Republican Douchebags; An Infinite List

It's a project that will take a lifetime to accomplish, a complete list of all Republican dipshits, you know, the ones who kill and ruin others' lives for their own political advancement? Well, the list is impossible to finish because new members keep applying daily. Here are a few of this month's inductees. 

Mark Sanford

Sanford is an unstoppable political asshole. The man cheated on his wife with an Argentinian woman, lied about where he was when he was doing it, (said he was hiking the Appalachians, when he was in Argentina banging this girl) and it was then revealed that he stole South Carolina treasury funds to take the vacation. THIS MAN NOW HAS HIS JOB BACK. That's right, smart well-informed South Carolinians just recently sent this man back to congress.  Mark voted to impeach Clinton in the 90's because of Bill's "Immoral Behavior". Good job South Carolina, you deserve only the best. 

Jim DeMint

Mark Sanford got his job in congress back because this man, Jim DeMint, resigned from his seat in the house to accept a better paying job running The Heritage Foundation; a conservative think tank. DeMint is ranked by The National Journal as "The most conservative member of the senate", he opposes abortion even in cases of incest and rape, and pushes for not only prayer in public fucking school, but he wants "God Bless America" plastered on front of every school building in the country. This is the man that the republican party is going to get their unbiased political ideas from. Sweet.

Jason Richwine

This handsome devil was an employee of the aforementioned Heritage Foundation, (he recently stepped down) who authored a report that said immigration reform would cost 6.3 trillion dollars. His report was criticized by the left for not including any mention of the benefits of immigration. What was really amazing was that after a little prying, it was discovered that Mr. Richwine had written a previous paper about how mexicans have low IQ's genetically, and that their unborn children will be stupid too. Jason's big idea is that we should only allow those with high IQ's into the country, oh yeah, and he identifies himself as a white nationalist. SHOCKER.

Tom Coburn

The junior senator from my birth state, Oklahoma, Tom Coburn is a man I have a bipolar relationship with. One day, I like him because he is one of the only 2 repubs who voted against the war in Iraq, and then the next day I find out he opposes gay marriage. So here, I'll list his political stances, and you make up your own mind.

- Tom wrote a health care plan in 2009 that included the following goals, "1) prevent disease and promote healthier lifestyles, 2) create affordable and accessible health insurance options, 3) equalize the tax treatment of health care, 4) modernize the Medicaid and Medicare beneficiary choice, 5) ensure compensation for injured patients and 6) establish transparency in health care price and quality."

-Tom Coburn opposes gay marriage

-He has been quoted as saying, "I will tell you personally that I think going to Iraq was a mistake."

-Tom Coburn opposes abortion in every case except when the mother's life is at risk.

-He is a memeber of John McCain's "Fiscal Watch Team."

-He authored the HIV prevention bill of 1997 which would make it a crime not to inform your partner of your sickness before intercourse

-Tom Coburn voted against background checks, gun trafficking regulations, and the ban on high capacity magazines.

The class of May 2013!!

FUCK!

Fuck this fucking trophy. Holy shit, Im sleepy, and so fucking stupid frustrated. Fuck you Edward Nigma, you're a total douche.

Superman vs Batman

I love DC Comics, and my loyalty to the brand originates from my obsession with Superman. Clark has always been my favorite superhero, and after hundreds and hundreds of arguments about who would win in a fight, I'm going to present my side of the scuffle here. Superman is better than Batman. This isn't just about who to bet on in a brawl, it's also about who does their job better, and who is most deserving of your attention. Here are my justifications.

 #1: Batman protects a city, Superman protects a planet

Yes, I know that in the modern storylines, Batman has taken a much more global approach to crime fighting, by dividing his time between the Justice League and Gotham, and installing the Brother Eye satellite. However, Superman has been global for decades, LEADING the Justice League, and stopping villains who threaten the safety of the planet Earth, as opposed to a psycho who threatens the city of Gotham. Superman's problems are much bigger in scale. Take a look at their primary villains. Batman has The Joker, Freeze, Ivy, Bane, Black Mask, Two-Face, The Penguin, etc. Have any of these guys ever had any aspiration outside of Gotham City? Lex Luthor, Braniac, Zod, Doomsday, Darkseid, Bizarro, have all had plans that would have destroyed our beloved home if Superman hadn't intervened. The only example that Bat has is Ra's, and thats pushing it. Batman's fights are epic, Superman's are legendary.

#2: Superman can respond to any emergency immediately

Are you being mugged by five guys dressed as different playing cards? (The always hilarious Royal Flush Gang) Well, after crawling to the Police Station following your uninterrupted mug-stabbing, you can file a report and wait for 25 others to suffer the same thing. When the body count reaches 30 or so, then Gordon will flash the signal and explain to Batman what is happening, then your justice will be served somewhere between 7 and 10 issues later. If you are lucky enough to live in Metropolis, then you never get stabbed, because Superman needs to only change his pants before swiftly rescuing you.

#3: Superman fights for justice, Batman has a personal vendetta
There is a big difference between hero and vigilante. For instance, one would never punch a woman, and the other punches girls, all the time. Like, every issue.

#4: Superman doesn't need sidekicks

Batman has several, and Superman has none. Yes, Superboy and Supergirl are around, but they have joined teams of their own, or have grown into their own stand-alone heroes. Never, have they patrolled Metropolis together. Bruce has multiple sidekicks living with him at any given time. In his house.



#5: Superman WOULD win in a fight
Everyone's favorite, but contrary to popular belief, Superman would win this one. Sure, Batman is the world's greatest detective, and given enough time to prepare he can finish anyone, I've heard all of those arguments. But Supes has experience, a better resume, and superior abilities. There really isn't a contest here, at all. There never was. He beat Darkseid sir, fucking Darkseid. Did you read that issue? Have you heard about it? It was fucking crazy.

Iphone Games

I got a new iphone 5 a couple weeks ago, and I have been toying around with some games, trying to see if this really is a viable medium for portable gaming, or just 1,000 different versions of Angry Birds and Cut the Rope. So far, the experience has been pleasant, and the games that I do end up downloading have all been impressive so far. I've learned the hard way that ignoring the App store top charts is a good idea, and that every game you purchase should be investigated beforehand, by reading reviews and learning as much as possible. The great games are hidden. Here's the few that I have bought so far.

The Zelda case!

Infinity Blade 2 got my attention initially because of it's enormous production value. This game was made for the Iphone and Ipad, and it looks gorgeous, as if it were a console exclusive. The game plods from big ninja fight to big ninja fight, and though it feels on rails most of the time, the fights themselves are a blast. It has a God of War mixed with Ninja Gaiden feel to it. Great game.

Pixel People has been my obsession lately. This dev team made Tiny Tower for the ipad, which Steph loved, and their follow-up is even better. You clone new citizens and splice their genes to give them different professions. Then you thrust them out into your SimCity and proceed to micromanage their lives and productivity. The game does try to trick you into spending real money on the game's fake money, but avoiding that only means that you have to wait a longer amount of time for certain things. It's not a big deal and it doesnt take away from the overall experience. This game fucking rocks.

I mentioned in an earlier post that Final Fantasy Theatrhythm for the ios didnt come with a quest mode. Well, that has been patched, and Im really enjoying it. The game has perfect control sensitivity and the songs can get quite challenging. Im assuming that to get extra songs I have to pay cash, but what's offered initially is more than enough I think. Fuck you Cloud.

Robot Unicorn Attack 2 is at its core a simple dash game, but there are so many extras and power-ups that you forget about the simple game design. As your robot horn horse, so sprint to the right for infinity, collecting gems, and smash-tackling giants until you miss a jump or hit a wall. Then they count up your shit, and let you purchase power-ups for your unicorn, like wings or a stronger horn. This game is addictive, very addictive, be careful.

God Update

Just a few things that Mr. God is up to this week, starting with this patriot who I think just called me a member of the Taliban in his little video here.

Then there's the Salem Public Library in Missouri that got sued for blocking access to websites that taught a belief other than good old fashioned American jeebus. They blocked pagan web pages, Native American history websites, and even the Wiccan wikipedia page! The court ruled against the library, basically saying that even Christians are subject to laws and don't get to oppress whomever they want anymore. Boo.

 

"A federal district court has ordered the public library in Salem, Missouri to stop blocking patrons' access to websites relating to minority religions, which web filters had at times apparently classified as "occult" or "criminal," the American Civil Liberties Union of Eastern Missouri announced today. [...]

"Libraries do not have a license to censor viewpoints they disagree with," Tony Rothert, ACLU-EM legal director, tells Daily RFT. "Viewpoint discrimination should not be tolerated."

The decision from Judge Richard Webber, in a case the ACLU brought forward on behalf of Salem resident Anaka Hunter, says that the library is prohibited from having filters that block access to sites beyond basic pornography and virus filters that they can legally maintain."

Then there's this psycho's Christian column

This lady is writing about why belief in reincarnation just doesn't fit with the teachings of Jesus, and proves her savior's love by writing sentences like:

"It is imperative that serious Christians view mysticism as evil."

"God forbids any sort of participation in paganism for our own protection. His reason is simple: its roots are steeped in pagan idolatry and drug use."

"Unfortunately many Christians fail to obey God's command to resist the devil, which is one of the reasons Christianity's in the sorry state it's in today." (Yeah, it couldn't be that it's complete bullshit, it's gotta be that the people are too stupid to understand, gotcha)

"Christians who are confronted with an evil practice must lace up their trusty running shoes and high tail it out of there, pronto! Keep away from horoscopes (astrology), numerology, séances, tarot cards, tealeaves, palm reading, crystal balls, talking boards, omens or signs. Moreover, do not get involved in wizardry, witchcraft, the study of Kabbalah, nature religion (Wicca), and the practice of yoga (its sole purpose is purely spiritual). Believers must flee from any and all pagan customs and practices. Those who are currently involved in any of the above must bring it to an end today!"

That last one was my favorite. You can't even do yoga, because all that sexy bending appeases satan!

And finally, I found this dude's blog, 

http://daletoons.blogspot.com/

He's a member of the tea party and one of those Obama-is-a-corrupt-socialist-who-wants-to-take-our-guns-and-eat-our-babies guys who covers his deep seeded racism with dumb fringe "patriotic" beliefs. He's one hell of a funny artist though, and seeing how I love Obama and Russia, I might have to order this one for my living room.

Have a great day guys and thanks for reading. Hail Satan!

Gary Busey has been fired

Im very upset at Mr. Trump for firing the heart of Celebrity Apprentice. Gary did make the top 6 though, which is way higher than anyone on the planet thought, and holy fuck did he go out with a bang. Each team was tasked with making a 90 second commercial for LG, and Gary was named director of his team. Here's his commercial. Sit down first.

So obviously I want Penn to win it all, and Im so excited that he has survived this long, but if he fails, and that may very well happen, then I will be fully supporting Lil Jon. That man's skeet is powerful.

Oliver's room

Oliver is almost two and a half now, and his room will soon be changing themes. So, before we change his bedroom from Ninjatown to almost surely an automobile theme, (Ollie is obsessed with all things transportation these days), I just wanted to pay a little tribute to his fuck-awesome ninja room.

Ninjatown is a tower defense game for the DS that Stephanie is particularly fond of. We even met the creator Shawn Smith at a hipster Chicago art festival where he was running his Shawnimals store. The art that Steph made for Oliver means a lot to us, and I think I want to hang the big piece in my cave after we make the switch.

Stephanie painted all of these while she was very pregnant, during our scramble to finish a nursery in time for Oliver's arrival. I love her art, and when it mixes with anything geeky I fall in love. Maybe we can sneak a little nerd into his current and hopefully short-lived automobile craze, I vote for a Transformers theme. From the late 80's up until Beast Wars of course, not this new Shia bullshit.

She even made little tiny pictures to put on a little tiny easel