pick up the hatchet. It has five durability bars, and if a bad guy gets close, Joel will bury this beautiful melee weapon right into their clavicle. It saves ammo, kills quick, and lasts forever. Use it.

600 Degrees Fahrenheit?

If you were reading this blog during the last big release, then you'll remember that my favorite thing about Pokemon are the NPCs. Hilarious, sexually suggesting, and always poorly translated, I've got a couple from Y to share with you. Start with this guy above, in all pink, in a bar, saying that.

This Professor Augustine Sycamore, a shitty Oak substitute who decides to invite a bunch of children into his office for some useful life advice.

Also, something entirely unrelated, just take a look at Pansear's Y Pokedex entry;

This Pokémon lives in caves in volcanoes. The fire within the tuft on its head can reach 600°F.

600 degrees? I'm no scientist, (pretty close though), but I'm going to call bullshit on that one. 

Pokemon Y: Hour One

Pokemon Y arrived in the mail yesterday, and although I haven't had much time with it, I am in love with what I've seen so far. True, it isn't actually in 3D, which was kind of what we were lead to believe, but you can run diagonal! I guess you could also complain a little about how similar to every other title it is, with the same three type choices to start, the same mix of Bidoof/Pidgey/Normal Type/Bird Type in the first grass patch, and another starter tutorial forest to yawn through. However, there is one improvement that makes all of these little disappointments totally okay, YOU GAIN EXPERIENCE EVEN WHEN YOU CAPTURE A POKEMON. You read that right, it's like Nintendo wanted to reward us trainers with the sweetest gift of all, exp.

Pikachu is in the bore-forest, and is pretty hard to find. All of the npc's swear he's in there though, so keep looking. Pikachu is a good addition to a starting team, but what the fuck is this Play Nice bullshit? Where's my Quick Attack?

I picked Fennekin, but only because I really couldn't decide and I let Steph pick. I also got a special Torchick with mystery gift so I have DOUBLE FIRE. What could go wrong?

I'm having a great time, but I will admit that it isn't exactly what they promised. A lot of new improvements are there though, and before you get too mad, just remember, Pokemon used to look like this. Remember?

My Favorite Presidents

I have the "Greatest President Ever" conversation almost daily, and I love to hear what leaders my fellow Americans admire. I also like to keep a little tally in my head, keeping track of the names I hear most often. When asked who their favorite president is, I hear Clinton the most, Reagan frequently, and I even got a Nixon yesterday. Nixon! I took some time and narrowed my personal list to five, and while I respect every man who holds our highest office, these are five men who I truly look up to. I can't wait to teach my son all about them.

#5: LBJ

Lyndon's passage of the Civil Rights Act alone puts him on this list, but he also put into law the Voting Rights Act, The Elementary and Secondary Education act, the Higher Education Act, and his big Great Society Package, which founded Head Start, food stamps, medicare, and medicaid. He wrote the Economic Opportunity Act. He also wrote the biggest gun bill in federal history, The Gun Control Act of 1968. Johnson was the first liberal to really use the power of the presidency to drive home that strong Democratic belief that the government should strive to improve the quality of life for it's citizens. 24% of Americans lived at or below the poverty line when LBJ took office. It was 12% when he left. Our lives are all better, and a little more secure because of LBJ.

#4: IKE

Eisenhower is the lone Republican in my top five, but honestly, it wasn't the same party back then. Dwight gets my applause because unlike most liberals, I believe we do have a responsibility to protect and safeguard those countries that can't stand up for themselves. Ike really personified this. Dwight Eisenhower ended the war between China and Korea. He forced England, France and Israel to cease their invasion of Egypt. He made it a US policy to defend Taiwan. He stopped Lebanon from becoming a communist country. Eisenhower achieved all of this positive foreign change through diplomacy, not armed conflict. Yes, Ike did build a crazy amount of nukes, but he lamented this on his way out, warning future presidents about the dangers of massive military spending. He signed desegregation legislation for public schools, and civil rights voter protection. He also gave us our super-useful Interstate Highway System, kind of a big deal.

#3: Jimmy Carter

Jimmy Carter added two brand new cabinets-level departments, the Department of Energy, and the Department of Education. He's the reason we have price-controlled energy. He gave Panama their canal back. Before Carter, there was no option for life without parole for a capital crime conviction. He heads Habitat for Humanity (to this day) and won the Nobel Peace Prize for his humanitarianism. Also, do you like craft beer? Carter made that legal too.

#2: Bill Clinton

I was born in 87. Growing up, I remember always liking Clinton, but it wasn't until college that I started feeling inspired by him. What Bill managed to accomplish sandwiched between two Republican warhawk administrations is remarkable. I have lots and lots of philosophical reasons that I like Bill, and many moral/ethical reasons too, but I've found that listing the legislation that has had the most positive effect on America is argument enough.

The North American Free Trade Agreement, Welfare Reform, Family and Medical Leave Act, The Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act, he expanded the Earned Income Tax Credit, State Children's Health Insurance, Adoption and Safe Families Act, and The Foster Care Independence Act. 

His changes to how our poor are treated by their own government is what I like most about Bill. 

#1: Barack Obama

Barack Obama is, in my opinion, the greatest leader the free world has ever known. American politics are my greatest interest, and I have yet to come across another leader with as much empathy as Obama. Forty-seven million Americans live at or below the poverty line, and all are one medical bill away from losing everything. Barack knows that this isn't sustainable, and that striving to improve the lives of your citizens is not an example of "entitlement", but of love. He has mixed kindness with governance, and I am enthusiastic about the legacy he will leave behind. When my son enters his early school years, I can't wait to toss aside those slave owning rapist founding fathers, and show him five examples of real American role models.

First Things First

I finally got my hands on The Last of Us, and I'm excited to play what IGN and Gametrailers gave perfect scores to. What's an early sign that a game is going to be good? An epileptic seizure warning before the game starts. Awesome.

Grand Theft Auto 5: Review

Big video game franchises seem to have so much trouble pleasing their fan bases these days. So many games that I used to have exuberant zeal for have lost me over the years. Zelda, Final Fantasy, Resident Evil, Silent Hill, they lost my money because of stubbornness. Zelda is always the same, Final Fantasy is a Kingdom Hearts G-rated circus, Resident Evil won't embrace a life after 4, and Silent Hill can't seem to find the next step that needs to be taken. All of these examples are game franchises that found a way to make money, then milked that formula to death. GTA almost fell victim to that. Almost.

GTA had a formula that regular players were starting to become aware of. You start with friends, make money with friends, then get betrayed by those friends. GTA3 had the Columbian gf, Vice City had Lance, San Andreas had Big Smoke, and 4 had everymotherfuckingbody. The difference with 5 is that, if you play your cards right, nobody betrays you, and you don't betray them. The entire game is one big loyalty test. You know immediately that the FIB will kill you as soon as you're done running errands for them, so you need to be ready. You know that the corrupt Whole Foods politician is going frame you, so you work as a team to turn the tables on him. The lovely change in GTA5 is that your core team will never turn on you, and as a team you work together to preemptively screw those who intend to screw you.

I wish there were more heists in the game. There are a total of 6, and it just isn't enough. I wanted a crew I could build long term, leveling and recruiting. The heists are so much fun, that I hope Rockstar acknowledges their accomplishment here and uses it in the future. The ending to GTA5 is so satisfying, finishing everything with your buddies, a much more positive feeling than when Big Smoke screws you over at the end of SA. 

HEIST DLC PLEASE!!!!

Bad Hotel

My never-ending quest to end iphone game hatred continues with Bad Hotel. Part tower defense, part music game, Bad Hotel is .99$ worth spending. You build your hotel as high as you can, installing guns and other defenses as bomb-shitting birds try to knock the tower down. 

Every piece you add to the tower adds a sound effect to the background song. As you can imagine, some levels have so many hotel floors that the music becomes insane. It's a lot of fun, and the anti-capitalist jokes are a unique little addition.

Bad Hotel sounds good, looks good, plays well, and has a very adult sense of humor. Get it, and stop hating on ios gaming. There are some really amazing experiments happening on the iphone, and their low price makes ios a legitimate gaming platform.

Something I Noticed...

Pokemon X/Y is finally out, which means the old generation really is over. It's change we need and have been demanding for years, but I do feel a little sadness as we roll into the new Pokemon era. With this nostalgia in mind, I watched three episodes of the good ol' Pokemon show today, and I noticed something dark. All three episodes I watched, had a scene where Ash gets a loaded gun pointed at him.

I have been arguing for a long time that Ash has shitty parents. His father was mentioned once and never again, and his mother seems perfectly content with letting him continent hop alone, even surviving Team Rocket's murder attempt every day. How would you react to your 13 year old being held up by 4 rifle toting adults? Ash's mother shrugs her shoulders, says something about Gary being steps ahead, then goes back to the moscato.

Ash makes a lot of dumb choices, (Butterfree for a Raticate?) but keep things in perspective. He has a 6th grade education and has had hundreds of near death experiences due to a fatal lack of parenting. 

Skeptical, not Cynical

I have always been skeptical. I attribute this to my overly religious mother and her terrible parenting. Growing up in a christian family gives you a sort of 6th sense for bullshit, what with christmas (I refuse to capitalize that) being a zombie's birthday, or talking to the sky, or even the widely believed concept of an omnipresent space magician controlling my destiny. I grew up questioning these grand claims, wondering if anybody had bothered to do some beneficial fact checking. In school, I was smart, good grades, chess team, etc, but I had a problem with authority. Probably because I had none at home, I challenged my teachers to explain to me why we worship our founding fathers, or even later, how anyone could call quantum mechanics "math".

Skepticism is beautiful, a trait I look for and value in my friends. It can never do harm, it can never be a negative thing. If something doesn't sound right, look into it yourself, or challenge the presenter for a little proof. Skepticism is what science is founded upon, and what I task my son to practice each and every day. Asking questions and discovering answers to the contrary of what you've been told is a vital tool to figuring out the world around you, and preventing others from taking advantage of your naivety.

I do not like cynicism. 

When it comes to American politics, skepticism is almost mandatory for the average citizen, but being cynical about politicians certainly isn't. Just like blaming both sides when something goes awry, I find taking a cynical approach to be an easy way out. A way of excusing yourself from doing any real objective thinking, or actually finding out about someone running for office. The reason for my skepticism of cynics, is that I don't think I've ever actually met an evil person. Politicians who I disagree with, (most are republican) receive my grumbling, but I don't truly think any of them are bad people. I don't automatically assume that every politician is out for money, or personal fame. I don't automatically assume Congress won't pass something, or that our country is in the toilet, never to resurface. People are generally good, and while some leaders are truly corrupt, approaching the bunch as swindlers takes the entire purpose of government away.

There are lawmakers in this country who genuinely have an idea they are working towards that they truly believe will do good. Now, while I'm skeptical that your complaints about welfare are valid, I won't be some cynical jackass who just assumes every Republican is just as morose. Yes, John Boehner does not have your best interests at heart. Yes, the same can be said about Cruz, or Paul, or anyone else, but you can't use cynicism to automatically count out every aspirant just because you've been burned before. Our country is about hope, a grand dream and using Democracy to improve our collective quality of life. Cynicism violently strips that from us before we even try.

The Ocean at the End of the Lane

Grown-ups don't look like grown-ups on the inside either. Outside, they're big and thoughtless and they always know what they're doing. Inside, they look just like they always have. Like they did when they were your age. Truth is, there aren't any grown-ups. Not one, in the whole wide world.

I know you hipster/goths love Tim Burton, and he is probably king of the macabre childrens story, but I have always loved Neil Gaiman more. For starters, he's an incredible writer, but what makes Gaiman truly transcendent is his accurate grasp on what it means to be a child. Gaiman knows how kids think, and he takes childhood adventure and wraps it in a disturbing setting. The Ocean at the End of the Lane, is the best Gaiman book I have ever read, and when you look at books like Sandman, American Gods, Neverwhere, Coraline, and Signal to Noise, that's certainly saying something.

The Ocean at the End of the Lane is about a middle aged man returning to his childhood home in rural England to attend a funeral. While he is there, he journeys to the end of the lane to see the house where a little girl lived, a friend of his. Suddenly the memories he didn't know he had forgotten come rushing back, and all of the magic and terror of his relationship with her are remembered. 

Like all Gaiman books, it is filled with whimsy, Harry Potter esque childhood novelty and superb British humor. Also, like all Gaiman books, it gets dark. Very dark. That's what separates Neil's novels, they are children's stories, and they are scary. The Ocean at the End of the Lane scared the shit out of me, and not in a jump, "OH MY GOD DONT LOOK IN THE CLOSET!!!"" sorta way, but he scared me in a deeper, more intimate way. Gaiman makes you regret being an adult. He makes you yearn for the adventure of childhood. What fear he instills on you is death, and one you can't escape, because you're old. This book is absolutely amazing, and just dripping with all the things that makes Neil Gaiman such a great author.

If you do end up purchasing it, look for how he portrays women. One of the reasons I like Gaiman so much are the women he creates in all of his stories. The women in this book, (3 in particular), are so loving and happy, that you'll immediately be unimpressed with your own parents, as amazing as I'm sure they are.

The Republican Fantasyland

There's a safe way to conduct yourself during a political conversation, a stance that allows you to agree with both sides, and this tactic is in fact to blame both sides. What do you think about the government shutdown? The safe answer is that all of them should be fired. Do you agree more with Democrats or Republicans when it comes to our nation's budget? Again, say that they are both incompetent and you win the day. Who's more corrupt? You say, all of them are. It's a very libertarian approach, and one I admittedly used for quite a while. It makes you feel personally elevated above it all, as if you've figured out something that nobody else has. The problem with the "to hell with all of them" argument is that, well, it's wrong.

I do not blame both sides of our government for the shutdown. I blame republicans. I do not blame both sides for our national debt. I blame republicans. You see, when I was a kid, (born in 87, most think I still am a kid) I became politically aware during the Clinton years, noticing just how angry and spiteful a difference of political opinions could be. However, those are opinions, Republicans thought one thing, Dems another, but both seemed to be basing their opinions on the same set of facts. This is most definitely not the case anymore.

Ask a Republican what they think of Obama's financial skills. They'll first puke out something about our founding fathers, (you know, the slave owning rapists we all adore) and then make some point about how Obama spends too frivolously. Obama walked into the white house in 08 with the largest debt our nation has ever accumulated. Ever. That is not an opinion, that is a fact. That isn't some spin or idea I had, that's a number, a real one. It's the truth. Another fact? Obama has cut the national deficit in half. He has reduced spending, not increased, again, that's a fact.

I love to hear political opinions, and I always make sure to leave my own opinions open to change. I love being proved wrong, I love proving others wrong. I love having stalemate shouting matches over political ideals because it just shows me that both sides actually care about our wonderful country. I will not argue facts. I will not argue over something that isn't arguable. The Earth is billions of years old, global warming is melting glaciers, Miley Cyrus doesn't write her own music, and Obama has reduced spending. There are facts, and there are beliefs. My hero, Neil deGrasse Tyson, astrophysicist extraordinaire, said "facts are true whether you believe in them or not". I think that most certainly applies here.

So when you see these republican class-bigots spewing their "opinions" on tv, look closer. See how they are accusing Obama of refusing to negotiate? The facts say otherwise. When republicans call Obama a muslim, remember the fact that Barack is a member of the largest christian church in the third largest metropolitan city we've got. My favorite fact of this whole shutdown? That republicans run their campaigns on "American jobs, no more immigrants stealing our jobs, and no more jobs being sent overseas", but then proceed to furlough 800,000 Americans. Republicans, it is my opinion, that you are all full of shit.

GTA 5 Online

I somehow managed to play GTA5 online yesterday for about an hour before it crashed again. The launch of the online mode has completely sodomized Rockstar's servers, but there's some glitchy fun to be had as we wait for the patch. With all jobs and missions disabled, all of us who managed to connect didn't have much to do, except of course, shoot each other.

It's super fun, and I can only imagine how good it's going to be once it performs as it should. I robbed a corner store, then watched another player take the rap for it when the cops arrived. I unlocked a sawed off shotgun, and held my ground on top of a water tower, killing 8 before some maniac kamikazied a helicopter into my back. I also stabbed a player as he stood in a clothing store, texting.

So back to work for the weekend, and I'll try to get back online Monday, giving Rockstar some time to fix what is obviously a huge patch. Just real quick, did anyone else notice that John Marston is an option for your father in the create your character section? Look hard, it isn't easy to find.

Kalm

I love rpg's and I love rpg towns. I want to talk about my obsession with role playing npc communities, from Midgar to Adelhyde, all of my favorite rpg's have exactly one thing in common, great towns/villages/hubs/cities/. Vastly under appreciated, a good town can make all the difference, and the mid-numbered Final Fantasies certainly proved it. 

So the first installment in my video game towns idea will be Kalm, my favorite town from FF7. I know everyone remembers how industrial and steampunky 7 was, but do you remember just how German-industrial the main continent was? Kalm is directly design-inspired by old German villages, with insane roof angles and the staple of every post dark ages German village, a central town hub.

I love Kalm for so much more than it's architecture, it's the safe feeling the place has. For the first time since the game begins, you feel rested. You and your team crowd into the inn and talk about Cloud and the overall plan for the first time, learning about everyone and having a good laugh. It's all depression and death from here afterwards, but at least you got that good day and a half in a cozy little village that doesn't give one fuck about your metropolitan white people problems.

Something To Think About

As we hurdle into this completely unnecessary government shutdown, there is something I want to point out. Do you remember when Obama was elected? Do you remember that the Senate and Congress were both under Democratic control? For two years Obama and his congress passed reform after reform, until 2010 when Republicans won the house. Here comes the pay attention part.

The Obama/Democratic Congress from 08-10 passed the following;

-Wall Street Reform

-Credit Card Reform

-Student Loan Reform

-Health Care Reform

-Fair Pay Act

-Expanded GI Bill

-Reauthorized Childrens' Health Insurance Plan (CHIP)

-Expanded National Civilian Service Corps

-Fair Sentencing Act

-9/11 First Responders Bill

-Hate Crimes Act

-Ratified START Treaty with Russia

-Repealed Dont Ask Dont Tell

-Revived Auto Industry

-Stimulus/Middle Class Tax Cuts (largest in history)

This was accomplished in two years. Since the Republicans have taken over control of Congress however, NOT A SINGLE PIECE OF LEGISLATION HAS BEEN PASSED. That's also been two years. Two years of nothing, not one single piece of paper making it through the building and into law. There have been several unnecessary crises though, including debt ceiling threats, government shutdown penis-waving, and of course, filibusters. All of which punched the stock market right in the jaw just as it was beginning to struggle to it's feet.

You can dance around applauding each other's absence of shame in crippling the government, but 800,000 government employees just got furloughed this morning. Valley Forge, the national park down the street is closed. Republicans talk about jobs, and they talk about compromise, but even the most basic voter can understand numbers. Something to think about.

(Real quick, Obama just signed a bill yesterday that ensured our troops would still get a paycheck even in the event of a shutdown. Who said politicians aren't classy anymore?)