Black Flag: 6 Hours In

I have a lot of games I need to play, and they are all piling up because I can't put Assassin's Creed Black Flag down. The original Assassin's Creed made me ignore the franchise altogether for a while, and then Assassin's Creed 2 changed my mind. This game though, might be one of the best adventure games that I have ever played. I'm 6 hours in, just leaving Nassau for the first time, and holy shit is this game good. 

The sailing in the game reminds me of Wind Waker more than I thought it would, just on a grand scale. Sailing is difficult, especially in the middle of the fight, which makes the scuffles that you do pull off pretty exhilarating. Circle a military ship, pelting it with cannons, keeping them close so it can't ram you, all the while keeping an eye on the tidal wave a mile out and the rock formation you're drifting towards. I love the naval stuff in this game, it's done so well, and with a million ship upgrades to get, you actually want to engage in huge sea battles to plunder needed materials.

So far, Stede Bonnet is my favorite character. His voice actor is James Bachman, a British comedian that I've been a fan of for some time. Black Flag is his first video game role, and if you like the IT Crowd, then you should recognize his voice fairly quickly. All of the characters that I've encountered so far are great, I'm impressed with the dialogue. I usually find pirate-y things annoying, because of all the cliche yarrs and arrgs, but the developers showed a little maturity here, and I appreciate that.

The sci-fi aspect of this Assassin's Creed is fascinating to me. You work for Abstergo Entertainment, digging through the pirate memories of Edward, spending the 9-5 workday inside an Animus. This company records your experience, packaging and selling it to the masses. Real interactive history as entertainment. It's interesting, especially when your boss wants you to start moving dates and times around because it would make things more exciting for the consumer. Changing real history to make it more enjoyable to learn about. I'm anticipating where this will go next.

Best Christmas Ever

Oliver got a lot of loot yesterday. I had a lot of things to build, a lot of batteries to load and stickers to apply. It was the best Christmas ever, and with another on the way, I am already excited about the next one.

I just wanted to put up a couple pictures from the big day before I rush off to work. 

Oliver's Christmas

This is going to be Oliver's last Christmas as an only child, so Stephanie and I wanted to make it extra special for him this year. He wrote Santa a list (his first Christmas list!) and we took it to Toys R Us.

-Red bike

-roller skates

-My Little Ponies toys

-cars

-marbles

-fruit popper

-specific train set

-robot dog

With this very unique list of items, Stephanie and I stalked the not-as-busy-as-we-thought toy store, throwing cool shit in our cart. It was a lot of fun, and something I'm definitely looking forward to doing every year. Parents have just as much fun as the kids do, planning and wrapping, trying to make the best day they can for their kids. Oliver is getting everything on his list, except for that fucking fruit popper, and even more presents that he didn't even know he wanted. 

I got to put his new bike together, and I'm going to slap a big bow on it and hide it behind the tree. I got to shop for Christmas toys with a large budget that I didn't have to stress over. I get to read Santa Claus books, and watch Frosty the Snowman with a 3 year old who adores Christmas. I get to be a parent with someone who demands we not buy each other presents, but instead focus on our son, because she really understands what's important. Christmas is going to be a blast this year, and I just know that an hour after presents are opened, when Oliver is playing ponies and Steph is preg-napping, I'm going to relax and enjoy the quiet house with happy people in it. Stephanie and Oliver are my Christmas presents, and the two of them give me this feeling that I am really, really lucky, especially this time of year.

Elizabeth Warren

I like President Obama, but he isn't my favorite politician. I agree with him on most things, and I believe that he genuinely has a heart, but our disagreements, what we don't see eye to eye on, can get very frustrating sometimes. If I had it my way, Elizabeth Warren would be my president. I have never agreed with a politician more than Warren, and that's including my hero Jimmy Carter. 

It may be a little more subtle than the Republicans' current civil war, but there are opposing sides on the left. Obama and those who stick close to his side, the Centrists, have been at odds lately with newly defined liberal group, the Warrens. Elizabeth Warren's super-progressive ideas caused a lot of us to turn on our president recently when he decided to trim the growth of benefits payments in future years. Those of us who agree with Elizabeth Warren want to see a huge expansion in social security, not a trimming. There are those of us on the left that want the significance of credit scores greatly diminished, Obama has no opinion on that, but Warren just wrote a bill that bans the use of credit applications during the hiring process. One of the big accomplishments of Obama's presidency was Wall Street Reform, and while I wanted a lot more, I applauded that big first step that he made. Elizabeth Warren however, would have dropped a much bigger, much stricter version.

Whenever Massachusetts Senator Warren writes a bill, or speaks, it always has something to do with the following:

-Patience for our youth

-Empathy for the old

-Sympathy for the poor

-Justice for the wronged

I feel that my political life philosophy matches up with Warren's real world plan. Tax paying citizens get taken care of by the country they contributed to when they become elderly, children should not be punished or penalized for the decisions that their parents made, and all of us doing our best to achieve an equal playing field for us all to pursue opportunity from. If you haven't heard Warren speak or know what her philosophy is all about, I urge you to look into it. I feel like a dirty JoHo now, preaching the gospel of someone I like, but hey, sometimes, that's how good politics spread.

Elizabeth Warren writes credit rating bill

Big time groups become Warrens

5 Things I like About Dead Space 3

I wasn't being super nice yesterday when I talked about my Dead Space 3 experience, and I am enjoying the game, so I wanted to highlight 5 things that I do really like about DS3, even if I do feel that it's the weakest installment so far.

The N7 Suit

There's actually a few cool new suits in this one, like the First Contact suit that makes me feel like a space rapper, or the Witness suit covered in weird graffiti. But nothing beats the N7 suit that's modeled after Mass Effect's Commander Shepard. The only problem is that unlike 1 and 2, the suits in Dead Space 3 don't have any attributes, so, it really doesn't matter which one you wear, there isn't any stat difference between any of them. In Dead Space 1, you had to upgrade your suit, and when it was fully pimped, it was a very satisfying feeling, but the new N7 suit certainly looks cool.

Scavenger Bots

Searching for spare parts like scrap metal, tungsten ore, gel, and conductors to build your weapons is a new feature introduced in Dead Space 3 that makes me want to vomit, but it's made a little bearable with Scavenger Bots. You walk around with a sensor until it starts beeping and vibrating, then set down the bot, and he will get a bunch of supplies for you! It's always a nice feeling when you find an upgrade bench, and your bots wheel on over to unload their treasure. Now, for 5.00$ you can buy some DLC that increases their effectiveness instead of upgrading them someway in-game, which should be illegal.

Optional Missions

Dead Space has always had secret areas, but Dead Space 3 has secret missions. Little side quests, that you usually have to backtrack a little to accomplish, are the best part about exploring. These optional missions have their own contained stories, which are almost always written better than the main storyline is. Running back to an old abandoned armory to find new guns and kill everything inside is fun, and adds nice little breaks from the nonsensical main plot.

Human Enemies

This is the first game where uninfected humans pose a threat. You'd think I would hate this, because Dead Space 3 is about killing monster aliens, but these guys trying to kill me represent The Church of Unification. Religious fanatics? That means my bullets are individual little atheist protests, and I get to throw the middle finger up at Jesus every time I pull the trigger. Awesome.

The Drill Fight

About mid-way through the game, is a pretty cool Drill Room. The Drill Spins around on the ground, and you must avoid it while using stasis to slow it down. On top of that, Necromorphs drop in, and try to eat you. You have to sprint around the room, dodging the drill and killing aliens, until you do enough damage to the drill's core that it shuts off. The drill also kills the enemies too, making the entire ordeal very bloody, and very hectic.

Dead Space 3: 6 hours in

Dead Space 3 just isn't what I want it to be. I pine for the feeling that the original Dead Space gave me, that dread you feel when you realize that your character is all alone in the middle of outer space on a ship full of zombaliens. Dead Space 3 has none of that, in fact, there are a bunch of NPCs who never shut the fuck up, Issac himself talks as much as a teenager, and the entire game is built around co-op. CO-OP!!! A franchise that was originally advertised as a high-res Metroid experience is now being sold as a roller coaster co-op shooter. The game isn't terrible, it just isn't as good as the very first game, and I'm disappointed. 

Why all the changes? Did Dead Space 2 really do that poorly that Visceral felt the need to change absolutely everything for #3? Enemies drop scrap parts now, that you need to collect to build the guns you need. You don't unlock guns anymore, you build them yourself, and instead of it being a fun loot-fest, it feels like you're being taken advantage of as a player. Why do I need to memorize schematics and get frustrated when I can't find the extra tungsten I need to build a gun that I don't even know if I'll actually use? In Dead Space 1 and 2, you unlock a gun, and it's yours. All you need to worry about is collecting power nodes to upgrade them. Also, Power Nodes don't exist anymore, it's Tungsten Cores now, apparently, the entire universe has had a serious tech upgrade since 2.

I can bitch about the new weapon system or the constant NPC presence all day, but we all know the real problem with Dead Space is it's story. Now, yes, I haven't finished Dead Space 3 yet, so it may be unfair to slam the story, but look at how obviously bad the bad guy is. Look at him, he's introduced as your friend before he betrays you. Shocked?

Barack's December

I haven't been posting a lot of political stuff lately. For that I'm sorry, but I have been paying attention. Barack Obama's approval rating is at an all time low, and being such a fan of his, I've been listening to the country eviscerate him from so many different angles with sadness. Liberals seem to be mad that things aren't progressing enough, and Conservatives throw the world socialism around while choking on their own neck-fat. With America's faith in our government dwindling ever smaller, B-rock has done two things this month that have made me smile. A little.

The Volcker Rule is going into effect. Years ago, Barack passed Wall Street Reform, and the biggest piece of that, The Volcker Rule, finally starts doing the thing it was written to do. The Volcker Rule stops banks from gambling with our money. It was made a law after The Great Depression, and banks spent decades (along with obscene amounts of money) to repeal it. Now, their repeal has been.....repealed. Banks hate this, which means, as universal law, us citizens are benefiting. 

Also, Obama has struck a deal with Iran that will reduce the number of nukes they get to make in exchange for the loosening of trade sanctions. This is a big deal, because it takes the nuclear arsenal away from a very dangerous and unpredictable world power, while at the same time giving that country a chance to change it's splotchy image. It avoids war. There's also an even bigger silver lining here than just making nicey-nice with Iran, North Korea might be interested in something similar. War avoidance through handshakes and diplomacy. Who knew?

So while everyone else finds reasons to hate our leader, I want to be one of the few that says good job, there are at least a couple good things that are happening right now in the midst of all this nonsense. Now, lets just get this immigration reform done and we truly will have a great December.

Metal Gear Solid 1-4

The original Metal Gear Solid was one of those PS1 games that introduced me to a genre that I didn't even know I liked. Tenchu was the only franchise at the time that rewarded stealth play over direct fighting, but Tenchu was hard, and I was 10. Metal Gear Solid was mentally challenging, and I found out that I really liked hiding and wearing disguises a lot more than killing all 30 guards in the area. Getting through an area without being seen required more skill than headshots, (imo) so I fell in love with the Metal Gear games. In addition to the great new stealth stuff, MGS1 had a boss that could read your memory card, a cybernetic ninja, lots of people peeing their pants, and a pretty decent military conspiracy story. Snake himself was also really cool.

I am pretty sure that I am the only human being on Earth that likes Metal Gear Solid 2 more than #1. I was a little older, it was on the next gen system of the time, and I really liked exploring the Big Shell. It was a game with a linear story, that somehow allowed for free-roam around a massive environment. This was also during the bare-bones internet of 2001, so a lot of the game's secrets were actually secret. You didn't know what you would get for exploring a vent that you happen across in an area you have no business being in yet. It could be a ration, or an RPG, and 14 year old Tyler loved every second of it. The story in 2 got silly, with Liquid Snake's arm taking over Revolver Ocelot's body, the LaLiLuLeLo, and Raiden's naked cartwheels, but the game was so well done, that I embraced the quirkiness. 

Next in the drawn out timeline is 3, which I didn't like very much at all. I really hated the idea of a prequel, especially after I katana-dueled Solidus Snake on the roof of the Capital building in Washington to the death at the end of 2, I wanted to see what happened next. Instead, we got fan service, but not the type of fan blowing that rewards those of us who actually care about Kojima's vision. The "fans" who got rewarded were the people who didn't like Raiden. I didn't care about Big Boss, or how he got started, I actually liked that his past was clouded in mystery, that Liquid and Solid were clones of an enigmatic Cold War soldier. The bosses were lame, trying to capture that perfect ensemble from MGS1 again, and everything ended the exact way you imagined it would when you clicked New Game. 

I beat Snake Eater, and left the Metal Gear games feeling a little sour. I didn't swear them off, but I didn't plan on going out of my way to play the next one either. I figured the time of their greatness has passed, so I just around to playing Metal Gear Solid 4, 5 years after it was released.

The game started off terrible, with lots of bad J-pop bullshit. There's a guy who shits his pants a lot, and all of the Americans act very Japanese, bowing and sensei-worshipping. I hated the first 4 hours of this game more than I've hated anything in a long time. I shook my head as I remembered Vulcan Raven, and the Sniper Wolf fight. I watched in horror as Meryl was re-introduced to the story, with no explanation, after being dead for 9 years. I furrowed my brow as Vamp walked out of a cargo plane with Liquid. Vamp is alive? Vamp is the boss that you decided to bring back. Out of all the amazing, creative boss battles that Konami has invented for Metal Gear, the Vampire gets to return?  There's a girl who cooks eggs, Otacon isn't cool anymore, and a dude with a monkey who follows you around the world to sell you guns.

I almost quit, until something peculiar happened. In the 3rd act, you go to Shadow Moses island, the setting for MGS1. This is done beautifully, as the military base is covered in a blizzard, Old Snake retraces the steps that Young Snake took. You crawl across the courtyard where you fought Vulcan Raven's tank. You have to revisit Otacon's office where you fought Grey Fox. All of this is believable too, the story making perfect sense for the first time in a long time. You also start learning that the team from Snake Eater actually ended up founding the Patriots. The story in MGS4 is connecting all of the game together, in what seems to be a surprisingly well-thought narrative.

I'm still on Shadow Moses fighting a boss battle that is cheap, and frustrating. I'm taking a small break, playing through something else to quell the rage. However, I will return shortly, figure out how to proceed so that I may find out exactly what is in Kojima's mind for the end of 4.

Oliver's 3rd Birthday

We filled his room with balloons overnight

I've never really liked birthday parties. I don't really have a reason, but they always seem to feel forced. I think birthdays should simply be a do-whatever-you-want day. Oliver got the breakfast he wanted, eggs, bacon, sausage and pop tarts. He got to do whatever he wanted all morning, he decided to dump his toy box out and pretend to swim in Hot Wheels. He got to drink M&M's out of a plastic candy cane then run windsprints up and down the hallway. For naptime, he decided to sleep on the couch watching My Little Ponies. His friends will arrive at 4 for his party, and there will be presents, cake, the traditional stuff. But until then, he gets what I think is the better present: absolute freedom.

Pokemon Y: Review

I finally beat the elite four and their champion, finishing the main quest of Pokemon Y. Now, I know there is a ton of post game content, but I feel comfortable that I have seen enough of Pokemon Y to give it a knowledgeable review. I captured 185 pokemon and clocked in 44 hours of gameplay. 

There are a lot of things that I didn't like about Y, but I think it's important to focus on the new direction the brand is moving in. Yes, the game is still disgustingly g-rated even though most Pokemaniacs are now in their mid-twenties, there still isn't a true 3D adventure and Nintendo seems to think that all problems can be solved with friendship, but think about where we were just a couple years ago. We were angrily slogging through Pokemon White/Black, depressed in the realization that this was just how Pokemon games were going to be forever, just like Zelda, nothing new, nothing exciting, just the same game repeated forever. What we got X/Y was at the very least a couple steps in the right direction, a direction the fans have been screaming to go in for 15 years.

I bumped into Nurse Joy off the clock.

I can't ignore the especially shitty story this time around though. A Team Rocket clone called Team Flare want to eliminate all Pokemon because they are suffering, and would be better off dead. In the middle of the game, you have a single confrontation with these guys and thats it, you shut down their doomsday machine and the world is grateful. There is a 9 foot man who has been alive for 3,000 years, (which doesn't seem to spark the interest of any of the Professors), who becomes reunited with his long lost pokemon friend and then walks off into the sunset.

That's it. But with this new title we got a lot of good things. I like the Mega Ring, it was done well. You get one mega evolution per battle, and it gives you a last resort if things aren't going well. This is the first game where Pikachu isn't shoved down your throat for forty hours. The gyms are better, beautiful and challenging. The gym leaders themselves are wacky and fun, and can actually kick a little ass if you aren't properly staffed. I love the new cities, I love the French vibe, and I the bike has been completely fixed. Mewtwo is also the game's big catch which is a nice nostalgic nod to the rest of us. Yeah, I caught Yvetal, but all of us first gens know that Mewtwo has always been the greatest pokemon there is, and it's nice to include him in the newest gen.

Pokemon is finally doing something new, and while Pokemon Y had a lot of the old things that irritate me, I appreciate the new things too. Pokemon Y was fun, different, but because of this, it leaves a lot of pressure and hype lingering in the air for the next one. 

Christmas is my favorite holiday

I talk about my atheism a lot. I've surrounded myself with friends and co-workers who contest every opinion and belief I have, so it comes up, often. I've noticed lately that my love of everything Christmas has raised an eyebrow or two. The question, "Why do you like Christmas if you're an atheist?" is absurd to me. If you are like me, a nonbeliever who is sometimes mildly irritated by organized religion, Christianity in particular, then why wouldn't you love Christmas? It's the area where atheists have achieved their biggest victory.

You ever flip to Fox News or something equally fun and hear that "war on Christmas" scare party? That's more true than you would think, but I am convinced waging war against Jesus's birthday is a good thing. We have this magical time of year, filled with extra kindness and charity, where we all treat each other a little better than we usually do. Christmas time is a good thing, which is why despite it's Christian roots, it has been expanded to include everyone, and is now called the "Holiday Season". Regardless of belief or creed, we now all participate in hot cocoa, trees, peppermint and crazed shopping.

We achieved this the way we accomplish all great things in this country, capitalism. Your god may be an almighty omni-present space magician, but even he cannot stand up to the might of the American dollar. Turn the Christian bday celebration into a multi-month, money dominated, all inclusive season. There was a war on Christmas, and it's over, we won. We took his birthday away and made it into something we can all enjoy.

I love this time of year, mostly because my son Oliver is super into it this time, but partly because I know that the modern Christmas experience is so radically different than it was just a few decades ago. The love is still there, but there is so much more respect for others now. We all choose how we celebrate the holidays now, with less concern for the scorn of the devout. Ever wonder why the appearance of Jesus on his own birthday diminished as the holiday expanded? It's because when given a choice, people don't want him around. We won atheists, and we did it with our brains, and our Democracy. Happy holidays everyone!

Rudolph has a liberal message

Oliver has been watching a lot of Christmas classics lately. He loves Frosty, How the Grinch Stole Christmas and the Animaniacs Christmas special, but the old movie he loves the most is Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Ollie's obsession with Rudolph is actually getting a little out of hand, he watches the old claymation 3-5 times daily, and just received a rather expensive Rudolph doll from Build-A-Bear because they make the front window displays irresistible to children suffering from specific toy addictions.

Despite the financial expense my son's new fandom causes me, I am very happy with his decision. The Rudolph story that this particular movie presents is a thing of Democratic beauty. Oliver learned what the word "independent" means, and the snowman even calls Rudolph's nose a "non-conformity". This version of the Rudolph story isn't just about celebrating uniqueness, but the entrenching of that moral when it faces wide ridicule. Rudolph's father is an image-concerned asshole, and even Santa is a dick, but Rudolph takes a swing at life alone, nose glowing in his dad's intolerant face, a middle finger to the sky.

When I watch Oliver watch Rudolph, little daydreams brew inside my head of watching Dr. Strangelove with him, or brewing some hot cocoa and discussing Farenheit 451. Maybe I should relax a little and just take the immediate solace in the fact that Oliver at least seems to enjoy a good story more than fancy special effects. That certainly makes me proud on it's own.

Thanksgiving

There are lots of things that I don't like about Thanksgiving, like the lies, the racism, and the vegan movement, but I have always liked the saying what you're thankful for part, no matter how cliche it has become. It adds a small amount of perspective on the year you've had, so here is a random list of stuff I'm thankful for.

Im thankful for

-Blastoise

-My son's new obsession with TMNT

-The Dallas Cowboys

-President Obama

-This blog's success

-political nonsense

-Sam Adam's variety packs

-toy commercials

-pregnancy

Also, these guys, are kind of important to me, and make these holidays so much better then they ever were before.

Pokemon Y Update: Psychic Gym and The Bad Guy

I finally got through the mega lame Frost Cavern and arrived in Anistar City. I entered the Psychic Gym and fought this cougar, Olympia in one hell of a fun gym battle. The game got a little tedious with the last two city leaders, but this Psychic gym was traditional, fun, and difficult.

I kept the 3D on for the Psychic gym, because it looked really cool. It was sadly straightforward though, which just made me daydream about those classic Sabrina gyms, with the tricky teleports. However, Olympia's pokemon are tough, and my Gengar died early, causing a slight panic.

Upon leaving the gym, the story becomes unexpectedly upbeat, and you get the official notice that Lysandre is a bad guy. I'm sure none of us saw it coming.

Mega Gengar is the shit though, and now with Blastoise and Blaziken, he has joined my other mega ring users. I need a Mareep really bad.

Pokemon Y just got interesting again, even if just a little. Lysandre Labs is a cool dungeon, with a throwback arrow tile system that sends you spinning all over the place. It's fun, but I'm starting to suspect that the plot won't be living up to the hype.

Quick Time Events Suck Ass

The first time I ever heard the term Quick Time Event was an hour or so into Final Fantasy 9. QTE's in Final Fantasy 9 were just like little mini games of quick button presses that could earn you items, or reveal tiny pieces of the overall story. Press the buttons in the order that they appear on screen and you can watch Zidane swordfight Blank, or see how the Moogles really deliver mail, but the Quick Time Events were never a big deal, and completely skippable. That sure did change quickly.

Resident Evil has suffered the most from the QTE revolution. Before RE4, I would watch a cutscene where Nemesis smashes through a wall, and when the game resumes, I get to personally blow him the fuck up. Now, an entire boss fight can take place inside the cutscene, from start to finish, with a few button presses prompted instead of actual gameplay. RE2? Grab the rocket launcher, sprint to the other side of the warehouse and unload on Birkin before he catches up to you. RE5? Watch the cutscene as Wesker walks out of the volcano, then press X, watch Chris punch him, then press A to dodge the counter attack. Watch helicopter arrive, press X to kill Wesker, press Y to beat the game.

Quick Time Events are the main reason I skipped the entire God of War series, (that and Greek mythology is getting really fucking boring). I would argue that God of War shouldn't even be considered a video game, because the developers would rather show you what the coolest fight would be, instead of letting you control the battle yourself. The memorable moments are forced on you, when the gamer should be in charge of making the memories. Games are sandboxes or beautiful environments that the player takes control of, not the other way around. Its laziness. Over-budgeted laziness.

The industry seems to be moving away from QTE's, which is a good thing, but games like Resident Evil 6 and Arkham Origins show that not every company has figured it out. We should all be boycotting this nonsense until it goes away completely, and we can enjoy games again by playing games again.

Uncharted 3 Review

2005 was a very special year. I played Bioshock and the very first Mass Effect back to back that year, forever making me one of those annoying, "modern games need interactive stories" assholes. Since then, Uncharted has been a very large elephant sitting in my living room, mocking me, and disproving every piece of nonsense that fell out of my mouth. I have grown up a little, and I don't believe anymore that good games have any sort of predetermined criteria that they must meet in order to be considered amazing. Good games are good games, and each one is different. Uncharted has not one second of interactive story in the trilogy, and it is, without a doubt, one of the greatest video game franchises ever made. It belongs in the conversation with Mario and Final Fantasy, and Nathan Drake will win the day. There isn't anything you can do about it.

Uncharted's charm comes from it's ridiculousness. It seems like a mix between Indiana Jones and Death Wish. Drake hunts treasure all over the globe while fighting rich British women and their hired goons. The next time you play one of the Uncharted games, look for the following silly things;

-Nathan's ability to absorb bullets right into his skin

-Everything Drake touches explodes

-Everything Drake climbs breaks, and then he fucking climbs it anyway

-Drake always has the element of surprise, because the idiot enemies always assume he's dead

Besides being a superhero, Nathan Drake is also a world class parkour champion. In Uncharted 3, he jumpes from cargo box, to jeep, to tethered propane tank THAT ALL HANG MID-AIR OUT THE BACK OF A CARGO PLANE. I am poking slight fun here, but I do not critisize because that would mean I couldn't like Harrison Ford anymore. 

I had a blast with Unch3, shooting Europeans and mastering the stumble-run. The scope of this game is massive, and while I usually don't give two shits about graphics, they stand out here. French jungles, Arab deserts, they all feel real, even if what you're doing in them doesn't. The archaeologist in you will giggle when you unlock a door by way of some elaborate tile puzzle, and the Marcus Fenix in you will nod with manly respect everytime your sniper pistol blows the fuck out of some Brit. Loved this game.

Also, Elena Fisher is back, so that's reason enough to give it a glowing review. She's my flave.

Burial At Sea Review

I finished the first episode of the Bioshock Infinite DLC last night, and even though it was rather short, the story was really really good. Bioshock 2 had, in my opinion, the greatest DLC I've ever downloaded with Minerva's Den, so I had high hopes for Burial at Sea. It was interesting to see how people lived in Rapture, even if it was right before the entire city was destroyed. You also get to fight a Big Daddy, use a new microwave gun, and enjoy a signature Bioshock plot twist.

Rapture had always been kind of a tease. When the original Bioshock begins, the city is already crumbling, with rabid splicers and monsters running around. I always wanted to see how the day to day Rapture was, when it's citizens weren't stabbing each other and hunting little girls to eat their guts. In Burial at Sea, you get to walk around Rapture, listening to average people discuss the minutia of their underwater lives, it's a libertarian paradise. It may sound like a minor thing to experience, but I'm really happy that this DLC gave me what I have been wanting since the very first game, a peek into the madness beforehand.

This new gun is called the Radar Range, and it is super fucking sweet. It cooks your enemy from the inside, causing them to explode, damaging other nearby enemies and covering the room with hot gore. It's got lots of ammo, and kills quick, with the only downside being that you can't loot the bodies of those you've exploded. I love that they added a new weapon that isn't just another scope with bullets. Just don't use it during the Big Daddy fight, it's a waste of time.

You also get the return of my favorite mini boss from Bioshock. Sander Cohen, the eccentric artist is back with another one of his masterpieces. In this DLC, he has a couple dance while he paints them, electrocuting them to death as soon as they make a mistake. He's behind the missing girl that Booker is trying to find. The ending of episode 1 is quite the plot twist, and while I certainly didn't see it coming, this time it was a bit of a head scratcher. I guess that's why there is an episode 2, but I am left feeling a little confused.

Best part about the new DLC!? EL AMMO BANDITO IS BACK! I was in the middle of a huge fight, my shield gone, my back against the wall, out of eve, with just a couple bullets left in my handcannon. Then I hear behind me, that beautiful melodic voice, "me llamo el ammo bandito!" I was saved, and I really, really missed those vending machines. The Circus of Value is still around too, happy day.