The Walking Dead: In Harm's Way

The Walking Dead truly has become an all encompassing universe. Like Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and Pokemon, TWD has books, games and television shows to give true fans a firm grasp on everything happening in the fantasy world they love so much. Kirkman's writing is at it's best when he covers the idea of children growing up during the zombie apocalypse, and like Carl in the books/tv show, Clementine is a fascinating character. I was really excited to play season 2's newest chapter, and see just how Clem is progressing now that Kenny is back.

I found myself approaching the new decisions with extreme cynicism. Like Clem and crew, I've been around the undead block a few times, so I had Clementine react as such. She's seen a few mad pyscho leaders in the first season, so I treated the new d-bag (Carver is his name) with absolutely no respect, even when he punished Clem's friends for her disobedience. The new woman, Bonnie, turned the group over to Carver's group, and I made sure that Clementine blamed her viciously for the murders that resulted from her betrayal, even when Bonnie tried to sincerely apologize. In a world with no law enforcement, I find it funny that these villains believe they have more freedom to do bad, when I think the opposite should be true. When you do wrong to a single person, one who has no police or government to seek justice from, you are creating a situation sustainable only by vengeance. 

Carver isn't anyone special, which I found kind of disappointing. He enters the story by tying up the entire group, then killing a couple men and torturing a couple more. He then brings us all back to his camp, where he employs the predictable forced labor and brainwashing techniques. I made sure Clementine refused to see any merit in cruelty, and when Carver takes her up to his office, to have a very serious conversation about switching sides, the game gave me a rare opportunity to see just how far my real world societal outlook could go. I had Clem explain that evil is not necessary, that there is no yin and yang, and that forcing your opinion of "right" on anyone is a betrayal of the human experience. I then beat him to death with a crowbar.

One of my favorite comedians, Kumail Nanjiani plays a one-armed wise cracker in this episode, and I was a little shocked at just how natural his jokes were in such a bleak environment. This episode is great, and just like the books, I feel like I am really growing with these characters. Clem and Kenny have been around since the very beginning, and though they are so radically different now, there remains a bond that was forged through Lee's death, the prison-school, and the kidnapper who kept his wife's zombie head in a bowling bag. 

The Pennsylvania Shitquake of 2014

Last night, at about 3am, I was woken up by my girlfriend Stephanie, hysterically begging for help. Our daughter, just 8 days old, was having a very epic diaper change. For those of you without children, you should know that infants have powerful shits that can scar your cortex permanently. I sprung out of bed, hazily shaking off the confusion from being jolted out of my dream, (I'm pretty sure I was fighting orcs in it) only to find that our daughter had crapped directly into Steph's bare hand. Like Indiana Jones lifting the chalice from the ancient pedestal, Phoebe had blessed Stephanie with a goblet of feces to be carried away by her pretty, manicured hand. It was on the crib sheets, in was on my bed sheets. The dirty wipes dripped down my arm as I tried to rush them downstairs and into the trash. There was poop in my bed, where we (stupidly) put her when the crib was taking hits. It's all over my (expensive enough to be ashamed of) Ikea rug. The worst part? Hours after clean-up and an attempt to fall back asleep, as I prepared to make breakfast this morning, I found a couple pieces that I missed still under my fingernails. 

More iPhone Games!

Now that I have a new a baby in the house, I have become desperate for good iPhone games. Here are three that I have been playing around with instead of being a responsible father.

2-Bit Cowboy is just 99 cents, and it's really awesome. It's a sepia tone sidescroller that rewards completionists. You collect bounties scattered around each level that give you rewards for killing all the scorpions, or shooting all of the bottles, all to earn money and buy new hats!

It's one of those games that make you think about just how obsessed you would be if this game came out on the NES when you were a kid.

Disco Zoo is similar to Pixel People, or Tiny Tower. You play a little minesweeper game to rescue animals and add them to your zoo. Once in your zoo, you maintain your creatures and build new habitats. Animals earn you money but fall asleep after a certain amount of time, and that's when you get to throw a disco party to wake them all up! It's free.

The Lord of The Rings: Battle for Middle Earth is just a shitty Clash of Clans ripoff that starts the game by asking me a time wasting question. Dwarves. Always.

These Are The Games Of Our Lives

When you remember a game that you've played, do you remember exactly what was going on around you when you played it? Unlike movies, or books even, I can recall the precise details of what was going on in my life when I first played something. Dino Crisis, for instance, may not be a very good survival horror game, but I played it in 7th grade, during a serious thunderstorm, in the dark, with my best friend taking turns with me after every death. I remember the carpet we were sitting on, I remember the cool ranch 3D Doritos..

It's crossing over from simple childhood nostalgia into serious life impact for me. Yes, Pokemon Red's Pokemon Center makes me think of a long line of 10 year olds sitting around a cafeteria table with link cables criss crossed above rectangle pizza, but that seems silly to me when I realize that Red Faction makes me reminisce about my son's birth. When your recollection of video games starts synching up with life events that are that close to you, it makes you want to happy cry a little. 

I played Persona 3 the night that I moved into my first apartment when I was 18. I had a TV, and a futon. A fridge and a box of comic books. I was free from my horrid mother and working 10 hour shifts at Whole Foods, with only about 75$ extra bucks after rent/bills each month. I was happy, really happy, spending my free time failing in my young adult love life and writing down possible Persona Fusion combos on a dry erase board. I lived in the heart of Chicago's gay neighborhood, on the same block as a (then) culturally shocking club called Hydrate, crawling through the randomly generated dungeons, muting the TV whenever I heard the police outside arresting some loud drunks.

I was playing Red Faction: Guerrilla the day I found out that Stephanie was pregnant, I remember being unable to proceed through the game a couple days later because so much was on my mind. I was scared, and even now I can't really recall the game's plot because I was so preoccupied. It's funny how even looking at this screenshot makes me a little misty, so much was going on the last time I saw it.

My newborn daughter Phoebe was a couple weeks early. I had re-downloaded my favorite XBLA game ever, Bastion, trying to plow through it once again before my free time became compromised. It didn't pan out, Pheebs got here early, but now and forever, my favorite small game will be united with my memory of first meeting her. Games sure as fuck have come a long way from Pong haven't they?

Shadowrun Returns

The original Shadowrun for the Snes belongs in that category of under appreciated games that nobody else on Earth seems to have played. Unlike other obscure-yet-revolutionary games Shadowrun has a sizable enough cult following to launch a successful Kickstarter campaign for a sequel. If you're wondering why you should give a shit, hopefully your eyebrow will raise when you learn that most Shadowrun fans consider the Snes classic to be the first true Mass Effect style RPG. For reals.

Space orcs and Martian goblins might be a common sic-fi trope now, but Shadowrun was the first time I ever saw an Orc in any setting other than medieval fantasy. I always play as a dwarf when I have the option to do so, so giving one a shotgun with computer hacking tech implanteded into the back of his neck was quite the fresh idea for 10-year-old me. I was investigating murders in futuristic versions of American cities, I was leveling up and putting my skill points into attack drones equipped with true AI. The original Shadowrun for the Snes had two very key components that make a legendary game; a fresh idea and perfect execution.

Does that Orcish strip club bouncer look familiar? His name is Mr. Kluwe and he is, you guessed it, based on the actual Chris Kluwe, NFL punter and geek hero. He's a big Shadowrun fan.

I've been playing the sequel on Steam and I'm about 5 hours in, it's really impressive. It feels identical to the original, with amazing HD graphics and deeper customization this time around. I'm in Seattle, trying to find the guy who killed my fellow narcotics smuggling friend, and not just because it's sad, but also because there's a huge cash reward for doing so. The gun fights are WAY more intense this time around, and it almost feels a little like Xcom, the way I position and spend my turns in battle. I think Shadowrun Returns can be found on Steam and other platforms for just 15$ right now, please, please buy it. All gamers deserve to see the good examples of retro RPGs, even the titles that they have never heard of.

Please Be Patient

My daughter was born yesterday on Cinco De Mayo, so I apologize for the lack of posting this week. Please be patient and understanding, and yes, she was born 1 hour and 50 minutes after May 4th ended, the most significant Star Wars date on the calendar. Phoebe will be home Wednesday morning,  in which I promise I'll try to get back on track, but I can't guarantee that.

A Couple Annoying Features In Final Fantasy 2

A few days ago I pointed out just how easy it is to exploit Final Fantasy 2's stat system, and while it is true that the first half of the game is a breeze if you cheat, it is also becoming clear that the game will balance things out. By any means necessary.

I just acquired the ship, (this FF has random battles while you sail too, an RPG crime) and it has come to my attention that Mysidia is available to visit at this time, if you're willing to brave the tough monsters that surround it.

This is a cockatrice, a famous monster from the FF series, (you may remember stealing a mother Cockatrice's eggs on the tracks leading to North Corel in FF7). These assholes are extremely deadly in FF2. They travel in packs of 6 around Mysidia, and have such high agility that they WILL strike first, regardless of how diligently you've power leveled. Cockatrices petrify you with a successful hit, so literally,the fight begins, they all move first, and it's instant game over. There is no equipment whatsoever available to me at this point in the game that protects me against petrify, and Esuna is reactive, not proactive. This is a very cheap ass game over.

There's also the world map. Look, I made a video about it!