5 Things To Do As Femshep

So, I played all three Mass Effects as dudeshep. Now that ME3's ending has been "fixed", and I've had a couple months to stop being angry about it, I think it is time to replay the greatest sci-fi RPG series ever as Shepard's female version. However, there are a few things I want to do differently this time around, I don't want to make the same mistakes again. Here are five things I plan to correct as Lady Shepard.

5: Don't fuck Jack.

So, in ME2, I was trying to bang Miranda, which is easier said than done. She flirts with me, tells me that she's interested in a relationship, and in the same sentence tell me that she needs some space. So one day, after a typical blue ball conversation with Miranda, I head down to the Normandy basement, and poke Jack for an hour or so. No strings attached, just hardcore space sex. The next day, Im flirting with Miranda, and Jack threatens to kill me. "Leave me the fuck alone." I will this time Jack, you crazy bitch.

4: Support Conrad Verner.

I was such an ass to this guy, and he's Shepard's biggest fan. I even punched him! This poor bastard did what all the rest of us dream of doing, summoning the courage to talk to their hero.  Is he a lunatic that will probably become a mass murderer? Probably, but damn does he have heart. I got your back this time ConCon.

3: Bang Kaiden.

So, as Dudeshep, I killed Kaiden, and let Ashley live. Big mistake. I regretted it five minutes after the decision, and had to live with it for 2 1/2 more games. Im making it all right this time Kaiden, Im going to romance your brains out, as long as you keep shooting electrical brain explosions at our enemies. I hate Ashley.

2: Kill the Rachni Queen.

This was the first serious moral decision that I can remember being presented with the first time around. The problem with the Rachni was an amazingly well-written dilemma, and I found myself struggling with it. I saved the race. This time, I want to explore the darker side, and experience third hand the price of genocide. Rachni queen, when you meet Sheshep, run the fuck away.

1: Save Mordin.

Those who know me know that the Krogan are my favorite species, but my favorite character, and in my opinion one of the greatest video game characters of all time, is Mordin. And I couldn't save his life. His inner turmoil is absolutely riveting, the clinic he runs, the Krogan genophage he helped create, his morbid, demonic sense of humor, makes him everything I look for in a well-rounded character. Mordin is a perfect example of why video games should be in the art conversations, and not the game discussions. Im saving you this time man, I promise.