Rudolph has a liberal message

Oliver has been watching a lot of Christmas classics lately. He loves Frosty, How the Grinch Stole Christmas and the Animaniacs Christmas special, but the old movie he loves the most is Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Ollie's obsession with Rudolph is actually getting a little out of hand, he watches the old claymation 3-5 times daily, and just received a rather expensive Rudolph doll from Build-A-Bear because they make the front window displays irresistible to children suffering from specific toy addictions.

Despite the financial expense my son's new fandom causes me, I am very happy with his decision. The Rudolph story that this particular movie presents is a thing of Democratic beauty. Oliver learned what the word "independent" means, and the snowman even calls Rudolph's nose a "non-conformity". This version of the Rudolph story isn't just about celebrating uniqueness, but the entrenching of that moral when it faces wide ridicule. Rudolph's father is an image-concerned asshole, and even Santa is a dick, but Rudolph takes a swing at life alone, nose glowing in his dad's intolerant face, a middle finger to the sky.

When I watch Oliver watch Rudolph, little daydreams brew inside my head of watching Dr. Strangelove with him, or brewing some hot cocoa and discussing Farenheit 451. Maybe I should relax a little and just take the immediate solace in the fact that Oliver at least seems to enjoy a good story more than fancy special effects. That certainly makes me proud on it's own.

Thanksgiving

There are lots of things that I don't like about Thanksgiving, like the lies, the racism, and the vegan movement, but I have always liked the saying what you're thankful for part, no matter how cliche it has become. It adds a small amount of perspective on the year you've had, so here is a random list of stuff I'm thankful for.

Im thankful for

-Blastoise

-My son's new obsession with TMNT

-The Dallas Cowboys

-President Obama

-This blog's success

-political nonsense

-Sam Adam's variety packs

-toy commercials

-pregnancy

Also, these guys, are kind of important to me, and make these holidays so much better then they ever were before.

Pokemon Y Update: Psychic Gym and The Bad Guy

I finally got through the mega lame Frost Cavern and arrived in Anistar City. I entered the Psychic Gym and fought this cougar, Olympia in one hell of a fun gym battle. The game got a little tedious with the last two city leaders, but this Psychic gym was traditional, fun, and difficult.

I kept the 3D on for the Psychic gym, because it looked really cool. It was sadly straightforward though, which just made me daydream about those classic Sabrina gyms, with the tricky teleports. However, Olympia's pokemon are tough, and my Gengar died early, causing a slight panic.

Upon leaving the gym, the story becomes unexpectedly upbeat, and you get the official notice that Lysandre is a bad guy. I'm sure none of us saw it coming.

Mega Gengar is the shit though, and now with Blastoise and Blaziken, he has joined my other mega ring users. I need a Mareep really bad.

Pokemon Y just got interesting again, even if just a little. Lysandre Labs is a cool dungeon, with a throwback arrow tile system that sends you spinning all over the place. It's fun, but I'm starting to suspect that the plot won't be living up to the hype.

Quick Time Events Suck Ass

The first time I ever heard the term Quick Time Event was an hour or so into Final Fantasy 9. QTE's in Final Fantasy 9 were just like little mini games of quick button presses that could earn you items, or reveal tiny pieces of the overall story. Press the buttons in the order that they appear on screen and you can watch Zidane swordfight Blank, or see how the Moogles really deliver mail, but the Quick Time Events were never a big deal, and completely skippable. That sure did change quickly.

Resident Evil has suffered the most from the QTE revolution. Before RE4, I would watch a cutscene where Nemesis smashes through a wall, and when the game resumes, I get to personally blow him the fuck up. Now, an entire boss fight can take place inside the cutscene, from start to finish, with a few button presses prompted instead of actual gameplay. RE2? Grab the rocket launcher, sprint to the other side of the warehouse and unload on Birkin before he catches up to you. RE5? Watch the cutscene as Wesker walks out of the volcano, then press X, watch Chris punch him, then press A to dodge the counter attack. Watch helicopter arrive, press X to kill Wesker, press Y to beat the game.

Quick Time Events are the main reason I skipped the entire God of War series, (that and Greek mythology is getting really fucking boring). I would argue that God of War shouldn't even be considered a video game, because the developers would rather show you what the coolest fight would be, instead of letting you control the battle yourself. The memorable moments are forced on you, when the gamer should be in charge of making the memories. Games are sandboxes or beautiful environments that the player takes control of, not the other way around. Its laziness. Over-budgeted laziness.

The industry seems to be moving away from QTE's, which is a good thing, but games like Resident Evil 6 and Arkham Origins show that not every company has figured it out. We should all be boycotting this nonsense until it goes away completely, and we can enjoy games again by playing games again.

Uncharted 3 Review

2005 was a very special year. I played Bioshock and the very first Mass Effect back to back that year, forever making me one of those annoying, "modern games need interactive stories" assholes. Since then, Uncharted has been a very large elephant sitting in my living room, mocking me, and disproving every piece of nonsense that fell out of my mouth. I have grown up a little, and I don't believe anymore that good games have any sort of predetermined criteria that they must meet in order to be considered amazing. Good games are good games, and each one is different. Uncharted has not one second of interactive story in the trilogy, and it is, without a doubt, one of the greatest video game franchises ever made. It belongs in the conversation with Mario and Final Fantasy, and Nathan Drake will win the day. There isn't anything you can do about it.

Uncharted's charm comes from it's ridiculousness. It seems like a mix between Indiana Jones and Death Wish. Drake hunts treasure all over the globe while fighting rich British women and their hired goons. The next time you play one of the Uncharted games, look for the following silly things;

-Nathan's ability to absorb bullets right into his skin

-Everything Drake touches explodes

-Everything Drake climbs breaks, and then he fucking climbs it anyway

-Drake always has the element of surprise, because the idiot enemies always assume he's dead

Besides being a superhero, Nathan Drake is also a world class parkour champion. In Uncharted 3, he jumpes from cargo box, to jeep, to tethered propane tank THAT ALL HANG MID-AIR OUT THE BACK OF A CARGO PLANE. I am poking slight fun here, but I do not critisize because that would mean I couldn't like Harrison Ford anymore. 

I had a blast with Unch3, shooting Europeans and mastering the stumble-run. The scope of this game is massive, and while I usually don't give two shits about graphics, they stand out here. French jungles, Arab deserts, they all feel real, even if what you're doing in them doesn't. The archaeologist in you will giggle when you unlock a door by way of some elaborate tile puzzle, and the Marcus Fenix in you will nod with manly respect everytime your sniper pistol blows the fuck out of some Brit. Loved this game.

Also, Elena Fisher is back, so that's reason enough to give it a glowing review. She's my flave.

Burial At Sea Review

I finished the first episode of the Bioshock Infinite DLC last night, and even though it was rather short, the story was really really good. Bioshock 2 had, in my opinion, the greatest DLC I've ever downloaded with Minerva's Den, so I had high hopes for Burial at Sea. It was interesting to see how people lived in Rapture, even if it was right before the entire city was destroyed. You also get to fight a Big Daddy, use a new microwave gun, and enjoy a signature Bioshock plot twist.

Rapture had always been kind of a tease. When the original Bioshock begins, the city is already crumbling, with rabid splicers and monsters running around. I always wanted to see how the day to day Rapture was, when it's citizens weren't stabbing each other and hunting little girls to eat their guts. In Burial at Sea, you get to walk around Rapture, listening to average people discuss the minutia of their underwater lives, it's a libertarian paradise. It may sound like a minor thing to experience, but I'm really happy that this DLC gave me what I have been wanting since the very first game, a peek into the madness beforehand.

This new gun is called the Radar Range, and it is super fucking sweet. It cooks your enemy from the inside, causing them to explode, damaging other nearby enemies and covering the room with hot gore. It's got lots of ammo, and kills quick, with the only downside being that you can't loot the bodies of those you've exploded. I love that they added a new weapon that isn't just another scope with bullets. Just don't use it during the Big Daddy fight, it's a waste of time.

You also get the return of my favorite mini boss from Bioshock. Sander Cohen, the eccentric artist is back with another one of his masterpieces. In this DLC, he has a couple dance while he paints them, electrocuting them to death as soon as they make a mistake. He's behind the missing girl that Booker is trying to find. The ending of episode 1 is quite the plot twist, and while I certainly didn't see it coming, this time it was a bit of a head scratcher. I guess that's why there is an episode 2, but I am left feeling a little confused.

Best part about the new DLC!? EL AMMO BANDITO IS BACK! I was in the middle of a huge fight, my shield gone, my back against the wall, out of eve, with just a couple bullets left in my handcannon. Then I hear behind me, that beautiful melodic voice, "me llamo el ammo bandito!" I was saved, and I really, really missed those vending machines. The Circus of Value is still around too, happy day.

Comic Books That Changed Me: Preacher

When I was 14, I was already obsessed with comic books. I had recently stopped my tepid interest in Marvel, and started really falling in love with DC. I quickly became well versed in the DC classics, Red Son, Identity Crisis, Kingdom Come, all the masterpieces, but I had little exposure to any comic books outside of the superhero genre. I picked up Preacher after my very persistent local comic book store clerk recommended it to me, and it forever changed what type of comic book fan I am.

Preacher is visceral, shocking, and very gory. It's an old west gunslinger story that spends most of it's time poking fun at the ridiculousness of religion, (14 year old me ate that shit up). Note that Garth Ennis (the author), is Irish, with a twisted view of the American cowboy. Instead of romanticizing John Wayne, he approaches the Western with a disgusting perspective, taunting the reader's classic view of the old west. Do you think cowboys are cool? Will you still think they are cool after one of them pisses in a dead man's mouth? By the time you finish the series, you will answer yes. 

Preacher blew my mind into outer space when I first read it, and for a decade, I always said Preacher's name first whenever I was asked to list my favorite comic books. I will admit, that I can't honestly say that it's my favorite of all time anymore, (sequential lists are important in our world after all), but the impact that it had on me as a tween was huge. Before Preacher, if you weren't writing for DC or Marvel, I didn't take you seriously, but after Preacher, it was almost the exact opposite. If you want to really celebrate your patriotism, then read Preacher, and remember to actively try to not be offended. You will be anyway.

Apparently, AMC is working on a pilot for Preacher, which is certainly exciting, especially since the Preacher world has been quiet for so fucking long. I'm a little sad, because I know that as soon as the show airs, everyone will be walking around with Fuck Communism lighters, which, just a like a hipster, I kinda don't want them to become popular. 

Also, remember what I said about taking Marvel/DC writers seriously? Well, unbeknownst to some, Garth Ennis had a short run on Punisher back in the day. Find it. Read it. Its awesome.

Best Website Ever

Ever since discovering Jesus-is-lord.com I have spent hours reading it. I have combed through every paragraph, clicked every link, absolutely swallowing the information contained within. This website is a fiery, pro-Jesus love affair that screams in capitol letters about the immeasurable suffering us sinners will experience after our natural deaths. It is written by a very angry, very devout, and very uneducated Christian, who gets mad about something, sits in front of their desk, (which Im assuming is shaped like a fish), hits the caps lock and starts preaching. I absolutely adore this shit.

Jesus-is-Lord.com

Click the link, relax, and enjoy such pictures as the one above, taken directly from this lepton's big Bohemian Grove conspiracy page! You'll learn everything you need to know about how Jesus haters love to have anal sex and sacrifice children to our Satanic masters. Not interested in another Bohemian Grove conspiracy theory? How about a full page about how Catholics are as bad as cannibals? Perhaps you'd enjoy learning about homosexuals' inability to feel true love? It's all there, and if you don't have the time to click every link on the site, (you should really make the time), then here are some wonderful excerpts that I found, and would like to share with you.

WARNING TO CHRISTIANS-- The American school system (public, private, and "Christian") is dangerous. Combine this with the television and you will understand why the children are turning out deficient and full of problems--physical, mental, and spiritual. There are reasons the school system is failing and turning out sots (dull heads), rebels, whoremongers, and freaks--it is by design. Americans were once a strong, independent, rugged, innovative, productive, freedom-loving people. But now look, we are at the bottom of the barrel dependent on someone else for every morsel of food that we eat--let the grocery stores close down and see what happens across this land. Through "progressive" education (progressing toward what?) we have been turned inside out. Americans were in an uproar when the progressives first tried to implement compulsory schooling at the turn of the twentieth century. But now look. We kick our children out the door at five years old (and earlier if Mother works) into "kindergarten". Christians did not belong in the school system in the first place (Deuteronomy 6:6-9)--may the true disciples bail out of that sinking ship and exchange it for a sanctified homeschool under a Biblical Scholarship.

Today, many, many women are entering pulpits, ruling churches, and speaking during the church services (giving announcements, etc.)--this is wrong. Women are to keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak (reference I Corinthians 14:34). No woman should be called pastor, reverend, Adult Sunday School teacher, etc. Even if they have a question, they are to ask their husbands at home for it is a shame for women to speak in the church (reference I Corinthians 14:35). And yet we also learn from the scriptures that daughters are to serve the Lord (there are a diversity of gifts, all to be used decently and in order.).

Atheism, according to Webster's New World Dictionary, is, "the belief that there is no God, or denial that God or gods exist. . An atheist, therefore, is a person who believes that there is no God. But what does the Bible say?

The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God.

PSALMS XIV:I

Atheism is a belief system that ardently denies the existence of God. The Bible teaches that it is the the fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. Many atheists spend much time and effort attempting to "disprove" that God exists. According to Romans chapter 1 they know that He exists, but they want to control their own lives and not submit to the Lord. They are actually rather tragic figures just like any other unsaved individual. It is hard to live out their atheism--if they did, they'd actually be considered crazy like O'Hair (a famous atheist) was (read more about her in this article).

The atheist's RELIGION (which is simply a system of beliefs based on a philosophy) of atheism is simply a way to try to block out and override the truth so that they can do what they feel like doing--the old ostrich-head-in-the-sand technique:

If you try to tell them the truth, they say "Shut up!"
stick their heads in the ground and shout-- "There's nobody there,
there's nobody there,
there's nobody there, I tell you!
See, I can't see them!"

Well, atheist reader, Somebody is there and His truth has stood from the beginning of time and will continue for all eternity. God is not dependent on you in any way. Blasphemies, wars, famines, and political appointments come and go, but when the dust settles, there is the word of God and His holy child, Jesus--and there is nothing that you can do about it but breathe out hot air. You will humble yourself before the Lord Jesus Christ or you will beground to powder (ref. Matthew 21:44; Luke 20:18).

And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.
--Jesus Christ
Matthew 21:44

Most atheists have what I call the Don Quixote Syndrome. Let me explain. Cervantes wrote a book about Don Quixote a long time ago. Don Quixote would attack windmills as if they were his enemies. Of course a windmill is nobody's enemy. If what the atheist believes is REALLY his belief, then he would leave people like me alone. After all, if God did not exist, He and His followers would be no enemy to the atheist. We'd just be deluded people. Therefore IF the atheist REALLY believes there is no God and he attacks a Christian, then he has the Don Quixote Syndrome because the Christian is not his enemy. Nevertheless, God is real and THAT is why atheists have all these organizations and debates to "prove" that God does not exist. Atheist reader, if you would just be true to what you purport to believe, then you wouldn't have the Don Quixote Syndrome.

My old pastor once ministered to an old atheist who had been a card-carrying atheist for decades--but as he laid on his death bed, he wanted a pastor. I don't know if he got saved or not. When it is time to die, many atheists are understandably uneasy and those that are not should be terrified.

There is hope for the atheist. He can be saved. In fact, there are plenty of atheists that have come to Jesus Christ. I refuse to argue with them, but will answer honest questions. Unfortunately, many atheists ignorantly say hard things against the Lord Jesus Christ and His people. Don't let fancy titles andbig words shake your faith in the One who holds your eternal destiny.

Think about this: What does the atheist have to offer anybody? Eternal life? Spiritual comfort? Love? Kindness? Comfort in the midnight hour when no one is around? No, none of these. He has nothing to offer you but blasphemy, hell fire and the wrath of God. The atheist will tell you fabulous fairy taleslike

you were spontaneously generated from a rock,
a monkey is your daddy,
a fish is your cousin,
you have no hope,
you should just live for today,
when you're dead, you're dead.

If you follow their ignorant advice and die without Christ, you WILL forever regret it and you will remember that someone told you the truth and you scoffed.

Atheists try their hardest to argue a self-evident fact--God is real. You cannot look on His creation and its ways and honestly deny it. I won't argue that 2+2=4 and I won't argue that God exists. An atheist once wrote and said, "2+2 is not necessarily 4". Well, write any other number on your math test and see if you get it right.

The bottom line is that atheism is a false belief system composed of fools--it is not new--the Bible told us about atheism thousands of years ago. It seems that these people have told themselves (or been taught) a lie so many times that they begin to believe it's true

Isn't it great? I'll stop ironically loving it (like a hipster) for a sec, and ask a couple of very serious questions here. The entire point of a website like this is to convert the unbelievers, which I'm sure is a noble cause in the author's mind, but what I take offense with is the method of conversion. I'm an atheist, and by definition, it's a conclusion arrived at by way of logic, and lack of holy proof. If you want an atheist to take your message seriously, then citing the bible as your only source of evidence is a waste of your time, and of mine. Non-Christians do not believe in the Bible.

I need more. If Jesus is real, then show me. If hell is real, show me. You don't have to point to it, or hand me a polaroid, but for fuck's sake, give me some sliver of something that isn't quoted from the 1611 version of a book that's sadly trying to grasp a convoluted message given centuries before. I think the bible is nonsense, so, if I am to believe in your universe magician, I need a source other than that one book. Science has lots of books, written by scientists, who tested things, with science.

The real truth here, is that the bible is so often used as a source of Christian information, because it is the only source of Christian information. There isn't anything else. You can't convert non-believers with the bible, and if the bible is the only item you can use to do so, then maybe you should stop trying. At the very least, stop citing quotes from that book as fact, and just give us your opinion. Very, very big difference. 

The Bohemian Grove link from the site, which I promise you, is worth every second you spend on it

Finishing Out The Year

It has been a great year in gaming, and now that The Last of Us is all done, I'm going to close out 2013 with it's two final big releases. (At least in my book). I won't be playing the new Call of Duty, it's time for me to just concede that the Duty movement just isn't for me. I will play Arkham Origins and finish Pokemon Y though, which are big deals in my little world, but I'm also playing Uncharted 3, which I missed the first time around. Just like 1 and 2, I love it so far, even if the game still refuses to admit that Nathan Drake has a superpower. You know, the invulnerability. 

I'm about 7 hours into Arkham Origins, and I keep drowning in disappointment, then resurfacing impressed. It feels like an expansion pack sometimes, as I run around collecting Riddler clues in the same exact environments as Arkham City. On the same fucking rooftops! And then you unlock the Shock Gloves and giggle as the monotonous fights get a little easier to bear. I'll do a full review when I finish.

And this is a new trainer that you can battle in the middle of a dark swamp in Pokemon Y. Go to route 14 and see for yourself, seriously. Do it.

Pokemon Y: Update

I just roller skated into Lumiose City for the 2nd time, having now restored power to it's Eiffel Tower. I'm five badges in and at lvl 50, here are some more NPCs to celebrate the halfway point. (Again, all shot with my phone while I'm playing, so the quality is not quite blah blah blah)

The French are truly better than us. Really they are.

I remember thinking when I took this picture that it's so funny out of context, but I have since forgotten that context, and can't imagine what it could have been.

I'm always especially on the lookout for anything that the word dick can be substituted for.

This guy is Clement, and was supposedly a tough gym leader, but with three electric types that just use Thunderbolt, he's easy to plan around.

The Last of Us: Review

Naughty Dog has achieved such great success because (in my opinion), they take every good idea that the industry has come up with, and throws them all together in a single game. The Last of Us is the best example of this so far, and with very few flaws to find, not only cements itself as the best game Naughty Dog has made, but may be one of the best video games of the current generation.

Every single second of The Last of Us feels familiar, from the Dead Space style power node/shiv system, to the Uncharted duck and cover 1 vs.1000 gunplay. This game feels like a 3D Metroid when my flashlight is out, but also has a Dead Rising-esque workbench where I can make a baseball-bat-sword. Boston reminds me of a Half-Life 2 city, while the open Pittsburgh is very Fallout-y. The only thing beyond comparison, that is truly unique, is the writing. The story in The Last of Us is top-notch, and with all these great ideas complementing it, truly memorable.

It was very interesting going from the "I've got something important to say about America" Bioshock Infinite, which spent 10 hours almost breaking the 4th wall, to The Last of Us, which focuses more on a single man, and less on the apocalyptic world that he is struggling inside of. Now, while I think I like Bioshock Infinite more, I do appreciate the change of pace with Joel, a man who, unlike Booker DeWitt, genuinely cares about the people around him. One way or the other. 

Every other review you read about this game will go into how technically flawless The Last of Us is, or how it's an action packed emotional roller coaster, but I want you to play it for the story it tells. The Last of Us is about fatherhood, keeping calm when danger is near, and morals where there shouldn't be any. I promise, that after the credits roll, you'll be talking to your friends exclusively about Joel and Ellie, not giving a fuck about the gunplay. 

Let's Talk About Healthcare

I was so excited for the Kathleen Sebelius hearing. I anticipated it for days, making sure I wasn't working, recording it for viewing during Oliver's nap time, I even had coffee and a bagel ready. I love these hearings because Republicans love these hearings. They like to make lots of inaccurate pop culture references, and spring rigid bigot boners as they ask a lot of irrelevant hypothetical questions. This hearing wasn't nearly as exciting as Chuck Hagel's was, but I did hear a common theme in the questions from Obamacare detractors. Obamacare takes away choices.

I heard it over and over, with my brow furrowing a little more each time, Republicans actually upset that their choices are being limited. Aside from the fact that the Affordable Care Act does the exact opposite, Republicans don't seem to mind limiting choices on family planning, banning abortion and shutting down clinics wherever they can. They don't seem to mind limiting the American citizen's energy choices, fighting the electric car at every turn, screaming about the jobs that Keystone would make as they furlough 800,000 government workers. They don't seem to mind limiting choices on education, opposing universal pre-k, and slashing public school funding. Republicans certainly don't want immigrants having choices, or southern blacks and hispanics having a choice of when and where to vote. Republicans hate giving LGTB tax payers the choice to get married. Or in Virginia, the governor there wants you to have no choice but to submit to two ultrasounds before getting an abortion, even if your doctor says that it isn't medically necessary and you don't want to. In my home state of Oklahoma, Senator Coburn wants to force you to file a police report if you have a miscarriage that isn't in front of a doctor, or face jail time, no choice there.

This weird Republican habit of screaming freedom while trying their best to take it away is what makes these waste of time hearings so much fun. They don't care about choices, they care about their money, and now that the Affordable Care Act gives the 47 million Americans teetering on poverty a real chance to live medically insured lives, I'll take old grumpy white racists being angry as a good sign.