Pokemon types don't make any sense

 So, before I start with the type combos that don't make sense, let us give credit to the ones that do. Electric is super effective against water, that makes sense right? Water conducts electricity very well, so electrocuting a being primarily made of water or water-based would probably fuck it up, I have no problem there. Fire is crazy effective against grass, I have no problem with that, trees burn, that shit makes sense. Also, fire is super effective when used against ice pokemon, that also makes sense as ice is frozen and heat makes frozen things melt. Water is effective against fire, another good one. 

And......thats it, all the other type combos and their effectiveness make zero common sense. Take psychic for example, why are they so good against fighting pokemon? Fighting pokemon train and hone their physical and mental disciplines, making them probably the best suited for fighting off mental intrusion. I would think that fire pokemon would be the hardest to hurt with a psychic attack, as their chaotic nature would make their minds hard to attack. Water and grass are super effective against rock, but where's the logic in that? Water at best could erode a rock after a couple millenia, and shooting leaves at a rock would have a more useless effect.

Why, why does poor Machoke lose in this fight? Because Pidgeot can fly? Again, Machoke is a dexterous, disciplined martial artist, who would have ZERO problem swatting a bird out of the air during a fight with it. And with flying pokemon, why are they weak to electricity? Birds live in harmony with weather, and have no bigger disadvantage than any other pokemon type when it comes to lightning. It would make much more sense to maybe give steel pokemon a weakness to lightning, you know, because METAL CONDUCTS ELECTRICITY.

Why are psychics uneffective against ghosts? Why does a dragon die if I throw ice at it? The system isn't broken I guess, it just never made sense to begin with.

Turns out Dawnguard only kinda sucks

So I wanted to go back and purchase all of the Skyrim DLC that I didn't get to the first time around, and when I started Dawnguard, I immediately thought, "This is a waste of time." I can comfortably say now that I have sunk about 6 hours into it, that it isn't a super waste of time or anything, just kinda boring. They are introducing an interesting plot, so I'll stick with it just to see what happens, (and it cost 15$).

The big gimmick of this DLC is that you get to play as this guy, the Vampire Lord, by choosing to side with Harkon and his Vampire court. You transform into him at will, using his claws and magic to rip apart enemies, and even has it's own skill tree. Thats cool and all, but there were at least 15 times that I couldn't get through a doorway while I was transformed, and you can't pick up items as the Super Vamp. It's a shallow addition, and the fact that I already can't stand any type of vampires just makes me impatient.

The unforgivable crime committed by Bethesda with this DLC is the sprawling new Soul Cairn area. It's a vast desert with wandering souls and a cool horse you can quest to own. The place reminds me of the Fade in Dragon Age, which isn't a good thing. I've been fetch questing in the Cairn for hours now, and an hour of that was lost wandering.

So, it's gimmicky, but the story is grand, so Dawnguard isn't all bad, I just miss Bethesda's magnificent Fallout 3 dlc's I guess.

Video Games are Rock and Roll

 Remember Columbine? That was the first time that I personally remember video games being scapegoated after a tragic mass shooting. It has happened a lot more since then, and it's being talked about again after Sandy Hook, right on schedule. Video games make bad parents nervous, and their continuing ignorance on the subject makes video games so rock and roll. Let's explore.

Having a discussion about video games causing violence is a waste of time, because all of us know that they don't. The movement to eliminate video games is an attempt by lazy parents to get some control over the child that they fucked up beyond repair years and years before. Good parents know how to teach their children the difference between reality and fucking pixels. Above-average parents also know how to impart the value of moderation to their kids. Too much of anything is bad, video games, pretzels, water, anything.

Video games are to be celebrated for their art, and encouraged because of their positive benefits that they bestow on the children and adults that play them. Yes, that's right, there are serious BENEFITS to playing video games. Here's ten.

Improved Dexterity- A study of hospital surgeons shows that those who played video games regularly were 27% faster and 37% less prone to errors than those who didn't.

Education- The Federation of American Scientists revealed that students remember up to 90% of information using simulations compared to 10% via reading.

Physiotherapy- Exercise-based games help Parkinson's disease sufferers. In a study about this, after 12 weeks of playing, over 55% percent of patients had improved balance, gait speeds and longer strides.

Stress Relief- Gaming lowers levels of stress-inducing hormone cortisol by up to 17%. Puzzle game Bejeweled has shown to reduce physical stress activity by 54%.

Multi-tasking- Gamers can focus on 6 immediate tasks at once, as compared to a non-gamer's 4. They also perform up to 20% more effectively in perception and cognitive tests.

Improved Eyesight- Playing action games for a few hours each day can lead to a 20% increase in accuracy on eye chart tests.

Relationships- 76% of couples who game together say that it had a positive impact on their marriages.

Pain Relief- Patients' pain ratings for burn wounds decreased by 50% while gaming. One study in particular showed that violent video games can increase a burn victim's pain tolerance by 65%.

Increased IQ- Players have been shown to be 50% better at managing events and spotting detail. Infants who play games also develop a thicker cortex.

Faster Responses- The ability to shoot a zombie quickly translates into the real world. Reaction times of serious video gamers are shown to be AS HIGH as American fighter jet pilots.

Now, there is another benefit to being a serious gamer. However, that benefit is subjective. The benefit is art. I don't get frustrated when I hear that video games are evil, and I don't get frustrated when legislation banning video games is written. I get frustrated when the games I love are stereotyped as childish. We have come a long, long way since Mortal Kombat. We are in an age where a game costs just as much as a blockbuster movie does to make, in some cases even more. Video games make ten times the money that even the best selling movie does, and they employ expert storytellers and universe crafters. There are video games out there with stories that rival Shakespear's if you take the chance to look. To me, this is the greatest thing about being a video gamer, to evolve alongside the gaming industry, enjoying the high level of ART that they frequently produce. Play Final Fantasy 7, Bioshock, Mass Effect, Shadow of the Colossus, or Uncharted and try to claim that it isn't art at it's purest.

Video games aren't going anywhere, no matter how hard hypocritical christian parents try, the industry simply makes too much money. So, knowing that our precious games are safe, it is easy to sit back, relax and laugh when this nonsense comes up in conversations. You want real control over the violence that a murderous few commit? Let's ban the the assault guns and get rid of the AK-47's sitting in our irresponsible closets, sit down with our kids and try for fuck's sake to be better parents. After you talk to your child about the emotionally devastating tragedies that occur in real life, sit down and play a video game with them. Their well-being will thank you later on. 

(If you're interested, another great study on the positive effects of gaming here )

Oliver says his ABC's

Star Wars hot cocoa

So, after watching some Downton Abbey with my lady, I simply couldn't sleep last night. Stumbling around the kitchen, I decided to finally try some of my Star Wars hot cocoa and drink it while forcing myself to finish RE6.

Its as gross as it looks.

I've never encountered a more wretched hive of cheap chocolate and powdery cocoa.

New 3D Pokemon game announced!

As you can see, my son and I are hardcore Pokemaniacs, and we have been bitching about there not being a full 3D Pokemon adventure for years. Our favorite franchise has been stuck on portable gaming systems for almost two decades, only porting nonsense like Mystery Dungeon and the super awesome Pokemon Snap to consoles. This new game is still on a handheld unfortunately, but no more 2D, and no more sprites!

Pokemon XY will actually have 3D enviornments, with Pokemon battles that can't be button mashed through. The cities look a little less modern than usual, but gorgeous. New areas, new Pokemon, and hopefully, a new story will be included.

If you watch the trailer, (included at the end of this post) you'll hear that disgusting word "bond" used, so expect more of the same G rated shit from Nintendo this time around, (even though most of their fans are in their twenties now), and one of the legendaries is a deer. Those two gripes aside, I'm super excited to at least get half of what I always wanted.

The 3 new starters, I'm already getting Froakie, I know it

So here's a couple more of the official shots from the game, and the trailer itself. Let's all start freaking the fuck out now!!!!

So....Resident Evil sure does suck now

Meet Jake, the worst Resident Evil character by far

The name Capcom used to mean something. That was the company name on the side of the Mega Man box, and on the Street Fighter cartridge. Now, when I see Capcom on the side of anything, I think, "Maybe I'll buy this, sometimes it can be fun to play shittily made video games." And thats all Capcom makes these days, shit. 

 Don't let the polygns fool you, Resident Evil used to be scary. Survival Horror was a fairly new genre when Capcom made the original RE, and their attention to detail, emphasis on ammo conservation, tough puzzles, and crazy boss fights quickly set the standard. Resident Evil 1 is a hard fucking game, and to beat it takes dedication, I really think Capcom as a company was in it's prime during the earlier installments. 

 Resident Evil 2 is still the best game in the series, and believe it or not, well written. Leon and Claire were good protagonists, and their survival seemed unlikely, but not impossible. Resident Evil 3 and even Code Veronica were decent follow ups, scary as shit, followed by the RE1 remake and RE Zero, the franchise could do no wrong. Then...

Hey Leon, you don't have to fight that thing, its a lake, go around you fucking idiot.

 Resident Evil 4 isn't a bad game, in fact, its a great game. I do however, place Resident Evil's destruction squarely on 4's shoulders. Capcom completely re-worked everything, taking away all of the horror, all of the scary, all of the difficulty and turned RE into an action packed, exploding barrel filled testosterone shooter. 4 is a solid action game, (you have to ignore the bad writing, dialogue, voice acting and pacing), with lots of replay value and tons of memorable moments. But it's success assured that the series was to continue on this new path, which pleased new fans, but not us originals.

RE5 was a joke, and the only good news that came from it was that most everyone who played it hated it, and we all saw hope for a return to our Survival Horror roots, yet that didn't happen. RE6 is worse than 5, and distanced itself even further from the originals. The C-Virus? Really? The plot for RE6 is so paper thin and boring, with a gay villain and a dumb multi campaign gimmick. Resident Evil cutscenes used to be terrifying, and plot driven, now I just jump motorcycles with helicopters and punch planes apart with my bare hands.

Barry!  Come fix this shit!

If you want to play Capcom games, thats fine, just remember; Capcom hates their fans, and if they find out that you are one of them, they will go out of their way to ruin your life. With games out there like Left 4 Dead, The Walking Dead, Silent Hill and Dead Space, there just really isn't any need for this garbage anymore. Can't wait for 7!

Jump to any part of this video and you're bound to see nothing but dumb, waste of time action bullshit.

The Winner Is......

Mass Effect 3

So, it really came down to two games that I was considering for Game of the Year, Xcom, and ME3. Xcom is almost a perfect game, but towards the end, it really, really drags, requiring commitment and patience to complete. Mass Effect 3 has problems though, but it is still one hell of an accomplishment. Here's my justification for choosing ME3 as GOTY despite it's flaws.

Yes, the original ending for Mass Effect 3 sucked, and all of us Shep fans felt cheated out of the 100+ hour payoff we had all worked so hard for, but let us all remember, Bioware did attempt to fix it. Even if you still aren't happy with the revised ending, it is pretty cool that a game company listened to it's fans, and edited the ending after the game's release in the form of a downloadable extended finale. I think that shows just how enormous Mass Effect has become, this was the endcap to a life-changing trilogy, that cemented probably the best written RPG series ever into the history books. I love Mass Effect, and I love 3.

When I think of all of the long running franchises that I have become obsessed with, none of them gave me the sense of accomplishment and reward in their third installment like ME3 did. Metal Gear Solid 3 offered zero closure, in fact, it just introduced a confusing prequel. Resident Evil 3 (which I fucking love), simply showed a different point of view to the previous game. My point is that usually when a series reaches it's 3rd installment, you see backpeddling, or radical changes, but in Mass Effect, you pick up where you left off, facing the direct consequences of your choices in the game previous. Never before has a game attempted this, making #3 groundbreaking.

I cured the genophage, and I ended the Quarian-Geth war, giving the Geth their independence and the Quarians their homeworld back. I exposed the Asari's religion as lie (god bless atheism, even in space), and the Rachni are building the civilization they deserve. Humanity now has multiple Spectres, and a serious presence on the council. Cerberus has been dismantled, and the Illusive Man shot himself in the head. And of course, I destroyed those Reaper motherfuckers to end the life eradication cycle. Your achievements feels monumental this time around, and they even had a great multiplayer mode for once!

So Mass Effect 3 is my choice for 2012 Goty, and I hope that Bioware continues to produce games based on the Mass Effect universe, and if you do, please, please, let me play Wrex's son. 

Pokedad's 2012 Game of the Year!

I played a lot of games this year, and I wanted to do choose my game of the year. Before I get any stupid responses, all of the games being considered have to have been released in 2012, I must have played them, and I refuse to include any ports or updated games as they don't count as new in my book (remakes are fine). Also, this is my opinion and these have been voted on by only me, but thats why you're reading this right, to get my opinion? So here we go, all the new games I played in 2012, let's pick a winner!

Sonic 4 Episode 1

Sonic Team decided to stop making all of those shitty new era Sonic games and go back to their roots, and it worked out pretty well. Episode 4 is a great updated version with a very nostalgic feel.

Lollipop Chainsaw


Made by the team that crafted No More Heroes, (which I didn't like as much as everyone else did), this painfully similar beat em up just came off as an excuse to play soft core porn. It's fun for an hour, but it got really tedious, really fast. Bayonetta did this idea better.

Kingdoms of Amalur

A medieval fantasy game made by Curt Schilling and written by my favorite author R.A. Salvatore, whats not to love? A lot actually, this game got off to a great start, but the fetch quests start piling on by the hundreds and I quit before finishing due to dangerous levels of boredom.

Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City

Holy shit was this game awful. Capcom has a rich tradition of shitty spinoffs, and this game would be the shit king if Gun Survivor didn't exist.

Minecraft XBLA

I couldn't decide whether or not to include this because it seems like just a port, but they had to change so much to make it Xbox friendly, that it really is a different game. Its great, and extremely addictive. It simply isn't as good as it's PC counterpart.

Dragon's Dogma

Such a surprisingly good game, Dragon's Dogma is solid, with so many things done differently and well. It's also sadistically difficult, which makes the accomplishments within even more sweet. A gem for sure.

 Resident Evil 6

Im a huge Resident Evil fan who was slightly dissapointed with 4, and then majorly dissapointed with 5. I was excited for 6 after hearing the new take on the franchise that Capcom was taking. Now, I haven't completed every campaign, but with the terrible dialogue, dumb controls and the completely wasted opportunity with Wesker's son, its really kind of a letdown. It's okay, could be worse, but also could have been much better. I miss when Resident Evil used to be scary.


SSX

SSX Tricky on the Gamecube was one of the best racing games ever made, so I was seriously pumped for the new SSX. And......it sucked.

Spelunky
A fun little arcade game that is so impossibly difficult that I don't think I will ever have the skill to beat it.

Mass Effect 3

The third installment in probably the greatest Sci-Fi series the gaming world has ever seen, but with one hell of a controversial ending.

The Walking Dead XBLA

I bought all 5 chapters to this masterpiece, and it currently stands as my favorite point and click even over The Monkey Island games!

Xcom: Enemy Unknown

I loved the original when I was younger, and I love this new remake even more. An amazing accomplishment and life-crushingly addictive.

Pokemon Black 2 and White 2

I love Pokemon, obviously, so I can put up with almost anything as long as I get my Pokefix. White 2 is great, and a solid installment, but at the end of the day, I have played this game before, we all have, dozens of times. It's time for a new direction, before this series gets too lukewarm to spark any interest among it's fans.

Magic the Gathering: Duels of the Planeswalkers

All of the fun of Magic, without the hundreds of dollars it takes to seriously compete, awesome!

Fez

A Downloadable game that has so many secrets and cleverly hidden achievements, plus a dark sense of humor. Loved it.

And the winner is................

Backpack Rap

I was asked to do a rap post, so I agreed to write one, but I am only talking about nerd rap specifically, because most of the hip hop that I listen to is conscious, thus political, and that isn't why I started this blog. Republicans are asshats. Let's go!



The Cool Kids
My city's very own, The Cool Kids are a great duo re-capturing what was great about the 1990's. Their songs are nostalgic, playing Sega and throwing big fucking house parties. Most of their songs are sprinkled with nerdy references, and Mikey Rocks is one of the most unusual and interesting lyricists that I've ever heard.

Nerdiest Song: A Little Bit Cooler

Childish Gambino
Similar to the Cool Kids with the nostalgic 90's vibe, but what is unique about Donald Glover's lyrics is that they can be abruptly shocking, making his songs very unpredictable and exciting. I'm anxious to see where his rap career goes, because when you have incredible talent, mixing in a little experience is always a positive thing. Also, I love anyone who is passionate about their ninja turtles villians.

Nerdiest Song: Backpackers

Lupe Fiasco
Another Chicagoan, Lupe Fiasco is, in my humble opinion, the greatest poet and most important modern voice in society today. His recent work doesn't have much geek speak, but early in his career his lyrics were absolutely dripping with mentions of Kwame from Captian Planet, Ken, Ryu, Slimer and Winston from Ghostbusters, japanese manga, and Revenge of the Nerds for example. I love him more now for his political and economical commentary, but what started my obsession with Lupe originally, was his nerdiness.

Nerdiest Song: Gold Watch

MC Chris
MC Chris is truly one of us. I came across him first as the voice of MC Peepants on the show Aqua Team Hunger Force, and I proceeded to download his music. Don't let the stout white body and high pitched voice  turn you off, MC Chris is amazing. He has done 4 songs about Star Wars bounty hunters, an ode to Neville Longbottom, and has a song called Kingdom Farts, where he explains how great he is at FPS. He is the nerd rap king, and he creates album after album of pure geek bliss. Plus, and Im sure you guessed it, he's from Chicago.

Nerdiest Song: All of them, but listen to Fett's Vette, Nrrd Grrl, or Illy Oil to get the jist.