Monday, May 13, 2013

Republican Douchebags; An Infinite List

It's a project that will take a lifetime to accomplish, a complete list of all Republican dipshits, you know, the ones who kill and ruin others' lives for their own political advancement? Well, the list is impossible to finish because new members keep applying daily. Here are a few of this month's inductees. 


Mark Sanford
Sanford is an unstoppable political asshole. The man cheated on his wife with an Argentinian woman, lied about where he was when he was doing it, (said he was hiking the Appalachians, when he was in Argentina banging this girl) and it was then revealed that he stole South Carolina treasury funds to take the vacation. THIS MAN NOW HAS HIS JOB BACK. That's right, smart well-informed South Carolinians just recently sent this man back to congress.  Mark voted to impeach Clinton in the 90's because of Bill's "Immoral Behavior". Good job South Carolina, you deserve only the best. 



Jim DeMint
Mark Sanford got his job in congress back because this man, Jim DeMint, resigned from his seat in the house to accept a better paying job running The Heritage Foundation; a conservative think tank. DeMint is ranked by The National Journal as "The most conservative member of the senate", he opposes abortion even in cases of incest and rape, and pushes for not only prayer in public fucking school, but he wants "God Bless America" plastered on front of every school building in the country. This is the man that the republican party is going to get their unbiased political ideas from. Sweet.



Jason Richwine
This handsome devil was an employee of the aforementioned Heritage Foundation, (he recently stepped down) who authored a report that said immigration reform would cost 6.3 trillion dollars. His report was criticized by the left for not including any mention of the benefits of immigration. What was really amazing was that after a little prying, it was discovered that Mr. Richwine had written a previous paper about how mexicans have low IQ's genetically, and that their unborn children will be stupid too. Jason's big idea is that we should only allow those with high IQ's into the country, oh yeah, and he identifies himself as a white nationalist. SHOCKER.


Tom Coburn
The junior senator from my birth state, Oklahoma, Tom Coburn is a man I have a bipolar relationship with. One day, I like him because he is one of the only 2 repubs who voted against the war in Iraq, and then the next day I find out he opposes gay marriage. So here, I'll list his political stances, and you make up your own mind.

- Tom wrote a health care plan in 2009 that included the following goals, "1) prevent disease and promote healthier lifestyles, 2) create affordable and accessible health insurance options, 3) equalize the tax treatment of health care, 4) modernize the Medicaid and Medicare beneficiary choice, 5) ensure compensation for injured patients and 6) establish transparency in health care price and quality."

-Tom Coburn opposes gay marriage

-He has been quoted as saying, "I will tell you personally that I think going to Iraq was a mistake."

-Tom Coburn opposes abortion in every case except when the mother's life is at risk.

-He is a memeber of John McCain's "Fiscal Watch Team."

-He authored the HIV prevention bill of 1997 which would make it a crime not to inform your partner of your sickness before intercourse

-Tom Coburn voted against background checks, gun trafficking regulations, and the ban on high capacity magazines.


The class of May 2013!!

No comments:

Post a Comment