Pokemaniacs who played Black/White were surprised to see the Pokemon world actually ask an interesting question for a change, should Pokemon really be fighting each other at our command? What's the difference between dog fighting and Poke battles? Well, game designer Mattie Brice had a pretty revolutionary idea recently, exploring the similarities of Pokemon Training, and good old fashioned American slavery.
The Pokemon Unchained project is simple, play through any Pokemon game, catching only the first Pokemon you encounter in each area. Next, you must nickname every catch, and when they faint in battle, they are dead, remove them from your party never to return. The biggest key, is to play the game and replace the word "Trainer" with "Master", and "Pokemon" with "Slave, everytime you run across those words. The results are fucking intense. You'll get conversations like:
“Team Plasma’s ideal… Separating people and slaves… It’s exactly the same as not having slaves in this world at all. That bunch is a waste of oxygen.” ~Cheren
"What right does he have to do that? If slaves weren’t happy with masters, why aren’t they all rising up and catching us?"
“Slaves are wonderful. It’s not how cute they can be, but also how much you can depend on them…” ~Elisa
We are all growing older, and if we continue to be Pokemon fans, then we must grow our perception of the world we love as well. Let's be honest, we catch wild animals by force, (some can fucking talk) and force them to complete in a blood sport against their will for cash and social prestige. Pokemon trainers need to come to terms with the evil that we have all committed, and stop treating Team Plasma like a group of eco-terrorists and start respecting them as the abolitionists that they are.
Psychonauts, Brutal Legend, Costume Quest, Stacking, Middle Manager of Justice, Iron Brigade, The Cave
Tim Schafer is a video game genius, and his team at Double Fine have been making truly unique games. What I like about Mr. Schafer, is that unlike the other great gaming minds of our day, he never lost that boyhood love of adventure, and all of his games reflect it. Costume Quest being my favorite, is an rpg that takes place during Halloween, where the children really believe that they are what they are dressed as. Schafer came from LucasArts, and his success got him ship jumpers from Capcom, and The Grim Fandango team. Every game that his name attached to it immediately gets my attention, and Double Fine Adventure, his new point and click, is due to release any day now.
Bioware
Shattered Steel, Jade empire, Mass Effect Series, Baldur's Gate series, Dragon Age series
Bioware was started by three med-students who took a little bit of programming in college. What I love about this company, and what should grab your attention is that they listen to their fans. In an industry with companies like Nintendo who couldn't give a shit less what we actually want, Bioware opened up their forums, read every single comment and criticism about Mass Effect, and fucking changed the game accordingly. Not to mention that when everyone freaked the fuck out at the sight of the shitty ending for ME3, they changed it.
Sid Meier is another one of those gaming geniuses that I mentioned when talking about Tim Schafer. Sid's team Firaxis has been around since 96, and have been crafting the greatest sim and strategy games for 17 years. Despite losing some of their better minds to the Spore project, Firaxis made Civilization Revolution for the 360, (my lady's favorite game) and the unbelievable, and in my opinion, greatest RTS ever made, Xcom: Enemy Unknown. There are some truly innovative things that come out of Firaxis every year, and it behooves you to pay attention to them.
Bethesda
Elder Scrolls series, Fallout series
Before Oblivion, I considered Japan to be the makers of great rpg's, not America. After I played Fallout 3, well, I have looked down at Japan snobbily ever since. Bethesda changed the way the sandbox rpg should play, and set a new standard for western rpg storytelling. Now, Im one of those weird guys who love Fallout more, but the Elder Scrolls series is the premiere sword and sorcery game out there. There isn't much I can say about Bethesda that you don't already know, but let us try one piece of random trivia, did you know that Bethesda actually made two drag racing games? I'll bet you didn't, and until five minutes ago, either did I.
Valve
Half-Life series, Portal series, Steam, Left 4 Dead series, Team Fortress, Counter Strike
Founded by Microsoft employees, Valve took a very crowded industry and forced its will upon gamers. They made their own distribution service, and made it successful with top tier games. Half-Life changed FPS, Counter Strike changed online FPS, Portal changed puzzle gaming, Left 4 Dead changed the zombie game genre. Every game they make has a huge impact on the industry, and Steam continues to be consistently rated higher than Playstation Network, Virtual Console and Xbox Live.
Rockstar
Grand Theft Auto series, Manhunt, State of Emergency, Bully, Red Dead Redemption, Max Payne series, L.A. Noire, Midnight Club, the Warriors
I love Rockstar Games because of their philosophy. They have, in numerous interviews, stated outright that they intentionally avoid making FPS games. They strive to be unique, they aim to be different. They also encourage controversy. Grand Theft Auto is by far, the most controversial gaming franchise ever, and to this day people still freak the fuck out about it's insane violence. Instead of going over the top with the shock value of it's brands, Rockstar instead put more of an emphasis on the storytelling, making you want to play Grand Theft Auto not because you want to piss off your dad, but because they are a blast to play. Also, L.A. Noire is the best mystery game that I have ever played, and thats saying something.
CD Projekt RED
Witcher series, Cyberpunk 2077
CD Projekt is a Polish company based in Warsaw that translates video games into Polish, a huge undertaking and responsible for the continuing European gaming boom. After making buckets and buckets of money, they decided to start making games of their own, so they started CD Projekt RED and they made The Witcher. Then they made The Witcher 2, and got everyone's attention. This company is new and weird yes, but the fact that the Witcher 2 is so fucking good, makes this a very interesting and exciting company to watch. Now that they've got their confidence, they are going to start doing some projects other than The Witcher, and I can't wait to play them.
Usually, I hate difficulty achievements, especially with role playing games. However, The Witcher 2 adds a few extra incentives for those who want to brave Dark Mode. Each chapter in this brutal difficulty setting has a set of armor exclusive to Dark Mode, and while these three armor sets are certainly the most powerful in the entire game, they are a bitch to get.
So far, Dark Mode really sucks. Im trying to get a bunch of achievements on my 2nd playthrough, so Im focusing on alchemy instead of swordsmanship, and that means, I die a lot. Nekkers kill in two hits, humans seem to be the easiest lot to kill, but if there are three at once, you better stick and move. I tried killing the Flotsam troll, (another achievement), and he killed me in a single punch. Every fight is potential death, which can get frustrating sometimes, but the constant state of awareness it forces upon you is kinda fun. Im confident that things will get easier as I progress, (with each new perk comes new options and methods of dispatching foes), but the very first chapter is a steep climb.
The first armor set is The Blasphemor's set, and it is crazy difficult to craft. It requires thousands of orens, a shit-ton of diagrams, and an unreasonable amount of studded leather. What this means, is that in the very first chapter, with no accumulated wealth, no rich-quick exploits, you have to resort to Nekker farming. Nekkers in dark mode will kill you super fast, (especially the warriors), so farming them becomes a slow-paced frequently saving ordeal, but the reward is worth it.
So far, I've clocked 8 hours into this Dark Mode playthrough, and I still don't have the cash for the first set of exclusive armor. Im dedicated though, so if you haven't already, find me on Xbox live and you can share my joy with me when I finally conquer this amazing game's amazingly hard dark mode.
I was born in 87, so I really didn't get any exposure whatsoever to the big arcade movement. The arcades that I remember, (quite fondly), were the hi-tech, financially risky arcades of the 90's. I'm not one of those gamers that wishes they were born earlier, truth be told, we are currently in the greatest gaming era so far, but I am saddened a little that I wasn't old enough to enjoy the arcade at it's peak popularity. Fuck, to be a pinball wizard in the 80's, with a shitty haircut, popped collar and nacho greased fingers, I would have been an arcade god.
My favorite arcade cabinet ever is Silent Scope. It was also the first game I remember getting the #1 high score on. I would rush to the Harlem Irving Plaza every friday after school to see if some jackass had topped me. The game demanded precision, patience, and the lack of morals required to blow the president's head off. I loved, and maybe, just maybe, TWL is still atop the charts after all these years. I'd love to go check.
Gauntlet was a game I had for the nintendo, and I never quite understood it's popularity. That was until I got a chance to play the cabinet in a shitty undergound arcade in high school. It's brutally hard, but the great thing about it was that strangers could join in for just a quarter. Making friends while trying to wade through enemy packed dungeons with wizards shitting fireballs at you was an absolute blast. It also, in my opinion, has the coolest art of any machine.
My son Oliver playing an old Namco Speed Up cabinet. His skill will grow with time, for sure.
Oliver playing the super rare, and super awesome Elevator Action cabinet.
And of course, I can't forget Burger Time. When I lived in Boystown in Chicago, the little mexican restaurant around the corner from me had a Burger Time cabinet that you could play while waiting for your food. Burger Time is unique, making you walk across lettuce and tomatoes and meat to build a burger before the weiners got you. Is a hotdog about to grab you? Hit that motherfucker with some pepper and stun his delicious ass. Classic.
I belong to a group of liberals who enjoy the comedy of politics more than anything. I like republicans, especially the dumb intolerant ones. You have to laugh at politicians like these, because if you spend any real time thinking about what they're saying, you'll drive yourself furious with anger. Also, I know that I said in an earlier post that I would never make this blog political, but like all ten of these leeches, I'm a fucking hypocrite. So, here they are, my ten favorite hatemongers, in reverse order of course!
10. Bobby Jindal
Bobby Jindal is a weird republican. He is currently governor of Louisiana, his parents are Indian immigrants, he converted to Catholicism from Hinduism and he has a thick Swamp People southern accent. Aside from being a weird motherfucker, Bobby opposes abortion, same sex marriage and FLAG BURNING. Thats an issue? How? However, Bobby knows who's pocket he's in, so he is fighting hard for gun rights. Don't you love it when republicans argue that gun rights are protected by the constitution, but then try to ban abortion and free speech, WHICH IS ALSO PROTECTED BY THE CONSTITUTION. Oh yeah, #1 weirdest thing about Mr. Jindal, his real name is Piyush, he changed it to Bobby to make it to a political office. Bravo.
Best Quote:
9. Donald Trump
Now, Trump is in fact, fucking insane, but he is only technically a republican. Michelle Bachmann wanted him as her vice president candidate, which would make one assume he's super GOP, but he has been on record, several times blasting George W. Now, before you applaud the man with the beautiful cotton-candy-made-of-piss hair, remember, this is the man who still, to this day claims that Obama is a muslim and not an american citizen.
Best Quote: "A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate."
8. John McCain
I almost legitimately like John McCain, and not in a sarcastic way. He flips fellow senators off, and routinely uses profanity to express his anger. What's not to like? Oh yeah, the surge in Afghanistan was his baby, he opposes Barrack on every issue simply because the president's name is on it, reamed his former colleague Chuck Hagel when Chuck raised reasonable doubts about entering unnecessary war, and he hates Mexicans. John McCain was a prisoner of war at one point where his balls got fish hooked, he deserves respect for his service, but political office was a really, really bad idea.
Before his 2013 Watergate, I was seriously afraid of this man. He had that slick, "it isn't obvious I'm evil" republican attitude about him. His speeches are deceptively calm and reasonable, getting you to subliminally agree with him while omitting that he wants to raise the retirement age, get rid of property taxes entirely, and while publicly stating that he supports the Violence Against Women Act, he secretly voted against it. He's pro-life (I hate calling it that), pro-guns, pro- patriot act wire taps and called Obama's administration a bunch of "radical islamic terrorists". Before he became a laughing stock, this gentleman was one scary douche. Oh yeah, that middle class neighborhood he screamed that he was from? He sold that house to move into a gated white community in DC.
Best Quote: "I love what Barack Obama's candidacy says about America. I just fear what his candidacy would do to America," he said. "To leave our children with a centrally planned socialist economy is not a better plan."
6. Michelle Bachmann
The highest ranking female member of the Tea Party Movement, and Minnesota Congresswoman, Michelle is also an Evangelical Lutheran, (a sect of Christianity near and dear to my atheist heart), although she removed herself from the church two weeks before running for president. In her college years, she prayed and assaulted citizens outside of abortion clinics, and has been screaming at the top of her lungs that global warming is a fairy tale. She also publicly stated that she believes Hillary Clinton is a member of the Muslim Brotherhood. Michelle is also a supporter of teaching Creationism to our children alongside Evolution, stating the ridiculous sentence, "there is a controversy among scientists about whether evolution is a fact or not.... There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design."
Michelle and her church believe that the pope is the anti-christ, so hey, we agree on something.
Best quote: "Public schools would have to teach that homosexuality and same-sex marriage are normal, natural and that maybe children should try them."
5. Lindsey Graham
Senator Graham from South Carolina is the only politician currently in office who has been given a 0% rating by The Human Rights Campaign. Why? Well, he believes in absolutely no rights whatsoever for any enemy combatant we capture and he also believes, get ready for it, that we should amend the constitution to make the children of illegal immigrants that are born here, also considered illegal immigrants. He wants to deport children born in this country! What. The. Fuck. Also, he originally supported a climate change bill alongside John Kerry, but withdrew his support when Kerry and Obama refused to endorse the cruel Arizona immigration laws. He opposes same sex marriage, and same sex adoption, signing laws that ban both.
Best quote: "When they say, ‘I want my lawyer,’ you tell them: ‘Shut up. You don’t get a lawyer. You are an enemy combatant, and we are going to talk to you about why you joined Al Qaeda.’"
4. Charlton Heston
Although he did star in one of my favorite movies, Heston is a douchebag for showing up to do an NRA rally in Littleton Colorado after the Columbine massacre despite pleas from grieving families not to appear. He calls out hispanics and blacks for waging a war on white people, and although he defends free speech regardless of what is being said, he spearheaded Time Warner's banning of Ice T's classic album Cop Killer. Another gun toting white racist afraid of the all scary black man.
Best quote: "... Now his positions track the N.R.A.'s. Trigger locks? "A ludicrous invention. If you can't put it on a weapon without taking the bullets out, why put it on?" A five-day waiting period? "It's hard for me to accept that a guy says, 'I'm going to kill that s.o.b., but, darn, I have this five-day waiting period.' He probably still wants to kill him after five days." Ban Saturday-night specials? "The black and Hispanic women who clean office buildings until 3 a.m. and then walk home – of course, they want a handgun in their purse." Limit purchases to one gun a month? "It's the camel's nose in the tent. Look at Stalin, Mussolini, Hitler, Mao Zedong, Pol Pot, Idi Amin – every one of these monsters, on seizing power, their first act was to confiscate all firearms in private hands. ..."
3. Ann Coulter
Ann Coulter is usually every liberal's favorite punching bag, but I hesitate to to get angry, seeing how that's exactly how she makes her money. With books like, "If liberals had any brains they'd be republicans", and "How to talk to a liberal", Ann relishes in stirring up the pot, and seriously enjoys being controversial. This makes her a bitch without morals, and her motivations also make her beliefs suspect. Ann lives to make us upset, so it's easy to laugh her off, but what makes that impossible sometimes are her blatantly racist and homophobic statements that she just loves chuckling on national television. I hope you enjoy this clip as much as I did.
Best quote: "The gays have got to be pro-life," and "As soon as they find the gay gene, guess who the liberal yuppies are gonna start aborting?"
2. Dubya
Now, we all know that George is the king of dumb quotes, but what makes him one of my favorites is how consistently he shocks me. From his outright opposition to gay marriage, his profiting from war, his pardoning of child molesters to his personal responsibility for the deaths of thousands of american soldiers he sent to die based on a lie, George Bush is indeed the real life manifestation of Darth Vader. Unlike most of my libby friends, I do not believe that Bush orchestrated the 9/11 attacks, but I do believe he pounced on the opportunity to construct the great Iraq lie to get support for his war. Fuck you George, I will miss you dearly.
Best quote: "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
1. Herman Cain
This blog is called Poke'dad, which means that I am a pokemon fanatic. Herman Cain quoted the Pokemon Movie 2000 in a campaign speech. Thats what got my attention in the first place, and boy was I showered with beautiful republican bullshit afterwards. After being accused of sexual harassment by dozens of women, Herman defended himself by saying, "I value my character and my integrity more than anything else. And for every one person that comes forward with a false accusation, there are probably, there are thousands who would say none of that sort of activity ever came from Herman Cain.” He talks about himself in the 3rd person, and defends his sexual harassment of women by using ratios! So of course, I was devastated when intelligent people stopped supporting him and he lost the GOP nomination. I was even sadder upon hearing that he would not, in fact, be running for Georgia senator. However, he has just been hired as Fox new's newest correspondent. Yay! I leave you with, what possibly is, the greatest political quote of our generation. Enjoy.
While playing Pokemon White 2, I've noticed some weird dialogue, so whenever I came across something not quite normal, I took a picture of it with my cell phone. Sorry about the quality, if it bothers you, then fuck off.
I don't remember exactly what motivated me to watch Firefly originally, but I do remember being absolutely blown away by just how good this show was from the very first episode. Firefly had already been canceled by the time I got around to seeing it, and honestly, the premise sounded kinda stupid to me at first. A western in space? China and America merge cultures? But Joss Whedon is a genius, and he had done Buffy (which I loved), so I gave it a chance, and my world was forever changed for the better.
What makes Firefly so great is exactly what makes Star Wars and Star Trek so great too, it's the message. Sure, there are cool characters, and an awesome ship, but there is a very sincere comment about society in this series, the idea that just because technology advances doesn't necessarily mean that humanity's problems go away. There is still rape, murder, and unethical class exploitation, especially amongst the pioneer population of this new star system. Firefly is written to be very funny, and these problems always have a way of killing our mood at a moment's notice, making us really deal with the harshness of this way of living. The fact that Whedon chose to not include any aliens in the show only accentuates this feeling, because the really bad guys are people, they are us, and nothing is more evil than human nature.
I know I said that the characters aren't the biggest reason the series is so good, but they are a close second. The Enterprise's crew has a hard time holding a candle to just how well-rounded Firefly's crew is. Captain Mal is so unpredictable, I found myself gasping at least once an episode as he provides shock after shock. Joss was quoted as saying, "Firefly is about 9 people looking into the blackness of space and seeing 9 different things." And that's definately the best description of the show's cast. Everyone has a favorite, (mine will always be Wash), but together they form such a tight and loving family that they are impossible not to like. No character is any less important than any other, and no other show has ever been able to achieve that.
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Firefly is cleverly written and seriously funny. Remember how the BSG writers got around cursing? Well, in the Firefly universe, since China and America are the only two surviving superpowers, everyone speaks Chinese and English. So, when a sentence needs a curse word or two in it, the character simply says the bad stuff in Chinese, avoiding the bleep. Its very funny, and it works so well in avoiding the 4th wall shattering censors. The dialogue is so sharp and hilarious, that every single character has comedic moments. That isn't to say that there aren't serious moments. Quite the opposite, (especially in the movie), Firefly drips with sadness and anger, and every such instance feels authentic. The show also boasts probably the best score for a tv show ever composed, along with one hell of a catchy theme song that sums up the entire premise perfectly.
I love Firefly and I am saddened every time I think about how short it's run is. With just 14 episodes and a movie, it makes such an impact then is gone just as quickly. If you haven't already, go watch it, and the next time someone asks you if you're a Trekkie or a Jedi, respond "Im a Browncoat", and feel the sentimentality wash over you. Best sci-fi show ever.
