Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Steph And I Talk About Our Kids' Future Abortions

This is an exact word for word account of a very unique conversation that my darling Stephanie and I had last night. Enjoy.


Her: So what happens when Phoebe gets pregnant at 16? What will you do?

Me: Well, if she tells me it was a huge mistake, and that having this baby so young will ruin her life and crush her dreams, then I'll drive her down to Planned Parenthood.

Her: And if Oliver gets some girl pregnant?

Me: That's more complicated, in that situation my child is the boy, so we would have to decide based on the young lady's decision. Of course though, if it was asked of me for whatever reason, yeah, same deal.

Her: What if it happens a 2nd time?

Me: My gut tells me to say tough shit, but in all honesty, I'd probably pay for another abortion after a very stern and disappointed lecture. However, once they reach 18, if these kids are still too dense to practice safe sex, then they are just going to have to deal with it. I'm not driving my 24 year old to the baby killer every other month.

Her: Yes you would, if that was the reality.

Me: Let's just hope our kids are gay.

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