Rudolph has a liberal message

Oliver has been watching a lot of Christmas classics lately. He loves Frosty, How the Grinch Stole Christmas and the Animaniacs Christmas special, but the old movie he loves the most is Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Ollie's obsession with Rudolph is actually getting a little out of hand, he watches the old claymation 3-5 times daily, and just received a rather expensive Rudolph doll from Build-A-Bear because they make the front window displays irresistible to children suffering from specific toy addictions.

Despite the financial expense my son's new fandom causes me, I am very happy with his decision. The Rudolph story that this particular movie presents is a thing of Democratic beauty. Oliver learned what the word "independent" means, and the snowman even calls Rudolph's nose a "non-conformity". This version of the Rudolph story isn't just about celebrating uniqueness, but the entrenching of that moral when it faces wide ridicule. Rudolph's father is an image-concerned asshole, and even Santa is a dick, but Rudolph takes a swing at life alone, nose glowing in his dad's intolerant face, a middle finger to the sky.

When I watch Oliver watch Rudolph, little daydreams brew inside my head of watching Dr. Strangelove with him, or brewing some hot cocoa and discussing Farenheit 451. Maybe I should relax a little and just take the immediate solace in the fact that Oliver at least seems to enjoy a good story more than fancy special effects. That certainly makes me proud on it's own.

Thanksgiving

There are lots of things that I don't like about Thanksgiving, like the lies, the racism, and the vegan movement, but I have always liked the saying what you're thankful for part, no matter how cliche it has become. It adds a small amount of perspective on the year you've had, so here is a random list of stuff I'm thankful for.

Im thankful for

-Blastoise

-My son's new obsession with TMNT

-The Dallas Cowboys

-President Obama

-This blog's success

-political nonsense

-Sam Adam's variety packs

-toy commercials

-pregnancy

Also, these guys, are kind of important to me, and make these holidays so much better then they ever were before.

Pokemon Y Update: Psychic Gym and The Bad Guy

I finally got through the mega lame Frost Cavern and arrived in Anistar City. I entered the Psychic Gym and fought this cougar, Olympia in one hell of a fun gym battle. The game got a little tedious with the last two city leaders, but this Psychic gym was traditional, fun, and difficult.

I kept the 3D on for the Psychic gym, because it looked really cool. It was sadly straightforward though, which just made me daydream about those classic Sabrina gyms, with the tricky teleports. However, Olympia's pokemon are tough, and my Gengar died early, causing a slight panic.

Upon leaving the gym, the story becomes unexpectedly upbeat, and you get the official notice that Lysandre is a bad guy. I'm sure none of us saw it coming.

Mega Gengar is the shit though, and now with Blastoise and Blaziken, he has joined my other mega ring users. I need a Mareep really bad.

Pokemon Y just got interesting again, even if just a little. Lysandre Labs is a cool dungeon, with a throwback arrow tile system that sends you spinning all over the place. It's fun, but I'm starting to suspect that the plot won't be living up to the hype.

Quick Time Events Suck Ass

The first time I ever heard the term Quick Time Event was an hour or so into Final Fantasy 9. QTE's in Final Fantasy 9 were just like little mini games of quick button presses that could earn you items, or reveal tiny pieces of the overall story. Press the buttons in the order that they appear on screen and you can watch Zidane swordfight Blank, or see how the Moogles really deliver mail, but the Quick Time Events were never a big deal, and completely skippable. That sure did change quickly.

Resident Evil has suffered the most from the QTE revolution. Before RE4, I would watch a cutscene where Nemesis smashes through a wall, and when the game resumes, I get to personally blow him the fuck up. Now, an entire boss fight can take place inside the cutscene, from start to finish, with a few button presses prompted instead of actual gameplay. RE2? Grab the rocket launcher, sprint to the other side of the warehouse and unload on Birkin before he catches up to you. RE5? Watch the cutscene as Wesker walks out of the volcano, then press X, watch Chris punch him, then press A to dodge the counter attack. Watch helicopter arrive, press X to kill Wesker, press Y to beat the game.

Quick Time Events are the main reason I skipped the entire God of War series, (that and Greek mythology is getting really fucking boring). I would argue that God of War shouldn't even be considered a video game, because the developers would rather show you what the coolest fight would be, instead of letting you control the battle yourself. The memorable moments are forced on you, when the gamer should be in charge of making the memories. Games are sandboxes or beautiful environments that the player takes control of, not the other way around. Its laziness. Over-budgeted laziness.

The industry seems to be moving away from QTE's, which is a good thing, but games like Resident Evil 6 and Arkham Origins show that not every company has figured it out. We should all be boycotting this nonsense until it goes away completely, and we can enjoy games again by playing games again.

Uncharted 3 Review

2005 was a very special year. I played Bioshock and the very first Mass Effect back to back that year, forever making me one of those annoying, "modern games need interactive stories" assholes. Since then, Uncharted has been a very large elephant sitting in my living room, mocking me, and disproving every piece of nonsense that fell out of my mouth. I have grown up a little, and I don't believe anymore that good games have any sort of predetermined criteria that they must meet in order to be considered amazing. Good games are good games, and each one is different. Uncharted has not one second of interactive story in the trilogy, and it is, without a doubt, one of the greatest video game franchises ever made. It belongs in the conversation with Mario and Final Fantasy, and Nathan Drake will win the day. There isn't anything you can do about it.

Uncharted's charm comes from it's ridiculousness. It seems like a mix between Indiana Jones and Death Wish. Drake hunts treasure all over the globe while fighting rich British women and their hired goons. The next time you play one of the Uncharted games, look for the following silly things;

-Nathan's ability to absorb bullets right into his skin

-Everything Drake touches explodes

-Everything Drake climbs breaks, and then he fucking climbs it anyway

-Drake always has the element of surprise, because the idiot enemies always assume he's dead

Besides being a superhero, Nathan Drake is also a world class parkour champion. In Uncharted 3, he jumpes from cargo box, to jeep, to tethered propane tank THAT ALL HANG MID-AIR OUT THE BACK OF A CARGO PLANE. I am poking slight fun here, but I do not critisize because that would mean I couldn't like Harrison Ford anymore. 

I had a blast with Unch3, shooting Europeans and mastering the stumble-run. The scope of this game is massive, and while I usually don't give two shits about graphics, they stand out here. French jungles, Arab deserts, they all feel real, even if what you're doing in them doesn't. The archaeologist in you will giggle when you unlock a door by way of some elaborate tile puzzle, and the Marcus Fenix in you will nod with manly respect everytime your sniper pistol blows the fuck out of some Brit. Loved this game.

Also, Elena Fisher is back, so that's reason enough to give it a glowing review. She's my flave.

Burial At Sea Review

I finished the first episode of the Bioshock Infinite DLC last night, and even though it was rather short, the story was really really good. Bioshock 2 had, in my opinion, the greatest DLC I've ever downloaded with Minerva's Den, so I had high hopes for Burial at Sea. It was interesting to see how people lived in Rapture, even if it was right before the entire city was destroyed. You also get to fight a Big Daddy, use a new microwave gun, and enjoy a signature Bioshock plot twist.

Rapture had always been kind of a tease. When the original Bioshock begins, the city is already crumbling, with rabid splicers and monsters running around. I always wanted to see how the day to day Rapture was, when it's citizens weren't stabbing each other and hunting little girls to eat their guts. In Burial at Sea, you get to walk around Rapture, listening to average people discuss the minutia of their underwater lives, it's a libertarian paradise. It may sound like a minor thing to experience, but I'm really happy that this DLC gave me what I have been wanting since the very first game, a peek into the madness beforehand.

This new gun is called the Radar Range, and it is super fucking sweet. It cooks your enemy from the inside, causing them to explode, damaging other nearby enemies and covering the room with hot gore. It's got lots of ammo, and kills quick, with the only downside being that you can't loot the bodies of those you've exploded. I love that they added a new weapon that isn't just another scope with bullets. Just don't use it during the Big Daddy fight, it's a waste of time.

You also get the return of my favorite mini boss from Bioshock. Sander Cohen, the eccentric artist is back with another one of his masterpieces. In this DLC, he has a couple dance while he paints them, electrocuting them to death as soon as they make a mistake. He's behind the missing girl that Booker is trying to find. The ending of episode 1 is quite the plot twist, and while I certainly didn't see it coming, this time it was a bit of a head scratcher. I guess that's why there is an episode 2, but I am left feeling a little confused.

Best part about the new DLC!? EL AMMO BANDITO IS BACK! I was in the middle of a huge fight, my shield gone, my back against the wall, out of eve, with just a couple bullets left in my handcannon. Then I hear behind me, that beautiful melodic voice, "me llamo el ammo bandito!" I was saved, and I really, really missed those vending machines. The Circus of Value is still around too, happy day.

Comic Books That Changed Me: Preacher

When I was 14, I was already obsessed with comic books. I had recently stopped my tepid interest in Marvel, and started really falling in love with DC. I quickly became well versed in the DC classics, Red Son, Identity Crisis, Kingdom Come, all the masterpieces, but I had little exposure to any comic books outside of the superhero genre. I picked up Preacher after my very persistent local comic book store clerk recommended it to me, and it forever changed what type of comic book fan I am.

Preacher is visceral, shocking, and very gory. It's an old west gunslinger story that spends most of it's time poking fun at the ridiculousness of religion, (14 year old me ate that shit up). Note that Garth Ennis (the author), is Irish, with a twisted view of the American cowboy. Instead of romanticizing John Wayne, he approaches the Western with a disgusting perspective, taunting the reader's classic view of the old west. Do you think cowboys are cool? Will you still think they are cool after one of them pisses in a dead man's mouth? By the time you finish the series, you will answer yes. 

Preacher blew my mind into outer space when I first read it, and for a decade, I always said Preacher's name first whenever I was asked to list my favorite comic books. I will admit, that I can't honestly say that it's my favorite of all time anymore, (sequential lists are important in our world after all), but the impact that it had on me as a tween was huge. Before Preacher, if you weren't writing for DC or Marvel, I didn't take you seriously, but after Preacher, it was almost the exact opposite. If you want to really celebrate your patriotism, then read Preacher, and remember to actively try to not be offended. You will be anyway.

Apparently, AMC is working on a pilot for Preacher, which is certainly exciting, especially since the Preacher world has been quiet for so fucking long. I'm a little sad, because I know that as soon as the show airs, everyone will be walking around with Fuck Communism lighters, which, just a like a hipster, I kinda don't want them to become popular. 

Also, remember what I said about taking Marvel/DC writers seriously? Well, unbeknownst to some, Garth Ennis had a short run on Punisher back in the day. Find it. Read it. Its awesome.